What in the world is wrong with me?
Writing poems about gross stuff I see.
Like ***** matter and old underwear
Is there something odd up there?
Poems all about maggoty dog poo,
Popping pimples and what else did I do?
I wrote a poem about a piece of ****
And a guy blowing boogars in his soup
One about a pickled pig in a jar
Do I think this will make me a star?
About a guy who was stuck on a bus
Who had an accident and there was a fuss
I also wrote one about my pet cat
With tinsel in her ****. What's up with that?
I also have a poem about picking everything
from teeth to **** and finger licking
I wrote about an autopsy that happens when your dead
Is there a short circuit inside of my head?
You know I had to write about farting gas
And what happens when something else you pass.
And about a guy killing a bunch of birds
Just because one, in his eye, dropped a terd
About inflamed hemroids and rotten, spoiled meat
And a terd eating dog. That's not neat!
One about a boy not bathing for a month
I wonder if that wasn't my millionth.
I even have one about digging up old poo
And one about changing diapers. Oh eww!
I'm sure that soon there will be more to come
With the way my brain works and where I'm from
So 'til then I think I'll end this tirade
And hope you'll read the next mess made.

Diaper duty's not that bad.
The first few months go well.
Baby doesn't go that much,
And the poo does not yet smell.
When baby's very little,
And gets fed only milk
Baby's little excrement
Resembles brown mustard 'til...
Baby starts to grow a bit
And so does baby's poo.
The food they eat is more complex
And they poo much more like you.
Changing baby's diaper
Becomes more interesting.
And the smell that baby generates
Starts your nose to sting.
You learn real fast which foods cause
Your nostrils so much gloom.
And which of baby's foods are safe
And don't cause deadly fumes.
You also learn what kind of foods
Make baby's poo too stiff.
And what makes their poo so runny
They could poo through a sieve.
So take care of little baby
And always feed them right.
And be sure to check their diaper
Before turning out the light.

I look at you with child like wonder
Beholding beauty and I ponder
Is this just lust for whom is yonder?
Is my heart true and my soul fonder?

You are beautiful outwardly
And even more that I can see
Your inner good and purity
With you I'd spend eternity

The blazing beauty of your face.
Lights every dim and dreary place.
A feeling that I must embrace.
A feeling fine, like fancy lace.

I know that you are very bright
A very radiant kind of light
Surrounds you whether day or night
You have a second, deeper sight

You have a caring, tender heart
A loving soul and for your part
Give to others from the start.
A way from darkness, you can chart.

Your intelligence does far exceed
The average persons average need
And for you, naught can impead
Your souls desire to succeed

Determination, that I admire.
Your cleverness sets me afire
I do not want a pet or liar
My need for you is truly dire

I'd give anything to be more near.
To you, my most beloved, dear.
But what it is that I do fear,
As sometimes I do shed a tear.

That you and I must never be.
It would not be good for thee.
I am old, your twenty-three
And death will surely come for me.

And so for you, that I wish too,
I pray you'll find, one who loves you
And holds, as I, a love that's true.
And some day say to you "I do."

What more is there to say,
On this lovely summer day?
Is this a word game that we play?
Why are we trying to delay?

Are we going to have a fight?
Do you really think we might?
Or will we just begin to write,
Our feelings, now so contrite?

You think we have any regret
That we should not just forget?
Or should we take the running bet
And just repay the awful debt?

Is that all there is to you?
Will you still wear that same old shoe?
Or is it that you still hope to
Find out what you want to do?

Can we make that kind choice?
Will they ever hear our voice?
How will we know when to rejoice?
Can we dance with grace and poise?

How often have we really thought?
That all we plan may come to naught?
Has any of our experience taught,
That our path, with pain, was fraught?

When may we start to celebrate,
Our positions that we delegate?
And with wily skills deliberate?
If the precious egg, we'll not incubate?

Are we only having fun?
Why isn't everyone?
Is the party really done?
Is it smart for us to run?

Will we ever make up our mind,
To do that which we know is kind?
Can we, our fears, truly bind?
Are we really completely blind?

Some think that we should just quit
And maybe just get over it
But most of us will not admit
We're falling into an endless pit

Just as dark rolls back and the sun rises nigh
And dawns light can be seen in the eastern sky.
From his forest home comes carefully and shy
The deer with his headdress held proudly so high.

His keen, bright eyes look sharply and true
For danger learks but that's nothing new
For the experience he has his rack does shew
Ten terminating ends that his antlers do

He steps forth, onto the grassy clearing
Sensing no threat that he need bewaring
He continues farther out, more bold and daring
Making sure the grass is safe before sharing

And just as he is about to feed
On tender grass his most favorite indeed
It hits his side and he starts to bleed
For it has pierced him causing dire need

Unable run, to the ground he does fall
He coughs on his blood, losing it all
And in the distance, hears a cheerful call
"Hooray! I got him!" From a tree so tall

What remained unknown to the wise, old buck
The threat in a tree, such bad luck
Waiting to tie a deer to the top of his truck
A hunter, by who's bullet, the deer was struck.

Please don't think that I am against hunting
It's just the facts of life that I am confronting
Because you'll see me here quietly munching
On a deer steak I fried and am now lunching!

My neighbor's dog is very strange
I just wonder if it is deranged
He takes a dump and then gobbles it up
What the heck is wrong with the pup?
It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen
And quite nauseating in the extreme
I recycle some stuff, but good grief!
This is a bit beyond my belief!
How does my neighbor really not know?
Just take a look out your window!
He must not know it though because
He let's the dog lick him without pause.
Maybe the dog has a sick sense of humor,
Or maybe he just has a massive brain tumor.
How can you not tell after you're licked?
The very thought of it is making me sick!
Doesn't his breath smell just a bit bad?
Doesn't it smell like **** just a tad?
I guess he saves alot on food.
But holy crap! C'mon dude!
Be alert and watch that pup!
Eating it's terds! He gobbles them up!
The dog needs time with Doctor Phil.
Or at least be put on some kind of a pill.
I'd tell the dude but I'll not be the one
To tell someone such news. Not even for fun.
So I'll let life go on and simply concede
It's just the way that dog likes to feed
But if I go over and visit him there
Of his dog's kisses, I think I'll beware!

Waking early in the morning and stepping out to see
The sun rise to begin, the day so beautifully
The sky was free of clouds and red off to the east
Dark blue toward the west. For my sleepy eyes a feast.
"Oh a flock of little birds flying overhead."
I couldn't help but watch them, so I tilted back my head.
Flying with great skill right over top of me.
I couldn't help but ponder "How wonderouse a thing to be."
And looking up to watch them, their beauty made me sigh
But then one bird, dropped a terd, right into my eye
It burned like a red hot poker, my eyeball was ablaze
I let out a painful cry and wiped it from my face
I tried to open my eye but the burning was too great
And now those little frikin' birds, I really began to hate
I swore to get revenge on that nasty little bird
That had the gall to bullseye me with it's frikin' terd
So I went to a store and purchased me a gun
A semi auto twelve gage, that should get 'er done
I purchased fifty shells each one filled with bird shot.
And hoped to **** that little bird and watch it's body rot.
So later in the evening of that very day
With a patch over my eye to keep the pain away
I formed the perfect plan to get my sweet revenge
And blow away that flying band in a ****** killing binge
I got up extra early and went outside and stayed
Very quiet so as not to ruin my vengful killing raid.
And just as I had hoped, like yesterday at this time.
"Here they come!" I thought with glee "Vengence will be mine!"
And just as they did yesterday, they flew right over head
And I chuckled to myself, "That sucker's gonna be dead!"
And as they came within my range, anticipation grew dire
Jumping up, I started yelling, and with my gun opened fire
"DIE YOU LITTLE TERD DROPPER!" Insanely I exclaimed
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! seven lives I quickly claimed
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! I Fired and more did fall
I looked again, and checking, I saw I'd killed them all.
And as I stood there looking at the little birds I'd killed
I asked myself, "Was it worth it? Was my revenge fulfilled?"
And as I contemplated these feelings that I had
A certain guilt came over me and I started to get sad.
But suddenly, in my eye, there was an awful burn
And I then knew I was right to **** them in return.