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2.4k · Mar 2013
Montage
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
You wander down the hallway
Feeling something shiver inside of you
You wonder what this feeling might be
And suddenly an image of his face
Pierce your corneas
A second later
He is there
And when you pass in the hallway
He looks at you sideways
Widens his eyes.
You furrow your brow
Lift the corners of your lips
Tilt your head
You mention how you always see him in this hallway
He considers you. Then.
He says it is God’s will
You get the wind knocked out of you
You know that it shows on your face
He dismisses you
But not before you say that you agree
That it is God’s will
You take your casual leave
Calling him by his nickname
Stepping into the elevator
You remember he calls himself a liberal
You hug yourself
You wonder if he sees his God in you
You remember he was born on Palm Sunday
You chuckle to yourself
You walk past your roommates
You feel their eyes on your back
You sit down and eat your dinner
You stand at the window
You watch the buildings bleed onto the streets
Manhattan swirls underneath you
There are points of light on little moving objects
The cars and the people
The colors and the lights
The smoke and the sky
The city pulsates, the city snarls
Eager for you to take the streets
You gaze out your window
And so, you decide, it is
It is God’s will and just exactly who
Are you
To deny it?
1.1k · Apr 2013
Duende
Michelle Ang Apr 2013
That earth spirit

black, dark, flame flickering at the end of the tunnel
i appreciate our ancestors who took care of the soles of their feet

that feet rooted to the earth

that spirit rooted within the body underneath the skin

the soul is not separate from the body
butoh cries out in the darkness for a dance

there is a silent scream

then a piercing sound, you see a Woman's body as she convulses on the ground

you notice the beautiful tendons and muscles in the back and thighs of this one male dancer

Ohno's hands are veiny and paper thin and utterly divine the way it ripples

butoh spirit to the ground and I find my journey for that way of life
starts with taking care of the soles of my feet

Duende and that color black
one step and you won't come back
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
Yes, there is something
so satisfying
about carrying a Degas print
on the surface of my purse
around New York City

Toting the tote
clutching it to my side
a prize
somewhere from across the street
it catches the eye of a stranger
who has a special affinity
for impressionist painters
ballet dancers in pastel colors

And for a moment
we meet
and for a moment
he envies the purse
so close to me

we dance a special dance
our eyes dance
to and fro
back and forth
to meet or not to meet
and then he answered the question

running across the street and down the stairs
towards a subway train
his skinny frame
swallowed up by the stairs

This one
this poem
this poem on a Friday evening
wasn't much about anything at all
but it is still worth noting
1.0k · Mar 2013
Sunday on the West Coast
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
The breeze sits in your palm.

the sun is a whimpering haze
of orange and white.

It has been a while since we
have been to church.

We twine our hands together,
Perched like birds on a row of knees.


the crooked pews, aquamarine stained glass windows

the empty space swirling around our panting bodies
in great whorls,

father david spewing forth the gospel, we speak in unison
thanks be to god in the highest, have peace to his people on earth.

Beforehand, we had a family lunch
in the fast food court of the local mall
my father had his name tag, his hat,
his managerial shirt and company-approved trousers,
and the same plate of food he has
consumed for eleven years,

we chew methodically,
enjoy the four-part silence,

glance shiftily at intervals,

let the words hang,
never leap,
off our tongues.

My father is a brave man, defeat is in his posture,
but never his spirit,

he has spent years of his life
in fast food courts, barely daring
to move an inch
for our sake

now he has shrunk into himself,
a man for all men. He sits, patiently.

listen, listen to me,
what I do,
I do for my family,
to let his last sigh be one of relief,

to salvage my mother and father's
hidden grief, to hold it
close to my heart, and let them know that
I understand.

We stop by a cherry orchard,
little Knopp's farm where every item
is home-made.
I strain the very tip of my fingers

to reach that dark purple cluster
of cherries that are warmed by the sun,
and taste like the earth,

it is a hawk and tumbleweed sort of a day.

my brother drapes the weight of his body
over the tree branches, my mother
is on tiptoe on ***** buckets to rip the berries
from the stem,
I watch them both and bristle, struck
by their loveliness.
780 · Mar 2013
New Skin
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
I could really lose myself in you.
There is a moment of reckoning I think I might have shared what I feel with one flick of my eyes to think you hold me in this way I might have been happy once I couldn’t think of the dusk thick moment place both palms on his heart and shove and even though you hurt you do not talk you walk and keep your brow straight line up your chin and then when it is all over there will be a day where I can lay still and be content and finally wrap myself in limbs arms and legs of him him him that him that might have been or might be and this fear that fear your fear my fear that lives breathes and sleeps in the closet of the heart the heart red and engorged see the beat but oh it falters when you close your eyes and blow a labored breath through the O of your mouth

I could really lose myself with you.
Where I take all the dark corners of my mind to make one shifting kaleidoscope of color back and forth between one black and one blue piece and how they dance together is the light that makes the joy music ring out from underneath my tongue how I have strained to hold on to this great piece of me this body that belonged to me and mine alone my mind a static prison I have to love and to hold to cherish forever and then you came along with your sway and suddenly I couldn’t breathe couldn’t bear to hold myself together as I have been and I unraveled into something akin to spinning tops will I ever stop will I ever win or will I only spin on and on until you find a way to finish my song do you hear me blistering for you all of the heat in my fingertips do you sense that when I am near I know you by your voice your step by the way that you breathe I we you me which one which one shall it be I can not decide help me save my pride go on hide until the danger has passed and we can greet each other with a simple hello in the hallways and then life goes back to stable mentality and I am left to ponder why I never go to Central Park on sunny days
749 · Mar 2013
Daddy,
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
today I ate
a chocolate croissant
and thought
of you
how you
would eat it
in two
bites
stains
on your
fingertips
653 · Mar 2013
Fever Dream
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
That was the day your face seared onto the inside of my eyelids. That was the day a gentle hunger stroked my belly, and that was the day where we trekked the entire length of Manhattan with Gershwin bubbling from our mouths. And that was the day I discovered the city at night in broad strokes, that was the time where my steps grew a little bit larger, where we painted the soles of our feet and colored the sidewalks our footprints dripped where the colors blend you held my hand and held your breath as you walked against the red light.

That was the summer you began the nonchalance around me and that’s when I knew our friendship was over, sailed on when the vessels in my nose broke and blood started gushing out. I was bending over the sink to catch the droplets in the water fingers poised over the bridge of my nose to stem the flow and when I called out for you, called out your name, you replied with clinical directness completely impassive and proceeded to google how to stop nosebleeds all the while chanting “nose nose nose” in a singsongy breath and that’s when I knew that the ship has sailed onto muddy waters.

Which is the dream and which is reality? For there are some images that are so beautiful I find it hard to believe I was awake and yearning

*That was the day where you reached to fix a leaf on a branch and I caught a pale sliver of flesh, that streak of white stomach, the glance down at me, the blush, the light tarnishing that yellow hair, setting my heart ablaze
634 · Mar 2013
Gravity
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
I don’t read a lot,
But
I know enough
To
Read
You.
I can see
You
Like
Me.
What will it take
For
Us
To
Be
Friends (lovers)
Impossible (possible)
Immoral (moral)
Wrong (right)
What I felt when
We skipped
In
The
Night.
When the buildings dripped
Streetlights blurred
The colors in
My hair,
(smell of sulfur in the air)
I was happy
(your alkaline stare)
I was pure
(not mine to share)
See, his beloved
Standing there?
The same
Colors
In
Her
Hair.
589 · Mar 2013
Jazz Baby
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
There are times like these
When there is a sudden downcast of rain
When the apartment is filled with sunlight and quiet
When I am alone and listening to the silence between everyday noise
that I miss being with you.

At the theater, I sat next to a woman,
That smelled like your skin,
That sort of dusty, musky, primal scent
Right after the thickest of heat,

Under the sheets

She reeked of it.

And there I was
Torn to the marrow
As the dancers leap and twirl
Thrash their bodies about
To the strains of Nina Simone
As I close my eyes,
I can only see your fingers, but even that is enough

*Jazz baby piano baby silhouette slender dark on the red curtain baby sax baby speaking of a dream falling further and further the room is hot and stuffy and smells like musk like dust and like him like his body jazz baby like the hollow of his chest jazz baby like the space behind his ears jazz baby long gone back home is my home jazz baby no more but forever will you be with me crave him because he is the first and only jazz baby you will ever have

don’t forget he left you because there was no touch
no feel
just a rush
into a push
into a ******
a shove
The back beat accent of his love
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
All these last four days of March I walked past the lighted church shivering in the unrelenting cold the wind bit my cheeks all up and down 9th avenue these last four days of Easter week
there is a knot at the center of me that holds all of the strings in my body
and then there is this rising in me that propels me through eighty blocks until 5 in the morning
until the sun ray glistens a golden sheen on the mirrored side walls of mighty towers in the city of those who never sleep
this morning in a morning voice I hurl my name into the silence
I will have this city in all of its honks chatter and chirps
All these last four days of March I tightened the knot but loosened the string all these last mornings in a morning voice in March I rose with my heart in my throat a line on my lips and a tingling in my feet
549 · Apr 2013
Maybe, Baby
Michelle Ang Apr 2013
Where is my home?

I do not think home is a house,
Home is anywhere I feel most at peace


I like listening to the blues

(bear this in mind,
       a true friend is hard to find
don’t mind
       people
grinning in your face)

Son house singing by himself
Clapping without rhythm
Just him and his voice and his hands and his heart


Whatever happened to that girl last year?

Oh, we grew apart

(I don’t understand
people who throw away “I love you"
or even worse;
“love you”
as if they could not bear
to attach themselves to the claim)

Asked to choose: heavy or light?

I hold a weight in my hand,
but then I grow muscle


(I am strong enough to hold the world on my shoulders)

O mio amico
let me know
483 · Jun 2013
Revisiting
Michelle Ang Jun 2013
I can’t promise you anything,
I can’t promise that I won’t wake up and want to move away from you,
I can not tell the future, I am here, with you,
now, in the moment, in our bed.
Warming my cold feet against your warm skin,
I run my fingers down the bridge of your nose.
The room is bathed in light, we are bathed in light,
this is what counts, knowing
that this moment is pure.
479 · Mar 2013
For You Today
Michelle Ang Mar 2013
Of course there is applause, a split second before our hands come together we breathe out the sighs we’ve been holding in all day. We hoot and holler with the bystanders for the people on the stage, and of course there is a flickering. The lights dim, and they are gone, and of course someone whispers your name in admiration. Of course there is this longing in me to be with you because there is no doubt you are sensational but of course I keep myself quiet and step away from the line of fire. And of course there is the catcalls the jeering the leering in front of me from that skirt and that eyelash and that painted fingernail towards your person. Of course, there is a moment where I consider you and wonder what if? Then, why? Why your hair, the cut of your chin, your eyes, your stance, and your mouth? Why, you? Of course there is this heat, and then another split second where in the midst of clapping our eyes meet and we bind but of course I look away and place my hands, folded, on my lap.
446 · Jan 2016
decibel
Michelle Ang Jan 2016
I eye
these dreams that dance
like puppets on a broken string

In my head
a purple morning mist descends
Like fingers unfurling, over the valley
the valley that raised me, the rolling hills

a dream to look out my bedroom window
as a child in a swirl of ivory and pink pillows
I dare to recall these simple pleasures

to string those images with the puppets I meet
in my new city, grid city
under ground bars, graffiti, speaking only on
liquid courage, drunk on the scent he seeps

some feathered beings
in my mind fornicate
too dark, too much ink on his arms
and not enough on the page

I can see where the valley lives
within his body
hear the purple morning mist in his voice
riding one long exhalation of breath

this thick beating of my heart
some clawed animal is snarling
in my chest, prowling back, forth  

he’s asking to see my childhood bedroom
the swirl of ivory and pink
so far has only had
six visitors, and none
ever stayed too long

his gaze lingers, his eyes, prismatic
all I need to do
is open the door just a sliver
just enough for him
to fill the room with light,

strangulation, the council in my mind heaves for breath
for the hours we are together
I am brought back, pressed here, and ****** forward

so
so, I marvel at my tenderness, at the sweetness of his lies  
when a him becomes a hymn
how long can you sing the tune
before your throat runs dry

moon wash blue tint soft shadows writhe
river sway trees bend wind bellow shiver sigh

and come the burst of day
what feels like an open wound
feels like a new patch of skin
feels like a bruise that is fading, but still pulsating with a persistent
kind of loneliness

my body is a zoo for all of the animals
I have collected over the years
my breath a haven for orphan
thoughts, caught in the wisp

of his half hearted grip.
373 · Feb 2015
21
Michelle Ang Feb 2015
21
It was only a moment of passion. It was only the passing of time. There was only a glint and a sigh. There was the fall and then the release. There was nothing in between. It was just the idea of a dream. It is about the awareness of oneself in connection to another. It was just support from another breath. It was like magic. It was like a storm. It was only a thrill to be someone’s own. Another person. Another you. Another day in the shadow of truth. Another rhyme. Another lie. Another well gone stone cold dry. You run in the present. You think of the past. You look to the future. Nose against glass. I find myself spilling my guts to the nearest person who is willing to hear. I only blinked and found myself in the crux of another year. I caress my demons. I ****** my fears. (Before you sit, think that those who have your back could also plunge a knife into it.)

I awake to find the sun seeping into my living room underneath the linen curtains. It was only a new day. It was only the refuge of the morning. It was only the smoky curl of jasmine tea up your nostrils. It was only a giant elephant in the room. But you sip and sigh. You think of life and how it is only a matter of time

— The End —