I have always been a big girl

A “strong build” girl

A “fluffy” girl

And nothing’s wrong with that.

Right?

Wrong. There’s always something

Wrong. From my hair down to my toes.

So I take control,

Try to take control

But it ends up controlling me

Yanking me down into the

Depths of I’m so fat and

Are you sure you want to eat that?

I hide it,

Hide it good

But it’s too heavy for me now

Some don’t understand,

Won’t try to see how it’s not my fault

Won’t forgive me when I beg for

Forgiveness

Won’t believe me when I say I

Won’t do it again

Refuses to have faith in me,

To believe me

Just to feel sorry for me

Like they can say I’m bad

Or lose on self- control

And beg me to promise against suicide

When they have a plan broiling in their mind

I’ve tried and I’ve failed

Over and over

But for you I still try

As you turn your back

And avert your eyes

I try

But it wins

And I make my way towards the looming door

To return an ounce lighter

Thinner

It wins

And I sink to the floor

Cold, alone

Trying to tell myself I am beautiful

Yet deep down I know I’m not

I've read what you've written
Listened and listened with ears perked
Tried not to give too much advice
Because who listens to that
Anyway

I ******* up so many, many times
As a father, as a friend, as a lover
But thats what humans do
Trying so hard to do the right thing, ohhhh hindsight
Yes

You are so adorable in all your phases
From the moment your tiny bodies were in my arms
To the last time I hugged you.....so grown up
Worries, concerns, hopes, fears, triumphs, failures
Love

Reading your poems brought tears and smiles
Inspired me who once also wrote
Words and pages lost forever
Rhymes and seasons long forgotten, frail paper gone
Dust

You make me proud just by Being
Never mind what you become or not
Beautiful hearts with mine joined
I am you, you are I, together we are
Forever

Don’ t tell me how to feel

because neither one of us are in charge

of my heart

or it’s rationale.


There’s no bigger dictator

than the one that’s inside of me.


When it pulls the strings,

and calls the shots,

my body pulls forward

with this boulder of emotion

and my shoulders start caving

as I start to drag my feet.


When the whistle blows

I roll my eyes,

at this foolish ruler…


A small ***** that dreams big.


Who does it think it is?


When will it learn?


And when will it stop making me


do it’s ***** work?

The sky looks pretty about this pity little city.
God bless us! And them! Oh, and him too!
What is one to do with all this to do?
I guess I'll proof steadfast in my battle on persistency,
and cast and reel in hope to catch a bit of hope,
and hope that karma and negative consequences are not the consequence.
But, until I feel the tug I'll desperately search to quench my thirst,
and ponder about* all of my thoughts and all of your words.


*About, as used in context- around: or throughout.

Peace? and to all the world? sure, One
And He the Prince of Peace, hath none.
He travels to be born, and then
Is born to travel more again.
Poor Galilee! thou canst not be
The place for His nativity.
His restless mother’s called away,
And not delivered till she pay.

A tax? ’tis so still! we can see
The church thrive in her misery;
And like her Head at Bethlem, rise
When she, oppressed with troubles, lies.
Rise? should all fall, we cannot be
In more extremities than He.
Great Type of passions! come what will,
Thy grief exceeds all copies still.
Thou cam’st from heaven to earth, that we
Might go from earth to heaven with Thee.
And though Thou foundest no welcome here,
Thou didst provide us mansions there.
A stable was Thy court, and when
Men turned to beasts, beasts would be men.
They were Thy courtiers, others none;
And their poor manger was Thy throne.
No swaddling silks Thy limbs did fold,
Though Thou couldst turn Thy rays to gold.
No rockers waited on Thy birth,
No cradles stirred, nor songs of mirth;
But her chaste lap and sacred breast
Which lodged Thee first did give Thee rest.

But stay: what light is that doth stream,
And drop here in a gilded beam?
It is Thy star runs page, and brings
Thy tributary Eastern kings.
Lord! grant some light to us, that we
May with them find the way to Thee.
Behold what mists eclipse the day:
How dark it is! shed down one ray
To guide us out of this sad night,
And say once more, “Let there be light.”