To say what I want to say
And not sound sad, or crazed
I'd seem for sure suicidal
It's an issue that leaves me misplaced
How can I say how much I hate
And the little I love
Without trying to say that the
World that I know holds such disdain
I can say at least, I'm content
I  miss the blisters though
And the rips and sores
I was kept healthy by a body that
I had created war torn
It was no cry for help
All it was, was for me
It was just releasing what I felt

But yet it made me live in fear
Not of me, or myself
But for the stigma it made
And the offers of help
The grief in the family and
The friends who couldn't bear it
They all made me embarrassed
And I felt so weak in return
How could I contract a disease
This disease of the meek
I couldn't bare my arms so
Sleeves became my brothers
Then the breakdowns came
Once scars were seen by others
And then the collapse was complete
Disaster from problem from nothing

I was forced off of it
By claims I was addicted
Like a razor blade was a drug
And there were reasons that I needed it
And I get your point of view
But you won't ever know mine
'Cause nobody our age ever
Did this in the older times
Like **** man, it's such a shame
Your buddy there cut himself, yet again
And I've been waiting for the okay
That I know I'll never get
'Cause it's off the table
To exchange pain for pain
But maybe here's some pills
C'mon, kid, they could make you change

'Cause it's a chemical imbalance
And we've discovered a fix
So just get your fix
With a swallow and a twist
Never mind the bands that help you
Or the poems that know you
This isn't how God had made you
So clearly the devil sought you out
And I know you won't **** yourself but
It helps if I think that way
So it's a compulsion, not a want
It's just something I won't allow
I'd be disappointed if you sliced again
This isn't why the body was meant
Tell me what we need to mend
I'll pull you off my designated ledge

I'm not imagining things, I swear
Look darling, you're off the deep end here
But wait, what could you do
I decided to stop and I did it all for you
If I picked up again
You'd say all the same old things
But you can't really stop me
Or at least, I believe
Sacrifice my frame of mind
Just for everyone else
I'm so sick and tired though
Of you questioning mental health
You could sit back and accept it
For whatever it's become
'Cause I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem

Not quite eighteen so time's still a lot
But not quite sure how I'll use it
Should I spend what I have as I keep going
Or take from the past and put it forward
I think too much and maybe
I laugh too little but
Time has told me to plan ahead
Several months have aged me beyond what I was
Seeing things now for what they are
Instead of what I want

As I sit down to think
I slowly close my eyes
To feel it flow openly
It's been a little while
But it hasn't been easy
I'm going out of my mind
It was so good for my body
To let the air ******* blood
So why count the days since
I can't use angry thoughts
They can't help me abstain
From making dark red blots

Pills and drinks don't mix
Knives are just a problem
Doctors want a quick fix
But life's already awful
Self help clinics
With aggravating offers
But I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem

To me this is normal
So what's with all the drama
Can't you let me do this
Stop forcing help like cough drops
Medicine's no answer
It's simply not a sickness
Scars will just scab over
Are your glasses so tinted
Let me deal with myself
And you go do your own stuff
Stop playing with my health
I mean, I'm still alive

Pills and drinks don't mix
Knives are just a problem
Doctors want a quick fix
But life's already awful
Self help clinics
With aggravating offers
But I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem

Not a mental condition
It's not what you're thinking
No mental remission
Just a lack of a feeling
I simply don't care
For friends that are leaving
I don't even need them
Just less reason for me to bleed
A global indifference
That's not new to me
It causes no problems
But I can't seem to dream

Pills and drinks don't mix
Knives are just a problem
Doctors want a quick fix
But life's already awful
Self help clinics
With aggravating offers
But I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem

Some days, I know who I am
And I know what I see
When I could feel the table
And then I know what is real
But it's gone in a flash
I become a parallel
There's an identity intact
But of who, I just can't tell
Because it's just not me
I become someone else
Sadness becomes anger
And I lose all control
Do you know what it's like
To create your own hell

But it's almost something else
To feel such emotion
To forgo all your senses
And just lose all yourself
For a moment, you're engrossed
You can hear it like a sound
You can watch it as it grows
To harness something real
But could you control it
And prevent from lashing out
Or would you struggle
And simply just explode
Emotions are a force
But would your grip truly hold