at the end of it
the end of GIN
sweet botanicals!
how you fill my soul with rain and my heart with heat
a lifeblood for the courageous
drink GIN

The heart pumps borrowed blood
a celestial transfusion
Banished to terrestrial life
One step from outer darkness

Prophet, Liar, and Revelator

If you don’t love me, you’re better than that
flesh against flesh, the sheer beatings of the drum of human skin, stretched across the frame of our bones and desire

beating, beating together in a race against boredom
its the source and the result
God’s own trick of the tongue, the teeth and the lips

Be together to create one, or divide two

My worst, my true, my end
Has the best be falsified?
The most beautiful
This ride, my pride
I walk the night and see the light
I fall, I wade to higher tides
To drown in __, in glory.
My right to flail in this new...
Equilibrium
It’s my Apotheosis
After my dawn and sunset rise
This place among these tides
Where emptiness finds its eternal round
And grips the place where I have fallen
Among the thorns and softness of arms waiting
To love oneself and  
...
I’ll never be that One upon the wall.
I’ve chosen this Life
and this Fall
This smoke signal from God
To live among this recklessness
Without a friend, without a foe
I am myself
One with the Rocks, upon the Throne of
My Apotheosis

GOOD girl what a good girl good girl who’s a good girl
and she sat and took it


She’s the one who looked into their eyes and said
hey this what we are going to do and who cares
come if you want
if you dont wait its ok
tooo
because ill be alone here and fighting for my chance to feel the wind and the glitter
and the glue
life is the meaning of art
and the meaning of art is leave me the **** alone im a person

after living this way for so long a person starts to feel like what the **** man **** **** ****
*******

and thats basically the story of life
and how life began and where life will end
and when a person dies they give up the ghost
the ghost of course is a supernatural force that lives within the soul of a person
yes, beneath the soul, but over the heart
because the heart pumps blood of course
it is essential to keeping the body alive
and the brain is the body
and the thoughts come from the brain
so please keep me alive so the brain drain and the heart collide and keep me from blackness

Rainbow
Of earth divide me
To the crush
Of yours it gave.

Stories of growing up...

The black rabbit rings divide me,
Walls and nails hold me up.

The light glowed over my hair,
I felt like an angel
Covering the earth..
Divide me.

Borrowed from broken blood
i live the nights, feeling each molecule pass
lost in a wave
in a haze
I Care About You

Sleeping in our Place
I waited for you
to be only together, you have a face that reminds me of peace and soli-dude and
death

how did I find you in a word that means nothing
empty car; pathogen in a word of fret
7 11

sleeping on mattrasses

I miss her
You, the feel of water
sweet waves, against gentle palms
and grass, flowing over innocence and joy
Bermuda
only, Weeds
and your dog was sick
awkward jubilation,
I FEEL NOTHING
a sea without salt,
I love you, beauty

All the dogs and cats have fur
And run to me fast

They are monsters in my face
With eyes of glass
Into the night.

All the dogs and cats were witches.

And the Doors open
And all things upon and among them
Become the spooks on the monster’s face.

They must go away.

There is something to be said about humor.
I think it’s a wide judgement, and no cruel word to say
I knew that once and I identify
And identiFLY
Took it and ran,
took it and flew
Who even cares these days what’s a word’s a word
And a sound is just as well
Until some guy who says
Get off here... you...
Even if this is what you’re about, don’t fathom
Because I do what I want!
I’ll get you till I’ll get you
And when you’re mine you’re mine
Maybe beautiful but maybe an *******
It’s easy to say we should be rational and think
but I say take to the sky, even though he makes me
Sick!
Sick!
Sick!
He was so kind that time I collapsed on the balustrade
And said shall I come?
Declining, a walk, a step, in the Dark was my way
Appreciating non Apathy
But recognizing distrust
It’s my time to wander, to pant
to breathe in unhappiness
Just let me do it, as you say...
You

Her hair, I’m seeing the white bathroom
And on her beautiful head
Long, auburn and curly
I don’t remember anything
But the desire for closeness
Innocence and the bonds of womanity
She worried for me, about me, wanted to help me
Lips pressed against my child brow
Warm I was, and so thrilled
This is what I want to be
And my daddy bought monkey brains
Doors close, windows open and I still peer in
Then and now
We eat them down the hill, in the green, to the car.
Bliss for togetherness

Entwined like three snakes
7 to nine, i feel the Waves
little kisses on the backboard of stored
memosas
"just for love"
whats the name of that song?
each riff like a blade, cutting salt and ice
it made the sea, it made the Tides
Whispers

was once old has become as new as each night
a passing phase so pure, it´s remembrance
of that which faded once, is made new with the blood of a new generation
yet an everlasting pain,
so clean it can not be forsaken
each night asleep
dreams pass me by in pursuit of this Everlasting
for i can remember once, I too had dreams
I dreamt of something more than my solitude, but within the shadows of familiarity,
community, blood, and fortune
a peace so easily overlooked, it meant so little to those who sought power
For I found grace, somewhere the sun shines diffused amongst all that which means beauty
Radiance: clean, with a purpose  
a pain so true it rents me
every hour a sinew fades
becomes what I was
becomes what will happen
when fortune also fades, and eternity reaches round
the end was the beginning
the start came only halfway
and i am left in the wake of what will be and never will be
a place reserved for that wooden cradle by the sea wrapped in wool

it happened once, it can happen again
I'm sure of it
I'm sure
the source of All Longing
is that cradle

(it was the sea kissing the shore that did it
the sweet grasses in the bitter wind
white as the snow, the rocks  
drifting through memory
the only truly honorable
found themselves on these shores
looking into that vessel
it meant so much
enough  to live and to die
enough to fight and give in
surround and protect,
overcome at the end of all things
this Holy Ground; its fading from me)

Just this time
And maybe one more

My brother, sweet and new
He knows nothing of this world yet
So new to life, still breathing in
these wafting breaths
Water can we not live without, yet stumbling
Needing the poison of a thousand years
Death must come and nothing breaking
My eyes! That green!
What happened to Erika?
I heard she’s met her mate
And lived happily
Ever after
This dream is my Wake
I’m just a part of this world. And I miss them so much.
They had blond hair as children and I’m blind.
The color of tree bark was mine.
how hard it must be to be his Sister.
And she scolded.
I cried because of this tenderness that follows brotherhood.
Will he ever know?
His eyes are covered like the blindness I’ve received.
I guess this impairment brings sympathy.
In time, a baby from a child.

In ponderment there was delving
A desire to know but never ask
There is no danger in exposing, only learning
Learning it was someone who’s name you heard
They can say it, what happens
A need to escape the mindwrappings
Here it’s only guilt and a bigot’s chance to shine
Theirs and those who are guilty
At least they think so
Every moment a dull sting
Maybe more of an urge, a pull to a higher plain
Only to be beaten down again for the sake of climbing higher
Not theirs, theirs. The pious.
The same, the same, everyone
There’s only guilt and guilty disguised
Maybe I’ll move to New York

She went off, thinking:
This will be it, the ultimate
If I succeed, theyll know for sure im worth it
And at the end of a year and some months, ill know it
And he’ll wait

But will he?
Can i prove my worth through the minutes he sits alone
through the weeks he waits for my letters
And at the end of it say that i am the one
and he waited
and waited

Then Ill know

But she comes back like, This Conversation is Over
More belittled than before, with half the vigor
Forgotten and isolated
abandoned by herself

IM SO FAT!
Can you believe how disgusting this is…
And they are so ***** there,
My fate is concealed in the the dishsoap wiping away
the grease and disaster

Home is solitude
and multitude
It’s the brief moments of alone-ness behind the veil of entrapment


He came and waited, anticipating the kiss
From the moment he saw my shirt to the moment he hit the ground, his thought was
Ali.

And he waited.

Teeter totter
Teeter daughter
Little nail

How true.

The numbers and letters mean nothing contrasted with the poverty
to live alone in the trailer and the border of all things,
personified by the silver lashings and Quick Tongue of the survivors
whose memory has been lost in the words of others, in another tongue
they live to tell the story of their fathers, but of my fathers?
the words are thin
spread too long against the grain of rocks and stones in a foreign land.
and the song they sung lost its echoes long before my feet touched the soil  
they worked until death

And again i see the face— the blond hair, the blue eyes (I think they’re eyes, eye think they’re blue)
and he stares stares stares and reminds
reminds of the life we had together
privileged and without despair
although i did shun him once
and every day
everyday shun
but forgives and forgives again because of what we do in secret:
that which no one may know but us

that my kindness in oneness masks the fear of what i face:
the faces, each one

each staring and behind them

there is something more, and it perceives all


take me back to the place of unwatered rock and the soil with a complicated past.

Within these months a reality grew
An ignorance filled with beauty and pain
But I guess that’s what this life means
A balance
A newness
I’ve met my other side and taken it in
And with each breath I feel the waves change
Fluorescence
It’s my bane and my exhilarating birth
Into this new life of understanding
The most Beautiful ends with the most breaking,
Telling of natures
He never will know?
He may if he gives the time to take
From this breast of mine
Which he has betrayed
Like the yellow and the blue
The things I’ve always loved have left me in this state




I’m loving every other moment
He’s more than cats and dogs
Even though he wears a mask he loves me
I’ve never seen lips more willing
To tell me
Exposing every smile
That he knows
What if he’s not from this world?
I wouldn’t want to meet someone who was.

I was looking at this picture of a woman
And my thoughts were, She’s wearing overalls
She exists, or has existed.  Her Body, her Soul
And there were words too
A familiar man spoke some tender sounds
I felt the reassuring reverb and felt like this is it
I know him somewhere
And this woman he knows too, but not me, not really
I’m shaped by him, his mind is glass
Letting all light, all dark pour in
And that feeling, overwhelming
too sacred for the words I’ve learned
speak to me, speak about her, and on behalf of us all
Something we cannot comprehend
The human ear hears not the whisperings of who he is
Each sound is a wave and it must crack upon uneven shores
Too much here
Something has left my life.

melting into soil
souls pass

and their fathers take them by hand
call them by name,

before blackness fades and they are no more

i breathe
and the little glimmers of artificial light
are also real
hand on a white wall
felt for the first time