The guilt is deep
I feel it in my sleep
Creeping through my bones
Making its way to my soul
I don't deserve you Mama
I don't deserve you

My lies and deception
Turned your love for me to resentment
Wish I could take away the pain I caused you
Make up for every time I wronged you

Your only child, your heart
The memories fade away
I never listened, but you were always right
Stubborn and young, always ready to put up a fight
I don't deserve the love you gave me
I used you, and I'll admit it
I stole,
I threw it all way
For a boy, for a high
Priorities all ****** up
I just wanted alone time

Don't blame you if you desert me
Because I'm not done ******* up
Baffled and confused at this game we call life & love
Wish I could take away
All those disgusting things I said
The disrespect
The neglect for your feelings
But who am I kidding
My selfishness is what got me here

You're all I truly have
You leaving me is my greatest fear
And every night I shed a tear
Because I don't deserve you
I'm sorry mama
For the lies, my refusal to compromise
Yelling at you and never taking your advice
When you were always right
Without a doubt you were always right

I was young, I lost sight
I’ve yet to gain it back
I never want to fight
But I’m hotheaded,
Always on the attack
Say I get it from my father
But is that an excuse?
For blatant parental abuse
For saying I hate you Mama
I lied Mama
I always lie
I couldn’t bear
To let you know the truth
I’m not who you think I am
I am someone
Much worse
And it hurts to write this
Because I know it’s true
And I can’t hide anymore
But I force myself to
For the sake of you Mama
For the sake of you

In my dreams, you approach me slowly
After all this time,
You still don’t understand a woman is holy
Laying here wishing that you’d call me, if only, if only
If this is love than loving is lonely

I’m high on your silence and I can’t stand you tonight
I feel safer in your violence
I’m out of papers, I can’t seem to stand upright
Don’t pull up tryna hold me
You only wanted half, never the whole me
Who are you to suddenly try and console me? Sugar coated little lies, you are so hard to believe, so hard to define

My lil narcissist
Every weekend I’d get my fix
You disappear like magic trick
I fall back like what a trip
Pop these pills and take a sip
This ain’t the time to lecture me, I ain’t tryna hear ****
What did you expect from me? I can’t even get you to notice me
And maybe I don’t know my purpose, or have it all figured out
But does that mean I should let you make me feel worthless? Is it worth it? Ain’t I worth it?

Actions speak louder baby
And your i they have shown, that you would much rather be all alone, baby
With your own thoughts to comfort you
I’m done feeling like I bother you, baby
I can hear it in your tone, you’d much rather be alone, baby
And I’d be in better company with my own reflection
Tired of simply being your possession
Done with my sick obsession
Please tell me was this your intention?
I have so many questions
Your love was infectious
Side effects, depression

And I can do me by myself
You were never any help
Gave you all of myself
And got little to nothing in return
Using me for you own gratification
Weekends in my bed are your idea of love heartbreak
vacation, and I can’t take the constant tension you bring around
You give me headaches without making a sound, your idea of love is sick and profound