reverse engineering the heart.

ive scanned every single atom
of your body
and each one says that there are more to find.
they dance and sing
and give birth to eachother
youre my lover
your my mind.

your thoughts
are being broadcast.

is a slave
who doesnt know
theyre a slave
still a slave?
that depends
on your definition
of freedom.
what does
a human need
to be free?:

the understanding
of what freedom is.

the more horse meat she consumed
the more keratin she produced.
she will modify
ceaslessly
until the race is dead.
beaten and broken-legged.
panting and surfing the air
for a quick malignant breath.

period laxative.

your father is a morbid man puddy. .. . but morbid can be good if you accept it...
..how can it be good?idunnoimnotmakinganysense............   ..  ..    .well.   i guess if youre in the right mood or in the right setting.(i pictured people. a woman mainly. with dark hair. and everyone had glasses of red wine and were laughing in a short hysterical way. and i realize these people arent representations of people ive seen act like this, theyre representations of me. i kno that feeling which makes that laugh. when hearing stories or seeing pictures or videos of people dying suddenly or getting tortured and the abuser maybe dismembering himself or herself after or committing an interesting suicide which we love to hear about and the sickening brutality and pain and fear and cringing you feel is instantly replaced with a swift too swift and sharp laughter. and these stories are real, otherwise its just silliness or boys being boys with their sick imaginations and saying it just for attention or to be funny or weird.. and we all might question ourselves slightly but either Time or Exposure to the Wicked World or most likely the validation of our indecencies with everybody else's  because its a whole room laughing lets us feel better about it each time but then more ashamed of our withering virtue until we forget. and something to understand from the remark "but either Time or Exposure to the Wicked World or most likely the validation of our indecencies" ad its there is no difference in this matter between the options 2 and 3 because we are the Wicked World. and all 3 are just things we waste. and if not laughing sharplyand loud and insane maybe some of us are at least being entertained while wailing in a definite cringe or exasperation or i dont kno but it is blended with the jovial air of the room. and people and family members laugh with and comfort and joke with eachother like a pride or a flock or any group of animals showing their young 'here.its ok.its an apple. you can touch it. it wont hurt you. its our food.' but we say "c'mere, the foundation of this world and all its agony will rip you apart, so here, learn how to find joy in it otherwise youll be too effected and will need to be discarded from normal happy people who kno their happiness comes first. because thats how we work as people and as a group. now here, have a drink. we pretend it helps and seek it out against our better judgment because we dont want to exist because weve become nothing in place of the wide range of terrible emotions we should experience when seeing the world for what it is.. ourselves most of all." and i guess that is what i pictured. the average happy people. family people. nice house and aunts and christmas people. and i kno im biased but nothing in this imagery matters. i was supposed to capture just the thoughts which i actually spoke to myself or my dog or whoever but now i have a brick-sized moving picture of my interpretation of happy family americans and other nations and just everybody.  but im no different. deep down anyway. deep down i am selfish and scared and come to the conclusion that the world is too complicated to be fixed and were too dumb to fix it reguardless and more so we are filled with souls which shift too often which we must only watch drift away moment to moment leaving us with many things but definitely a healthy amount of selfishness and, well, psychology i guess. we can figure our race and ourselves out as much as is possible and maybe even be right about some things, but knowing what drives us and feeling compelled are unrelated. too constant of a shift are we to be anything describable in correct terms and too unknown is the future to kno wut form our shift could bring us to. ..this is all absolute nonsense. i started rambling world. u gave me a mouth and i started rambling with it. i am definitely equal to a baby human or animal just shrieking into the world because, well just because its alive. so im a baby with no way of managing my existence other than making sounds because there are ears everywhere and peeing where i lay because its inside of me then it comes out because im unaware of my functions and we all send scattered unfinished nonsense to eachother and they send their own version of it back to the human and we manage to make ourselves sick and destroy our home and we're like an ant colony with no coordination.) and then something about laughter is sometimes a coverup for discomfort, so laughing from something morbid is not good. but then again it is still a laugh, and wut is the point system for laughing goodness and thats it the end jesus christ stop. *******. later. txt me wenever. have fun at ur party. i hope the weathers nice up north and not too cold cuz i kno u hate the cold. and im probably a boring **** saying cheezy things trying to act natural and nice and caring but i have my own agenda and am too unnaware to kno that and therefore will never be able to change for the better because i am a stupid human who thinks they have something figured out about every moment of every day but cant really do anything. cant see myself how others see me and cant feel the right way ong enough to accept it and constantly contradicting my conceptual and moral and spiritual universe and will never realize that 99.9 percent of the time my thoughts are of things like rocks and puffy things and shooting myself in the head and im hungry and **** that ***** and... im such a loser. if i dont start acting and living like a straight shooter my only outcome down the road will be lonelyness, heartbreak. regret. shame. and many other bad things where everything i love is either ded or has abandoned me because i am now a man and there is no such thing as abandoning a man but i am alone and want to die and i do. i **** myself and im ded. and there is no heaven and i have no soul and no one knows im ded and the passerbys and police officers and coroners who kno that im ded dont kno my name. so everyone i ever loved who havent loved me for years will die years down the road with families who love them and i will never cross their minds again. and i will deserve it. and i will pray for satan to devour my flesh and feel a demon inhabit my body along with my terror.

we are all female

the unkindness of ravens
was the ****** of crows.

Slave songs

a cluster of dead moss
lies in the middle of the road
i dont know its name

a spicy cheeto
fell on my *****
but i still ate it.

i shouldve eaten
the cheeto instead.

the floor is

broken pieces

on the floor

Time ate ours.

the man
fighting the snake
from inside of
the snake

girl: have you seen my friend?

me: was she the one with the weird leathery dress made of human skin
carrying the severed human head
which doubles as a purse

i think the moon
is full of ****.

undress me with your naked eyes
a skeleton can tell no lies
but hide the truth
from sleeping spies
to know nothing
is all thats wise.

i was a suit
was always worn
i knew not what else to adorn
my soul with but that shoty form
ive died and im reborn.

tail wagging aligators

i love ******

the man always marvels at what the man makes, but what of when man makes mistakes? ****.. i ddnt mean to write that.......but LOOK AT IT!!!! its AWESOME!!! Right??????.......right?..

i stare you down
i see the blood in your eyes

People can be involved with each other but they're only truly involved with god.
Nothing can be obtained,
But a cycle back to to the thing that created it.

no creature is happier
than my horns.

it is because
my life is so large
but my eyes are so small
sending signals to an even tinier mind.

it is the intelligence between atoms.

it is something.

i think it is
a cause to find.

we are a vulture with people circling over us.
and they look down on a zoo-hell.
under us are things shoulda never been born.

there is a very lonely pattern
repeating itself for company.

i dont want to  get my soap
*****
so i stopped using it.

i feel like i should leave
before i mess anything up.

every dimension
must be a
               conceptual
dimension.

i sit and i wait
at the park of the dead
to remind my bones
to sit
and to rest.
but all i can do is stand
watching all the life
that surrounds me.

a civilization
must die

otherwise
its just evolution

horse head east
beast head north

ill write this later.

my lazy soul
looks comfortable here.

and it probably
looks at me
and wonders why
we don't do more
nice things
together

i was dead
but now im free

Hells the home for me.

endless souls
compose its sea

its but a drop in me.

those who speak their suffering
suffer in high degree

to speak of it it rips their minds
from quiet peace to screams -

- theres music in their screams..

to feed their flesh they feed on fruit
which falls from burning trees.

in their lives theyve relived
all the wicked things theyve seen -

- and theyve seen many things..

everything good funnels down
into the jowls of a frothing,
ill-natured beast.

a beautiful fly flies by

happy

.

his heart was made of gold
but you stole it
now its sold

i never wrote one for you
but now i have.

Built from the bones
of the horse who pulls it
and the skin of the human it holds

Time got old and died
I'm told
and lays limp in the land through which the chariot rolls.
Love cried and carried its corpse and cold air passed through

lifes absentia passed me by.

the space between spaces,

a lepton is an endless field
light-years from the center of itself
where true sound rolls boulders and beads
into the hands which build themselves;

replicating creation
to boil down
back to nothing.

two thoughts to rub together
but whats the other one?

the most intimate ive been
with anyone
in a long time
has been with my own hemorroid.

lonely park benches
hold hands
with the humiliated.

a beautiful bird flies by

dead drunk
on the side of the road
having the time of his life
with a ***** bag