untitled 11/10/11

i was cold and mad
jaw clenched, hostile winds slicing through my dinner attire
all i wanted was to get back to the hotel
**** zombies on my laptop
and maybe watch some canadian television

you saw me j-walking
through a gap in the downtown traffic
you saw my attempt to be cool
perched stylishly atop my head, not pulled all the way down like old
people like their hats
you saw my scowl
angry with myself and discontent with the world

or maybe you didn't see any of that
because when i looked at you
your eyes were locked on my right hand carrying the styrofoam box of
leftover Thai whatever

and i knew, oh i knew
i could see the longing in your eyes
fresh takeout
it might even still be warm
you didn't even know what was inside
you just knew you wanted it
like a child on christmas morning
mouth watering in anticipation
for the present, separated only by wrapping paper

but i walked stiffly right past you
i was the grynch and i stole christmas

did you enjoy it?
those fleeting seconds of hope
fantasizing that maybe i would take pity on your ***** old soul

i'd bet that people walk past you with open food every day
and you have nothing better to do
than inhale deeply, and watch them pass

do you know what it tastes like anymore?
does your tongue remember the texture of cold boxed asian noodles?

when was the last time you've eaten?
that wasn't gathered from the trash
how long has it been
since you've had your mom's home cooking?

i couldn't stand it
it was impossible to tell the material of your clothing
whatever it was, it didn't seem to be holding back the winter

i couldn't stand it
you were holding a pathetic black top hat, more wrinkled than yourself
begging people for spare change
EVERYONE IN THIS WHOLE ******* CITY CAN AFFORD TO GIVE YOU A QUARTER
people aren't stingy *******
we just don't care about you enough to stop
and spend the time to give you that quarter

i turned back
walked the city block to the corner you were still at
and spent the time to give you a meal i would not have appreciated anyways

you weren't coherent
but i understood
you were once a man of dignity and character
served in the navy, corporal
awarded the purple heart after taking a blast to the head
you would want to thank me
for spending the time to listen to your life story
for caring

you turned to the next stranger on the sidewalk
and mumbled the only phrase you could
like a broken record
but i understood

i didn't tell you what was inside, even though you wouldn't hear me if i did
i wanted it to be a surprise
a fantasy you hadn't had yet
it might have been stone cold
but at least i wasn't anymore

What keeps you awake at night
Mathematical formulas which make wrong right
Do little planes flying above
Interrupt the little dreams you love

Are nooses plaid, are comforters warm
Do mass produced mattresses break the norm
Is your pillow made with feathers, can you answer the question why
Where, and tell me when, do old people die

In a house with no roof, I stare through ceilings glass
They keep out the rain so I can stare into the past
Every star is dead but I don’t keep corpses alone
Somewhere you’re awake too and I know we’re looking home

(Chorus)
Blue tape holds the crack
From falling apart through the back
Opaque handle
To a wooden cross candle
As spinning rooms concur
I think too much of her
So many thoughts clogging my head
Gotta clear them out with a canister of lead

Somewhere there is sanctuary I can rest at
Somewhere there is a rabbit inside a top hat
I know with a wave of the wand she will appear
Clad in the purest white and the crowd will feel no fear

Over my shoulder there is a map and a sign
The road leads two places, one less divine
I don’t know which I came, or where I’m going to
But I pray that on this road I’ll meet up with you

Over my shoulder spar the devil and the god
And I distance myself from both betrayers very odd
When the devil wins, he’ll come chasing after me
At no sanctuary can I rest; sleep is not to be

(Chorus)
Blue tape holds the crack
From falling apart through the back
Opaque handle
To a wooden cross candle
As spinning rooms concur
I think too much of her
So many thoughts clogging my head
Gotta clear them out with a canister of lead

So who is your devil and how far did he go
Did you let him leave a mark, do you let the marks show
Do you measure every man by the bruises and the kisses
When do you decide he’s worth it, after the hits or the misses

Do you sleep because you’re scared, do you sleep because you’re ready
Do you sleep at all, are earthquakes steady
When you break down is someone else holding the hammer
Do you confide in no one or do you confide in stammer

Faith is like a flame and your body is the wax
But the candle cross burns because wood pays less tax
Have you lost it all, is life now a game
When you dream of me do you see my face or hear my name

(Chorus)
Blue tape holds the crack
From falling apart through the back
Opaque handle
To a wooden cross candle
As spinning rooms concur
I think too much of her
So many thoughts clogging my head
Gotta clear them out with a canister of lead

In order to hold on are you addicted to escape
Can I be your drug; may I be your blue tape
My words are sincere when I say this is no cut and paste
I could always love you and my belt stays on my waist

You could banish demon, you could banish heaven and hell
You could hold my hand and I’d have no tales left to tell
Maybe if you guide me I could leave my road behind
Imagine if you’d guide me, imagine what we’d find

Old people never die; they simply sleep forever
Maybe we can sleep too, if we lie down together
And so is our star dead, but it can be seen far away
Night is for sleeping but it’s brighter than day