I dreamt of drinking whiskey
first sip
favorite brand
dry for a year
now wet again
felt the weight of the glass in my hand
heard the ice tink against the sides
as it sloshed around in warm amber glow
held it under my nose and
inhaaaaaled
noseful of vapor burn
so wonderful
so familiar
comforting as a favorite old t-shirt
woodsmoke and caramel and corn
county fair
harvest festival
excited heart racing
time to do it
break the seal
break the spell
I cast on these lips last Witches' Night
ember sparks the tip of my tounge
and fire spreads down
my throat
and out
to my limbs
and through
my whole being
dopamine rush of
ohmyfuckinggods
and I know this is the single greatest thing
I have ever put in my mouth
and I know I was born to do this
and I wake up
thirsty

Let me in
Let me inside
I need to get inside of you
It hurts so much out here
Feels too much out here
Outside of you
Inside of myself
All by myself
Everything would be okay again
And I would know my place again
If you would just let me in
Let me inside of you
Let me sleep inside of you
Let me dream inside of you
Let me lose myself
And find myself
And remake myself inside of you
Where everything is warm
And everything is Love
Where all I am is gone
And all we are is one
Where everything began
And all my futures end
Where all that's broken now
Does our motion gently mend
Where we are all we need
And nothing matters more
Where all I have I give to you
And whispered wishes roar
It's not too late
Please seal my fate
My doom in you
Don't hesitate
Just let me in
Invite me in
To live and die
And forever abide
Inside
Inside

Early Spring snowfall
dusts late Winter bloom
crystalline fractals piling gently
all around
to rest upon vibrant petal
leaf
stem
and ground
The field now
a riot of pixelated color
struggling to be seen under
blank canvas tarp of
Winter's last throes
Portrait of Nature's perfect balance
Yin meeting Yang
flowing together
each becoming the other
flower melts snow into water flowing into flower
demonstration of Tao
in this limbo-time between the seasons
that is no longer Winter
and not yet Spring
when the Universe gives lessons
to remind us that
there is no such thing as
"impossible"

I love this song
but I want it to leave my brain
Go away!
Get the **** out!
Leave me in peace!
Be quiet!
For ****'s sake
I have something I need to say
but I can't say it
with this song in the way
The same fifty words
the same catchy beat
over and over
looping through my mind on an
endless rotation
I'm feeling something slightly
complicated
that I need to express
to try and get out of me
but I can't find the words
beyond the lyrical wall blocking my path
And even if I could
even if I knew the words
I couldn't lay them out
couldn't string them together
couldn't find the flow or the rhythm
because all I can feel is the beat
that someone else created
pounding in my head
I'm infected
and I need to get clean
Someone else's art is interrupting mine
and I need to banish it
to wherever lost art goes
so that I can find myself again
hear myself again
so that the voice echoing through my mind
will be mine again

the air touching my skin was noticeably warmer this week
and today is the First of March
and people are beginning to talk about Daylight Savings Time
and there's that familiar excitement in my chest again
the Spring butterflies returning to my stomach
every time I smell the electric ozone scent of
growth
energy
power
life
carried in the warm, wet breeze blowing from the west
it's the chill down my spine
and the recurring gooseflesh
anxiously awaiting all the unknown
possibilities
opportunities
drifting in on the wind
every day it seems the Sun changes color a little more
shading from the hazy white-blue hue of Winter
toward the bright hot yellow-orange fireball of Summer
and I swear I can taste that color shift with my skin
licking it up
cat bath of photons
drinking it down
sunlight pouring straight into me as
endorphin
serotonin
dopamine
adrenaline
altering my basic chemical makeup
transforming
regrowing
my Self
coming back to life
waking the **** up
waking the world up
I can feel it
I know it's time to move again
time to run again
time to drift again
time to dance again
time to **** again
time to kiss again
time to drink again
time to feel again
feel these things again
feel awake and excited and anxious and nervous and alive again
I can feel all of it beginning right now
with every new sensation when I step outside
I feel the familiar twitch of that little seed growing in the center of me
stronger each day
getting ready to burst

It's so easy to step on the wrong word
hit a bad verbal note
an off-key phrase
and bring the whole delicate dance to a screeching halt
Why can't we each just understand the other's meaning?
After all these years
you'd think we'd know each other well enough by now
to understand the intent behind the words
that fall limply from our mouths
to thud at our feet
It shouldn't be so easy to hurt each other
accidentally
trod on a vulnerable heart with ill-prepared words
and misguided affections
The sentiment should speak for itself
the care-for-ness that guides our every action
shouldn't need to be stated explicitly anymore
should it?
We know how we feel
about each other
So why is it still so easy to fall to the same conclusions
that paint ourselves as victims
each to the other's phantomed cruel intent?
We should know better by now
Will we ever be able to truly learn this lesson?
Or are we doomed by the very fact of our dancing
through this life together
to step on each other's toes once in a while?

I guess it doesn't really matter
so long as we keep dancing
it's worth the
bruised toes
bruised egos
battered hearts
and all
Just hold on
hold close
don't look down
and don't stop
don't stop
don't ever stop

I wanted to write a poem today
about that frustrating feeling
when Life intrudes on Art
that sensation of being stuck
pinned between
Wants
and Needs
I need to express myself
but I want to make money
so I can eat
and watch TV
I wanted to write that poem
today
but I was too busy