I was once a helpless, hopeless young girl some years ago who when days and months passed, became a strong and inspiring lady who is not afraid to fly. I have come to learn and realize who I am through experiencing life’s struggles. I understand what promises are when they are broken and I understand what return is when something is not replaced. I understand what support is when others desire to leave and not reminisce. I do not hold as much hope as others for I have not seen the worst in separation, lies and violence. However, I do hold much faith and dedication to others for it is difficult to let and see my loved ones go. Even though the other’s departure tremendously affects me, I dare not to repeat their actions and I attempt to grasp the hint of light that is left. I frequently get lost in my thoughts and in my dreams only to wake to reality where my wandering continues. Repeatedly questioning, “Is there more obstacles to overcome?” and regularly pondering about how the impact of life can change me. Life merely changes one’s attitude and action from events that occurred in a time of need. I am a ship that is away from the port, away from safety and on an adventure, but is only capable of searching and not finding. But one day, I did accomplish the voyage of excitement and danger for I continue to persevere and follow through. I have a heart that is cluttered with the infinite of words and mind that is littered by moments and memories that are constantly threatened to be removed but will never be possible. I strongly believe that life is full of fights and surrenders; if one lacks the two, one may never understand the true meaning of living. Finally, I have been stained by life’s love and life’s dread but I still manage to recognize the purpose and reason that people are given such a wonderful opportunity called life.

she was Rose
he was a Dandelion
the end.

she was the Moon.
he was the Sun.
the end.

she was a Willow
he was a Ginkgo
the end.

she was a Royal
he was a Peasant
the end.

But
she was the River
he was the Rocks

she was the Lightning
he was the Thunder

she was the Rain
he was the Clouds

she was the Captain
he was the First Mate

she was the Princess
he was the Prince

she was a Mermaid
he was a Human

she was the Beauty
he was the Beast

she was a Reader
he was a Writer

Do you recall when it all began?
Where it began?
How it began?
Why it began?
Do you recall anything at all?

Do you recall being in all the same classes?
Always partnering together on assigned projects?
Giving each other funny looks?
Trying to make each other laugh?
All those inside jokes?
Our rehearsals and performances?
Going on our "First Date"?

Then there's those moments we always regret
Not talking to each other
Walking away from one another
Getting frustrated at one another
Pointless arguments that ruined us
Forgetting one another

Please don't forget me.
Don't forget you.
Don't forget us.

Six months later...

Are we still best friends?

Now we've broken all our promises
let each other down
broke our hearts
crushed our hopes

We've rejected each other's invitations
words of heart
words of praise
words of love

barely talk to each other
don't even glance at each other
avoid each other
We've become complete strangers

Our dreams are forgotten
so are the moments
we've forgotten ourselves
we've forgotten us.

What happened?
Was it me?
Was it you?
Will we ever be the same again?

It was my fault
for that I am sorry
I never should have showed weakness
the way I do now

It was your fault
for that I am sorry
You never should have lifted me
from the suffering I've lived in

It was our fault
for that I am sorry
We never should have fallen for each other
but maybe it was God's plan.

Here's to those who long for perfection
for somebody to hold
for somebody to hold them
to have a shoulder to cry on
to share a laugh with
to never stop dreaming
to never grow up

Here's to those whose wishes were wasted
whose hearts were shattered
who feel empty and worthless
who pretend to be okay
who feel like a disappointment
who took a chance
who don't know who they are
who don't understand everything

Here's to those who sacrifice so much
who will do anything to make a smile on another's face
who put on a brave face so other's don't have to
who are completely lost in another world
who could not make it no matter how much they tried
who are dead inside but pretend to live
who are forgotten

Here's to those who just want to be happy.
who loves but not receive it in return
who feel like they don't belong
who wish to start over
who live with regrets
who held onto the past
who found happiness
who desires for happiness

I understand
I have been there before
But if there is something that one must know
It is that...

I love you with all my heart.

If Tomorrow never came
I want to hold your hand again
Feel your skin against mine
I want to see Perfection one last time
Your beautiful face
Your pure eyes
Precious smile
I want to hear Perfection one last time
Your silly laugh
Your piercing screams
Gentle voice
I want to touch Perfection one last time
Your small hand
Your soft skin
Surrounding arms
I want to smell Perfection one last time
Your floral scent
Your cooking
Bitterness
I want you to know that I love you
That I have so much planned for us
I never regretted each moment I spent with you
But I regret those that I didn't
But now I regret this poem
I'm only embracing the fact that we won't  be together anymore.

17 May 2014

Dear Sarah,
Before I begin, I want you to know that this is not a farewell letter. This is for all the words left unsaid between us. This is for all those moments that are forever held in our memories. This is for treasuring the past and embracing the future. When I first met you in eighth grade, I knew that my life wouldn't just be going in one direction any longer. I recall complimenting you that you had this really cool and interesting accent. I had no idea where you were from until we began sitting next to each other on the bus. We would always complain about the heat and I always warned you that it would be worse. I think we all know who was right. But little did I know that those simple bus rides would lead into this beautiful friendship. I remember all the amazing times during those two years that we were able to spend together as if it was yesterday. Through all the drama, homework, tests and sleepless nights, nothing has ever come between our strong friendship. So I won't let 2,081.1 miles make any difference at all. Instead, I will still be here supporting your decisions in your future. You've definitely got a friend in me so do not hesitate to just call and I'll give my hand to you as you did for me.
As I was falling deeper and deeper, a pair of hands reached out and pulled me back up. When I felt myself slipping away, it was your hands that held on even tighter. It is easy and simple to become friends, and it is difficult to remain friends; but it is the hardest to say goodbye to a friend. I am sorry, but I cannot do the hardest part. It is as if I am unable to press the stop button for my music until it is playing; you cannot say hello until you have said goodbye. The only reason I am saying goodbye to you is so that I can get the chance to say hello to you again. I may force my voice and tongue to say the word goodbye, but my heart will never truly mean it. Honestly, I can never say goodbye to someone as wonderful as you.
The following is from an Broadway musical.
"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn and we are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them. And we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you....It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So, let me say before we part so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart, and now whatever way our stories end I know you'll have rewritten mine by being my friend." Everyone deserves the chance to fly and Virginia is your new sky. Please take it. You will never be leaving us because when I look at the future that we have ahead of us, there you will be.

It became that day too soon
The day that we will be torn apart
Leaving me sobbing on the floor
And you gasping for air
Leaving me heartbroken
And you hopeful
That the day will be reversed
Where we will be mended together
Leaving me in your arms
And you within mine
Leaving me relieved
And you worried
All at once
You were snatched away from me
Leaving me in shock
But in that time
In that moment
I would have remembered and memorized
Every single feature about you
So that when I'm alone
and am asleep
I can see you in my arms
and in my dreams
and soon in reality

Every time I take a step closer to you
You take a step back
Another step taken
Is another step wasted
But when you change your mind and heart
You take a step closer to me
But I will not step back
I will not budge
Instead, I will stand there
And wrap my arms around you
Stroke your neck and hair
Until the moment we cannot hold each other anymore
And when that moment comes
I'll be the one to let go
Because I was the broken one
And all I truly needed was a hug

In the short story, "The Rocking-Horse Winner" written by D.H. Lawrence, the young boy, Paul, associates luck with wealth and bets large amounts of money on the soon-to-be winning horses. His family is extremely wealthy but can barely afford to keep up to their title. What is one thing that society does not know yet the children do about the mother? They know that their mother does not love her own children. She gives them everything they need and want except for one thing. And that one thing they do need is love. One knows love by the look in their eyes. It is much more difficult to lie with eyes than with words and actions. She is materialistic and adores money and extravagance. I think we all agree that the mother is oblivious to her situation. How are we not like the mother? The truth is, we are exactly like the mother. She doesn't realize that love is not a number, money or products but that love is looking into one's eyes and showing true affection. We are in complete illusion that wealth leads to happiness. We think the same thoughts when the more we have, the more successful we may be however in reality, it is false. A perfect example is Black Friday. Companies, businesses and customers all decided to cut the Thanksgiving holiday to purchase more "stuff" to make them "happy". They decided to cut the time to spend with family, friends and relatives to spend for themselves and others. Who is the villain in the story? Most believe villains are a something or a someone who prevents the "good guy" from achieving their goal, also known as an antagonist, however the villain in this story cannot be seen, touched, smelled or even tasted. It can only be spoken and heard of. It is an imaginative villain. It is merely the manipulation of the mind of the misconception that luck is associated with wealth. This begins the entire issue with obsession and materialism. I'm sure we all agree that luck is something that happens to you without you possibly deserving or expecting it. But what is luck when others are given it? For example, if a random stranger gives your friend $100, another $1,000, but gave you only $20. Would you still feel lucky? Well, in all honesty it all depends on our circumstances, which then determine our values. Shouldn't it be reversed where our values determine our circumstances?

In the end, over the many years of bets and deference, Paul has been riding his rocking horse to find the true winner and to find luck.

Unwanted and Untouched
Nasty and Nothing
Torn and ******
Isolated and Incomplete
Thin and Terrible
Lifeless and Lacking
Empty and Evil
Divided and Despicable

I found a Dream
where we were together
holding hands
chasing a butterfly
drowning in our laughter
mending our hearts
wearing daisies in our hair
kisses on our noses
expecting for time to pass
fighting against evil
nursing our wounds
singing our hearts out
sleeping in each other's arms
never growing old
criticizing the world
promising our love
reliving precious memories
Until reality woke me up