Hello Facebook my old friend.
I'm reading posts on you again.
Up at 2:30 in the morning
Checking likes and shares and replying.
Read alerts beneath the ringing bell.
What the hell, am I doing on Facebook?

As through the posts I quickly scroll.
Seeing kittens, dogs and trolls.
Trying not to click on the ad spam.
Found a recipe for a baked ham.
And a private message from a long lost friend.
But I know not when.
I added this person, on Facebook.

10,000 clicks and maybe more.
My index finger's mighty sore.
All the smileys, likes and emojis.
Likes on my posts giving me jollies.
Requests from people that I do not even know.
My friends list grows.
To thousands of people, on Facebook.

"Will this nightmare ever end?"
I ask as I add a friend.
But all the games and all the puzzles.
Popping balloons and bursting bubbles.
I have got to try to get a better score.
It's such a chore.
Playing the games, on Facebook.

Suddenly one day I learned.
Zuckerberg on me had turned.
Selling all my saved information.
To companies in all lands and nations.
Making a profit off me like I was his ***.
I did not know.
Violated, by Facebook

But I did not stay mad long.
Even though it was so wrong.
I have to see how many likes I had.
I want to know this stuff awfully bad.
And now the data selling's out of mind.
And thus I find.
Myself again, on Facebook.

Here's a dream for someone to analyze. I was eating this stuff I was finding like a snack food but I didn't know what it was or where I was finding it. I just knew it was the best thing I ever tasted. It had a waxy texture that kinda stuck to my teeth and reminded me of perhaps candle wax but It was so good that I ran around to all my friends to get them to try it but no one would. In fact they were appalled that I was eating it at all. Eventually, as I continued to eat the stuff like I was addicted because I was, me friends started to chastise me and threaten to end our friendship if I didn't stop so I started to sneak eating it so no one would see me doing it. Eventually though, I got caught by my brother who acted very disappointed in me. So he threatened to commit me to an asylum if I didn't stop eating the stuff. I explained how tasty and good it was and that I didn't want to stop. He then told me in a stern voice to look at what I was eating so I looked down and in my hands were these very dark brown dried up cat turds that I was apparently retrieving from the litter box but I didn't remember where I got them from. As the realization of what I was eating dawned on me, I instantly became horrified. So horrified that I woke up and sat straight up in my bed. It was so vivid that I had to go to the bathroom and wash my mouth out. I think I will remember this dream for the rest of my life.

Long ago when the time came for two of every animal to board Noah's ark to avoid the coming flood, every animal, except the Unicorns, made it onto the boat because the unicorns were too busy frolicking and playing in the grass. So when the flood came and the unicorns saw that they were going to drown they cried out "Oh Lord, please save us from the rising water that we may not drown!" On hearing their cries and seeing the unicorns in such danger, God asked them "Why did you not board the ark as you were told to?" And the unicorns replied "We were too busy playing and forgot. We are sorry! Please help us!" So God, having mercy on them, changed them into whales so that they would not drown and would survive the flood. And that is why the narwhal whales have horns and why unicorns no longer exist.

** ** **! ** ** **! We think Santa smells!
We think Santa smells. And he smells like hell
It's not to laugh 'cause Santa needs a bath!
Yes, we think Santa smells.
Sweating day and night, in his suite so tight.
Stop this debate 'cause it's too late.
Yes we think Santa smells.
We have had about enough of this stinky man.
We must surely formulate a bathing plan.
Santa's gone too long and the odor's strong.
Don't be a dope and grab that soap!
'Cause we think Santa smells.
(Instrumental)
We've an urgent job to do so our eyes won't tear.
Every time to us Santa Claus comes near.
We think Santa smells. And he smells like hell.
It's not to laugh 'cause Santa needs a bath.
Yes we think Santa smells.
** **!

Little Princess Perfect without a single flaw
Thought that she was perfect in every way she saw
But one day she ran into a crazy, orange man
Who said "I am better and will beat you because I know I can"
Princess perfect laughed and her court well they laughed too
"You cannot win against me and my loyal crew!"
Little Princess Perfect and the man with funny hair
Got into a contest that seemed far from fair.
Princess Perfect with her legions of subjects said
"You're a sexist bigot and have an orange head!"
So the man replied to her face "And you're a crooked cuck!"
"You're also sick and greedy you lying, corporate schmuck!"
Little Princess Perfect who thought she'd already won
Laughed and played and called him names while he continued to run
"I will make this kingdom great once again I vow!"
And multitudes applauded him as he took a bow.
"You're all deplorable!" Princess Perfect cried
"How can you sleep at night taking this orange faced man's side?"
"Princess Perfect your days are numbered." he said in return
"People want this kingdom great. That's for what they yearn"
"People will never choose you!" Princess Perfect said
"Look at the polls you orange ****! You're as good as dead!"
And all her court agreed she had already won
So laugh and play they did having unending fun.
Then when the day came to decide the combatant's fate
Princess Perfect with her court could hardly stand to wait.
"Get ready to celebrate my loyal, faithful fans!"
Princess perfect cried to all throughout the land.
And as the kingdom came together and began to count the votes
Princess Perfect felt a lump deep in her throat.
"What the hell is happening?" She cried to her staff.
The totals made no sense to her and all had ceased to laugh
"This is impossible! He's pulling way ahead!"
Princess Perfect panicked and her soul filled with dread
"I am Princess Perfect! I know I cannot lose!"
But the kingdom voted and the crazy orange man they did choose.