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My words are just echoes
Of words said before.
My thoughts and feelings trivial
Flecks of nothing
In light of space
And time.

The Earth watches us
Live and die
And never sheds a tear.

Tonight I grapple
With my insignificance.
And even while I write this,
Wonder why I even bother.
I must admit
That I admired the angular
Shape of the bones in your face,
The fey-like slant of your eyes,
And how you carry yourself
Somewhat like a bashful child.
But I'm not one to act on impulse
--not the impulse of the eye,
And was content to occupy my little corner
Just sneaking a glance now and then.

Then you spoke.

Insight poured from your mouth
Like honey from a funnel.
Pure intelligence,
without arrogance,
Caught by a slight stutter.

I could feel the blood in my veins
Rush to my face
And became painfully aware of my breathing.

You stood waiting for a response
And I just stared at you like  
An idiot.
Please don't mistake my silence
For indifference.
The way your eyes flash
With unquenchable
Passion
When you talk about light fixtures
Is so stunning
That I cannot form a sentence.

What I mean to say is,

Yes a spot light makes sense in the second act.  
And I'll need some work lights for the costume change.
White spots on the bathroom floor
Remind me of you
They make me feel empty
Like a glass without water
Like the remnants of a burned out fire

I remember it so vividly
The cold city air smelled of metal foundry
And cut like a razor through my sweater
I thought it would never get better
Until you wrapped your arms around me
(remember how I kicked you in the shin?)
You found me
A broken little girl
Alone in a big scary world


Running the dark, damp streets
We never thought twice
Never planned for a future
No need
We weren't going to live that long
I was weak and you were strong
But now you're gone
And all that's left
Is a box of matches and an empty desk
And me
A lonely insomniac

Vanilla and sandalwood incense
Remind me of you
Of the only home I've ever had
A haven in the whirlwind of my youth

Goodnight Red Balloon
Be offended if you want,
But no one is the lord of my thoughts.
If I wish to remain silent,
To lock my words up
and keep them for myself--
That is my prerogative.

You have no claim.
I don't owe you anything.
My days are filled
With Quadratic functions
And Hydrocarbons.
I've had little time for
Billy Collins.
Or sleep, for that matter.

I'm thankful for the little
Moments like this.
When the professor can't find
His power-point.
Or a lunch hour where
I eat something besides text books.

I need time to reflect.
Find myself under all this stress
Take a breath and
Play a quick game of
"Where's Waldo"
With my soul.

Scribble some words
Or a picture.
Or maybe,
Just stare out the window
Contemplating the willow tree
And how her limbs struggle to
Kiss the ground.
One
I am frail and fallen
Broken and scarred
Burned, beaten, bruised
I have nothing but my soiled name
Nothing to offer
But my love and gratitude
I expect nothing
Not even a kind word
Though kind you've always been
I love you
Without conditions
Without pretensions
Without limits
Your willing servant 'till the end
I left the seat
in the front row
of the place
with too many lights
for it to have been
that dim
dripping in music from head to toe,
from hip to soul,
listening to my ears and their lobes
ramble on incantations of unknown songs,
enchanting nuances strung throughout their chatter
like puddles strewn across concrete,
like grey matter,
like static
but much more in tune with nature
and far less understandable,
weaving my thoughts through new-found looms
stitching patterns of fumes,
gasses,
smoke and the solemn ashes
of melodies burned alive
under a nearly full moon,
under skies that humm
with the clanging arrival
of moments to be counted,
marked,
measured,
treasured for their value
though it elude all reason
because seasons do not lie
except for early spring evenings
when the lights are fading
and the music you heard playing
is quick to
leave your tongue.
It was all said and done.

One more highway home

among the trees and stargazers,

convincing my eyes

of what my ears have undone.
Day 5
Last night
I saw a monster
At the foot of my bed.
A familiar beast
That's haunted me
Since I was a kid.

He stares at me
With a white toothy grin
And a crooked head.

He says " you think you're so great, don't you?
With your fancy job and education.
Well, I know you better than that.
You're still a street rat.
The queen of trash.
Have you forgotten the scars on the back of your neck?
They will always be your epithet."


No matter how far I run
Or how well I pretend
He fills me with dread

Just like when I was ten
And laid still as death
While the carpet swallowed pints of my blood.
I don't know how I feel about this poem...but I posted it anyways.
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