Your shirt is on my
   Pillow but I just cry cuz
        It has no heartbeat.

He carries me away and we sync.
I am in love.
With the way he moves, his purity, his honesty.
I am in love
With the partnership, the trust, and the power.
In him is a reflection of myself.
An image of the soul at its deepest.
He's the one presence I could never live without.
The true love of my life
The horse.

Fingers through my hair, running down my face.
Who have I become? Not a trace
Of who I intended to be in the first place.

When did I decide it was okay
Not to stand my ground, let myself decay
And welcome sadness in, let it stay?

I've really gotta learn to to love myself.
Put self-hatred down, leave it on a shelf.
Never let it weigh me down again.

If I close my eyes tight enough I can feel your skin again.
My fingers can be locked tightly between yours again.
Your breath dances on my cheek...again.
I'm trapped in desperation to be close to you again.
I find myself wrapped in your shirt you sent me off with
Sprayed in your cologne that reminds me it wasn't a dream.

There is something about crying in the shower.
It soothes my crouching body in warm drops.
Erases my anxiety, makes me connected
To something.
I cant do that with people anymore.
Connect, you know?
****, when you've gone through so many close friends?
You kind of get used to being ready to move on.
Immediately.
My smiles, my made up face, are friendly.
Inside I feel the defense come up that keeps me
From feeling close.
And it feels safe, you know?
That disconnect.
It's just second-nature to me now.

Until you're ready I'll say it
Behind my eyes whenever they catch yours.
Under my breath after you've gone.
Beneath my skin when it itches for you.
Laced in my lips when I say goodnight.
Slipped from my tongue when it cant be contained.
I love you.

You're here.
With me.
I'm in your passenger seat.
My lungs take full, deep breaths of summer air.
A breeze tickles my skin, tangles my hair.
Red light.
Your hand finds my jeans, follows their seam.
Our smiles meet, I blink.
It's just another daydream.

On the loneliest of days I close my eyes.
I close them and trace my sheets with my fingertips
And try to feel your skin instead.

I bury my head into my pillow at night
As I do your chest mid embrace
When I need a good sigh.

On the loneliest of days I close my eyes.
I close them and remember the way
You kiss my dimples when I smile.

I can still feel the tingling
Left from every single kiss
Placed on the tip of my nose.

On the loneliest of days I close my eyes.
I close them and remember that very soon
These feelings will hold weight again.

See you soon.

One of these days, maybe you will realize
What you really have
Standing in front of you.

One of these days, maybe you wont say I am different.
You will show me instead
And sleep in my bed.

One of these days, maybe you will realize
And pick up the slack
And you will say IT back.

Your eyes are so blue, so tempting.
Like the clarity of an ocean with hidden dangers.
A captivating sea of desires I dare not say aloud.
I am up to my neck with you, too deep to go back.
Yet, every gaze into those eyes holds my wishes.
But I fear they will never be returned from a broken well.

Number 1
Playgrounds and innocence.
Those were the days, right?
Friendship had a whole other meaning then.
We shared laughs, secrets, zero worries.
But the day you moved, that was the end.
We both moved on.

Number 2
Friends since the 4th grade and going, going...
Kind of.
We did pretty much everything together.
Switching barns when I did, camping, etc, etc.
High school came and we had different friends.
But, we still talk at least, right?
Sometimes.

Number 3
You were the only one who made me feel visible.
Phone calls every day, even if we just saw each other.
When you first moved, we wrote constantly.
Now you're about to get married and so much has changed.
We don't talk much at all now, but it's hard to imagine
You know, us being the same.
Should we meet again.

Number 4
I will never understand what happened.
We shared passions and great talks.
That sudden silence hit me hard though.
Out of nowhere, I didn't exist any longer.
And just like that
It was over

Number 5
I tried so hard, but you chose.
I was there, but you were blind to it.
Yet you blamed, cursed, insisted foul play.
I couldn't save you and I had to go.
We're both burned from the scars on your wrists.

Number 6
The last straw.
We moved in together, perfect roommates.
Then he moved in.
And they came around.
Replaced so fast and the best part?
Mary Jane was your new confidant.