Emotions arise for others
Yet you still wander through my mind
At once, I called it obsession
But now I doubt the word
As I struggle with what I feel
I see you in her at once
Memories flood to the surface
And she confuses me even more

Am I so desperate for you that I do this
Can you project your love on others
Which leads me yet to more struggles
Since the word love sounds foolish

I still dream of you at times
And it still sickens me to a point
That feeling of happiness you bring
Wakes me with my whole body in knots
To think that I missed my chance
Do I use others as restarts
Or is it a natural thing to want you
As maybe, just a piece of her

'You should inspire yourself'
Said a councilor at one time
'Inside you will find what you need'
And clearly he said the right lines
Finding myself empty was harsh
And it woke me from my sleep
And instead you all filled me in
Your hopes are now my dreams

Because I don't live for myself
And I don't think that I will
I'm just not a worthy cause
And I won't bother to heal
'You should follow your heart'
But what does that even mean
I've written my future off
And your wish is my command

To say what you want me to
Or do what you'd ask of me
As long as I'm of some use
I permit you to use me
If you should deem me worthy
My servitude becomes a drug
My function is inspiration
Your master-ship shows love

I may be on hands and knees
But it's for the pursuit of heart
I simply follow your leadership
I state that it guides my soul
By now I find that I'm wrong
But I'm just too afraid
If I seek out a better purpose
Then your love is betrayed

I live inside of a life where I hide emotions
Inside of some dumb metaphors I can't finish
Because people react better when I write out
'I used my arms as another canvas'
Yet double takes result from 'I used to cut myself'
Clearly I'm still just an emo teen
A stereotypical kid who needs to find meaning
My sadness is pretentious and unwarranted
While my anger just makes me hateful
Because that feeling you deserve more than you have
Or that loneliness you feel during quiet times
It's all absurd when you're just a kid
You clearly can't be feeling all of this
They tell me to just ******* relax
I guess I could try to flip the switch
But light won't come on when it's not attached
Depression isn't just getting lost in the woods
And anxiety isn't just being shy
I just wish everyone'd lower their expectations
Of what I can accomplish over night
You act as if I'm proud I hurt myself to cope
Or that I ward off friendship to avoid emotion
And yes, I'm really beginning to rant
But frustration is really setting in
I'm getting sick of song lyrics understanding me
Even more than my own ******* friends
And while I don't really mean to curse
Politeness never gets my stupid point across
My voice, opinion, and feelings don't matter
And I wonder why I even wrote this at all