There is something about crying in the shower.
It soothes my crouching body in warm drops.
Erases my anxiety, makes me connected
To something.
I cant do that with people anymore.
Connect, you know?
****, when you've gone through so many close friends?
You kind of get used to being ready to move on.
Immediately.
My smiles, my made up face, are friendly.
Inside I feel the defense come up that keeps me
From feeling close.
And it feels safe, you know?
That disconnect.
It's just second-nature to me now.

Until you're ready I'll say it
Behind my eyes whenever they catch yours.
Under my breath after you've gone.
Beneath my skin when it itches for you.
Laced in my lips when I say goodnight.
Slipped from my tongue when it cant be contained.
I love you.

You're here.
With me.
I'm in your passenger seat.
My lungs take full, deep breaths of summer air.
A breeze tickles my skin, tangles my hair.
Red light.
Your hand finds my jeans, follows their seam.
Our smiles meet, I blink.
It's just another daydream.

On the loneliest of days I close my eyes.
I close them and trace my sheets with my fingertips
And try to feel your skin instead.

I bury my head into my pillow at night
As I do your chest mid embrace
When I need a good sigh.

On the loneliest of days I close my eyes.
I close them and remember the way
You kiss my dimples when I smile.

I can still feel the tingling
Left from every single kiss
Placed on the tip of my nose.

On the loneliest of days I close my eyes.
I close them and remember that very soon
These feelings will hold weight again.

See you soon.

One of these days, maybe you will realize
What you really have
Standing in front of you.

One of these days, maybe you wont say I am different.
You will show me instead
And sleep in my bed.

One of these days, maybe you will realize
And pick up the slack
And you will say IT back.

Your eyes are so blue, so tempting.
Like the clarity of an ocean with hidden dangers.
A captivating sea of desires I dare not say aloud.
I am up to my neck with you, too deep to go back.
Yet, every gaze into those eyes holds my wishes.
But I fear they will never be returned from a broken well.