to the boy who knows
my name, but whom
i don't have any recollection
of knowing,

i can't be rude to you
because i am afraid
you'll become violent, but please
please stop following me.

no matter how loud
i turn up
my music,
their musical laughter
still reaches
my ears, and
reminds me
how i am
not a part of
their card game.

i am sitting only
a yard away
three
feet
away
and they can't find
the motivation to
invite me over.

i turn my music
up louder
but nothing
can drown out the
voices that tell me
i deserve to be
sitting a yard away,
excluded.

to the beautiful ******* the
other side of the railing,
going down the stairwell
while i was going up,

you complimented my pants
half an hour ago.
i'm still thinking and
smiling about it.

spectacle on a street corner
          maybe a ******* or two
                            couple looking for directions
            performer, musician, mime, cases for money
                                     the faint, flickering lightpost
                    on the street corner across the intersection
                                                  ca­sting shadows on their faces

spectacle on a street corner
           bustling busy
                           people searching for entertainment from shops
               came at the wrong time for a show
                                     the harsh sun, unrelenting
                    on the street corners of the intersection
                                                    ­daytime isn't nearly as telling of the
spectacle on a street corner

i am afraid to die
which is surprising
coming from a girl who
always says she wants to.

because the truth is
i don't want to die
unless i can do it
myself.