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 Apr 2013 Michael Valentine
hkr
most of all, i want to listen to your voice. anything you have to say. recite your grocery list, what you ate for breakfast. what’s your opinion on the weather? remind me about how you like the snow, but hate the cold. how you couldn’t fall asleep because the wind kept whistling through your broken window. tell me the story about how you broke that window again. again. again. how you hit that baseball too hard and it went soaring. tell me about that moment. the moment that it looked like that ball was flying. how’d you feel when it crashed? no, don’t tell me about that, i know it’ll make you think of the crash. how i crashed down on the concrete when we were walking that one night. i was barely conscious, so tell me about how you carried me a mile to my apartment. if you have to, tell me about why you left me there alone. how you’d asked me on the walk because we “needed to talk” and you had to do it that night, because she’d given you an ultimatum. don’t tell me about how you’d stayed with me that last month out of pity. or if you do, let those be the softest words you speak. softer than the things you whispered to me months ago. softer than the way you touched my cheek before you left me on that bed. tell me again how touching me made you sick those last few weeks and please assume that i felt the same. because every time i think of the truth, every time i think of how it wasn’t over for me, isn’t over for me...i love you. i can’t breathe. don’t let me speak. don’t let me speak. i only want to listen to the sound of your voice. keep talking. say anything. tell me all about her.
 Apr 2013 Michael Valentine
hkr
one day i’ll take you to the field
we won’t go together, i’ll take you there
because i’m not the type of girl to ever be “with” anyone

i’ll bring my boom box and wish it was from the 90’s
and i’ll find droopy flowers to play with
even though i know you think it’s stupid

you’ll pick through my cd collection
and i’ll pretend to be embarrassed when you find albums by the bands you hate
you’re supposed to think it’s endearing
you’ll pick country music
and i’ll pretend it’s a compromise
because i gave up awhile ago

in the dark i won’t see your ***** hair
and i won’t have to stare into your empty eyes
you’ll just **** me,
my back will grind into the grass,
and i’ll try to enjoy it
while you hold me close and wish i was Her.
 Apr 2013 Michael Valentine
hkr
i already regret
letting him go
because i already feel
alone and now
i get why
i'm only
lovely
when you're
lonely.
 Apr 2013 Michael Valentine
hkr
i’m 6
you’re tall like a “big kid”
i’m small, i fit in your lap
you like pokémon cards
[and the spice girls, that’s our secret]
last week you tried to runaway
you didn’t know where to go, came home
you should have gone
under the table

i’m 13
i have the coolest brother because
you work at an amusement park and
this roller coaster is fast
[your friends say your girlfriend is, too]
you aren’t mikey anymore but
not michael II either because
you’re purging daddy out
so you go by mike

i’m 17
i’m watching your band
again and
your phone keeps ringing
[she’s calling about mike’s baby]
i think i’ll pick it up, mikey
tell her you still like the spice girls

i’m 22
cleveland state?
it’s part of her deal
you’re stuck in ohio
[just like daddy]
but you’re getting out of columbus:
i gave you bus fare
under the table
Beds moaning in a give and take
some sort of car crash outside, morning’s roadkill
people choking on their breath during sleep.
I exhale words I do not mean to say then swallow them up again
          just battered croaking –

all these sounds spattered like a Victorian print.
I feel the air of another person whistling on my backside:
he will climb vines to get in my bed and eat me.

I hear night-noises, and that is what I think,
there are cannibals at the sill
big green tree-looking men who fit me whole in their stomach.
                My bedroom, like a cupboard
                         and me the same, we open without a key.

Across the street
there has to be a factory of some sort

where women are put into jars for jam and their skin’s the toast –
they get pregnant by ear. One hundred decibels
given by my father’s snoring moustache
and fifty for an ****** that causes leopard print sheets.

               Then, I am in a dream in which
   someone large holds me
closer than a criminal, but we just ballroom dance.

Then, I open those eyes again
                 and dogs bark in southern accents
                 and my house sweats from a nightmare
                 and the hour hands me sandbags
                 and wives finally get to pawn the rifle for thousands
                               but not before I hear a shot.
Can you see it like I can,
a boasting child,
a boating child,
an accident
she drowned.

Down,
the bubbles escape,
race like red toy cars
as blood blossoms out ears,
and pressure builds,
and fingers reach upwards
                                                         ­                                        pop
where small fingers are glassed with soapy water
and white and blue frosting.
scribbled over red lettering, "Happy Birthday Meredith."
And cards were presented with pasts and futures,
torn open like a shark attack
and ripping skin,
flapping back like dog ears, as he sticks his head out the window
and howls at the neighbors
for their loud music ways.

Silent crashing waves,
that boom death metal
and ride tidal curls
that bounce off her head.

As she writhes,
a red ribbon in her hair.
Hair of spun gold
like the sun
smothered by the moon.

Darkness eclipses.

And the last of the air is pushed
through her lungs
for light has drifted away,
torn like a suckling pig from its ****
and she is lost.
As her body floats away, pulled down.

Unclasped, she roams free.
groans, "Meeeee. Find mee...eeeee."
And eels slither from her jaw,
agape and brackish blue,
like pirate ship wine
sunken *** and treasure troves,
and streamline red.

Adding to a salty complexity
of tarnished speckled metal
like speckled eggs.
And brown eyes
bore out by hermit *****
that broke their shells after a gluttonous feast.

Unbuttoning her dress
a flower paisley sort of thing,
a useless scrap of sodden material,
for nothing matters,
as she thinks nothing can hold on to her
now and before.

She is aware,
but not really there, because you would miss her
like you did when she stood in the hall,
your eyes passed over,
and so stayed her silent screams.

So she left our world,
or rather hovered and watched
as much as she could without eyes.
She watched you,
and felt nothing over your cries
because she feels nothing
Now.
Didn't think while I wrote, just wrote. Inspired by Dave Gledhill's poems. Skipping stones across a lake is what I felt like.
© copy right protected
I had a dream
They were dragging the river
Flashing lights everywhere
And I'm not saying
I know how your car got there
Upside down
Full of muddy water
And floating soccer *****
Likely that *******
Just up and died on you
I'd have quit you too
If I had any sense
Would have been better that way
Trust me
But all I'm saying is
The Kaskaskia's claimed you now
Let that cold
Murky water
Rush through your hair
Sing you to sleep
Instead of me
Trust me, it's better
I don't get a hold of you
It's much better this way
And maybe they'll find you in the morning
But maybe they won't
All I'm saying is
I know you can't swim
And I know they're dragging the river
Candy cigarettes
And cowgirl boots
She plays banjo
With a scowl
And small hands like lightning
Dying to touch
Those curves swinging by
Her eyes light up
Dim under the weight of church lights
And expectations
"I can't be the way you made me"
"I'll be outside."
(Smoking)
Candy cigarettes
Her only joy in life
She's beautiful.
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