How is the land so quiet, yet loud, when we hear both nothing and everything all around? Will the thoughts I want and the knowledge I need be there for me now amid all these noisy waves? Or will the torture of ether simply consume my faith. This daily battle rages within my head, never knowing which victor will come forth, a thought the only brings more dread. Why must I fear these mental attacks from the nothingness of displeasure that threatens us all? Could it simply be that I have only grown too weak, to filled with fear? A breaking of will and eroding fighting skill has left me defenseless, making this daily battle more precarious and the enemy more formidable with the power it wields.
The morning has started and the warriors make hast, both rushing and taking the most advantageous of place. While I try to relax and hope for the best, I can already feel the shake in my chest. The termers of power and fear I can feel, as the enemy has grown stronger and growing ever near. Laughing and jeering as the brazenly make way, as they see only a handful of defenders in my mind today. While physically I use what I can, to carry on with my journey as husband, father and friend. All the while I know it’s going to be a very dark day.
As my path for the day is being followed alright, my mental defenses are failing and the darkness is taking over the light. The darkness enjoys not only the win, but the pleasure of torturing your happiness till it has come to an end. Slow and steady it’s covered the ramparts and searched for my defenders knowing they are few. Laughing and whispering evil nothings, for they know they shan’t lose.
There taunts the start as only that whisper but grow in depth and cheer as they mercilessly destroy anything that is near. I can feel it more now, the mental with draw and the physical pain, the longing for hope that seems out of range. Fear is strong when there is nothing to face it with, such as love and light. In this moment both these weapons of glory are nowhere in sight. I’m forced to pull what is left, both deep and close in hope that I might fight off this spiteful ghost. The ghost of what, I do not know, only that it haunts my waking hours feeding on my worries and woes.
Deep as can be and curled up within, the feeling of lose is all that’s with in. No more joy, happiness, or hope, it’s all be conquered by this mysterious foe. Sometimes we think that there is nothing more to do when in the face of such anguish and pain, that giving up is the only end game. This is the point when you’re at a crossroads, give up and surrender or dig deeper and bring out the light. One is easy and one is hard, one final and one enduring but riddled with scars. Are the scars worth it, as you’ll never be the same? That’s a choice we must all make when we have battles on these dark days.