If only you knew.
Now it doesn't hurt
but if I'm quiet and everything is
Still
I grasp your absence
That funny feeling
It stings so.
If only you knew l.

But “where are you going? Daddy.”
The words repeating under her breathe…
Mommy called.

Babysitters coming,
She’ll bring a pizza, and play a game.

Grandma. “why is she here.”
Whispers are exchanged outside, little ears don’t need to hear such
Business

Grandma. Leaves.

Mommy doesn’t come home till,
Later than usual.

With grandma.

We gather around the table.
Something is to be said.

…
“wheres daddy?’
Agenda:
Item #1: Padres Presence.

Guys… papas… gone.

Tears, like the murderous blow to a jugular, flows from my eyes.

It was merely those words that brought forth her reaction.
Not the actually death. How are you supposed to respond… to that? Those words?

She was only 15, adults can take it with dignity, but she just a babe.

Faces, they just saw, her.
They just, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t know how to act.

Item #2: profanity.
The cause of a life to pass on,
“please, why couldn’t it have been sickness, car crash, ******?

Just not that. Anything but
…please.

I awoke, in a tent, the fresh summer grass, its Wednesday.
Its also Wednesday, every drop of blood, only to cope with the hole in her childish heart
Endorphins they say: makes her heart beat.

…Now she hurts on the outside too.

Year later, as the heart beats, the pain is back, like an ol war wound.
The memories fade, the pain grows strong.

I hereby commit my life to saving those who struggle with depression, and helping the families of those who couldn’t get help.
I know how you feel, I love you.

4
Mi
Mum

Like two crows fighting over the box seats of the telephone wire.
raGe ragE guilt guilt ..
peck, peck... punch.
Dear Mr. Rabbi, its Hanukkah my good Sir. Merry Christmas:)
.....Wheres my sugar.
Shackles tear my mi skin, holding my heART hostage.
W
H
Y
?
Must i...
kangaroo Christmas cup

take out anger on you?
i dont try,
I
    H         A
e       e         r
a              t
     r       t
      
You.

But I hurt you.
Bruises of blue stain mi heart.

Dominate genes
Plague the Playground.
AIR RAID she's on the move.
Boiling, toiling, troubl
tinsel.
Clinton masks, smiles not included

Sick joke.
(APLAUSE)
....not funny.

eyes of ice, melting out in Spring...drip drop
let's go kids, track marks, and tick tocks.
My body the "Land of the Free" call the editor, false statement.

I'm giving it all away, im giving in,
My Godzilla temper. Peace and love, my mum.
"No, Thank You"....im not fond of___ soup.

Your little Satan,
M.E
(From the deepest cockles of my black heart.)

With savage hunger I dive, I lie
My life too hard to fake, I break
Lines on my arms, tell of tears I cry.

Deaths plague the earth for which I stand
A cardiomorphic design implanted on my side
With savage hunger I dive… I lie.

Sewing needles to mend my broken heart
Tear skin, create sin
Lines on my arms, tell of tears I cry.

Life too violent, for infant like skin
My body, infected with ill desires
With savage hunger I dive…. I lie.

Like an addict, I’m driven to sin
Over and over again
Lines on my arms, tell of tears I cry.

Until, my lifeless flesh departs my brittled bones
Shall I meet my only desire…
With savage hunger I dive…. I lie…
Lines on my arms, tell of tears I cry.