Perspective is a vexing beast,
With a million eyes, and none.
When nights were long, and wills were weak,
My Hope, My Songs, forever gone;

Perspective was blind, curled in my lap,
Abyss cradled my heart;
A sweet embrace, that makes no promise,
It offered only Dark.

A peace so deep,
Asleep like Death,
Ambition was amiss;
The struggle on,
The bleeding one,
A bitter, rending Kiss.

Something strange did happen then,
Forms gained focus, Children of Men,
From among the hoards,
Ignoring Billboards,
I saw love and loss in all Men's Eyes.

And then i knew my Rite was through,
For we all suffer the same;
Strength is found in Adversity's wake,
My will no longer lame.

I have attained an enlightenment that is not bound to me by the things i have accrued and paid for.
I have attained a Love for all Men that is no Ballast to be dropped, so that i may rise up.
I have made Stoic my Heart, and will not so easily be darkened again.

Feeding the Shards of my Soul,
To the Fire that is Life;
Piece by piece becoming whole,
To rise above my Strife.

I'm an investor, and a Fool.
I didn't just lose faith in your love, for I devoted a part of myself to loving you.
I fear this part of me is lost forever,
doomed to always wonder why being everything i could be, was not enough for you.

Instead in my absence, you lusted for others, and decided that what once was golden;
could never be so again.
If only you'd given me a chance! but hindsight only makes the ache worse.
I have infinite patience, but once faith is broken, it cannot be restored.
The instant i looked in your eyes, i knew you'd given up on me.
I honestly tried to make it easy on your conscience, but i never knew that by trying to do so,
I destroyed my own.

I made bitter, what once was understanding,
and I find myself walking the same road, searching for faith,
I've lost too much already, maybe it's time for a Long Walk.

There was a time when idolized the tortured artist.
I now realise that there is a price that must be paid for this new insight into my soul.

I'm no longer equipped with the tools to look after myself.
I'm no longer functional.
I watch my mental health deteriorate, and these pills are yet to work.
Just keep taking the pills, just keep taking the pills.

Hour 85 of my most recent waking period, and my Brain shows no signs of tiring.
I would give my life to be happy.
I would gladly forfeit my consciousness if it would buy your sanity.

Memories repressed, clawing at the curtains.
I won't let them in.

Stop talking to myself, please stop talking to myself.
I only talk to myself because there is no one else.
I feel like it is too painful and awkward a process to say;
"I'm sad and lonely, can we hang out and pretend like i'm normal?"

If only i were honest with myself.
If only i could forgive myself.
If only these pills would fix my broken mind.

I wish i could travel in time, i would have myself live life to the full,
Before the cumulative pain and regret rob me of my sanity.
Watching my mental health deteriorate as surely as hair grows and dawn fades.

I'm ready.

When reading through previous works, it is obvious from the number of times i refer to myself, that i am selfish. I'm sorry for seeing things so one dimensionally. I wish you health, and a long fulfilling life, filled with Joy and Love.

Most of all, if you read this, i just want you to know that i'm sorry for everything.

I wish you all the happiness and luck in the world. God knows, and so do i, that you deserve it.
Yours,
One who will regret no more.

I could explain to you the exact process by which my Brain craves something more,
It begs for Dopamine, Seratonin and other such delicious chemicals,
It gives me sunshine, when the rain pours through the crack in my window,
I gives me happiness, when my psyche wanders to it's bad old ways.

Is there more to life than the things we perceive with our primitive organs?
I'm not so sure.
So i fill my bloodstream with these potions that make me see beautiful things,
So i fill my lungs with the acrid taste of fantasy,
So i fill my veins with hope, and dreams of when i was happy,
So i fill my head with the notion that i can stop whenever i want,
And deprive my Brain of this reality, in the hope it will give me something more appealing.

A wise man once said, that only a life lived for others is worth living,
And so i find myself worthless, bathed in glorious hedonism,
Alone in my palace of dreams.

I'm so lonely, a self-inflicted exile,
i have so many acquaintances,
though long gone are the days when i would strive to be better,
strive for friendship.

Time has passed so slowly, and yet it feels like just yesterday,
I could analyze why i'm like this for days,
But i already know the conclusion i would reach,
There's a conspicuous absence of you,
I can try to fill this void with friends, *** and lies,
but i am not sated.

I look on as i watch myself walking towards desolation,
Neglecting those things in life that would normally be so necessary,
Forgetting is a skill i am yet to learn,
And this void seems only to grow.

I'll be honest with you, I function from day to day,
But in those moments when there's no distraction, and only memories to fill the time,
We're sitting in front of your tv with a cup of tea,
You're at my side as i hide my pain and shame, broken, but pretending to be strong,
All for you.

I know i will walk this dangerous path until i find closure,
Something that isn't you ignoring my existence,
Don't you realise that there will come a day,
When you and i will meet again, in some inconvenient circumstance,
You may run the other way, again,
But i wonder what you will think when you look in my eyes,
And see that there is no passion left in me,
No lust for life.

For why should i strive, if my reward is this?

I looked into Pandora's box, and guess what, i didn't like what i saw.
I saw someone i care about, reeling, and throwing herself into the arms of men who care for nothing but ***.
You never said what you wanted to say to me, and you still don't, Confusion turns to Anger and now my name is the dirt you walk on. Have you no idea, that the worst thing that could happen to my soul right now, would be for you to say "i've changed my mind".

I feel happy again, i still miss you, and i know i'll never have a love like yours. So why try reclaim the past? why should i stitch myself back together to be torn apart once more?

You wasted your time on me eh? that's nice, what a lovely thing to say,
I hope one day you find someone you wont omit those most important truths from,
Someone like me, but not me.

The Chapter is written, I will always love you.
But it is a dead love, and knows no resurrection or solace,
Closure is what we both need, I don't like seeing **** take advantage of the emotionally vulnerable, especially not one i value so much, my friend who doesn't talk.
My love who doesn't love me.

Remember who you are, because i can't do it for you.