I struggle to breathe feels like I’m suffocating,
It hurts again and there is no placating,
A bleeding heart and blurry eyes,
I fall to my knees and call out to the skies,
Take it away take it all I don’t care,
Take me away and just strip me bare.

I don’t want you to **** me don’t even kiss me,
All I want is for you to know, for you to see,
I’m not as unbreakable as I pretend to be,
I stumble and fumble and struggle to disagree,
C'est la vie, la vie…

I just can’t control the Surging feelings deep down,
Just sitting alone in the darkness I drown.
Just turn it off like flicking a switch,
Not sure where to turn, which way is which.
I’m so angry and hurt I don’t know what to do,
I’m angry and hurt because I can’t be with you.

It’s my own stupid fault my own foolish mistake,
And now all that’s left of me is a dull pulsing ache.
There’s not much more of me left now to break,
The make-up runs, it peels and begins to flake.
The curtain goes back up and I begin to shiver and quake,
I’d prayed it was over for my own selfish sake.

It’s like someone punched a hole in my chest,
Like taking a bullet straight through the vest.
As much as it hurts I don’t want to forget,
Because as hard as it is on you I’d still bet.
This hole in my chest is all that I’ve got,
To be sure that your smile I never forgot.

Written by: M.K. Dobison

As daylight kisses the morning dew,
I lie in bed and think of you.
The things you said they made me smile,
While in my heart I cried a while.
Your lips so soft and eyes so deep,
The things we had we could not keep.

Like all in life it took me time,
To come to terms that you were not mine.
The evening breeze now filled the night,
As I tried to let go with all of my might.
Where you once were now empty space,
As mixed emotions danced across my face.

That night I sat alone and cold,
Wishing for your tender hold,
A broken heart only hours old.

The stars came out a moon graced sky,
Again I ask the question why.
The ebb and flow of passers-by,
Life and death the live to die.
The way we move to satisfy the need,
To grow a tree you must plant the seed.

Like hand to glove and foot to shoe,
That's how I felt about me and you.
But now as I lay and think it through,
I realized that you faked this too.
To serve your need is the game you played,
And now I'm glad that you had strayed.

Anger brings about my end,
The way I live I will defend.
To do and say the things I feel,
That's the way, my life is real.

They do not listen and hear even less,
The way they work it seems a mess.
They rush and hurry and take no time,
To sit and hear the view that's mine.

I lay in waiting, patience in hand,
Me, Myself alone I stand.
To speak my mind will hurt and ****,
Speak my mind in time I will.

But Still I wait with baited breath,
To hold my own for life or death.
My Time will come to speak my mind,
And till that point a way I will find.

With Tarnished heart and clouded soul,
Anger the fuel to achieve my goal.
Like hunting cat I stalk my prey,
Watch them weaken day by day.

Senses tuned the time has come,
Now don't you go do something dumb.
My sight is clear, vision blurred,
My mind at war split in two like whey and curd.

I falter back stall my advance,
The time has passed I missed my chance.
Why did you wait a fool’s errand I gave,
To Anger now I am his slave.

I toile in the shadow of how it used to be,
Doing his ***** work for the eternal world to see.
He holds the reins and pushes on,
I cannot seem to find - the good is gone.

I sleep each night with a tear in my eye,
In the back of my head I wish I could just die.
I want it to change I really wish it would,
I want it to change if I try I'm sure I could?

I can't break his grip he holds me so tight,
I know I have tried with all of my might.
He puts me in a corner for the world to shun,
For all of the bad that he has done.

A part of me as I am of him,
The future for us looks rather grim.
I need to stand up for what I believe,
But always it seems he has an ace up his sleeve.

The rain beats down but numbs no pain,
And on my soul a growing stain.
Relinquish my life to time and its will,
Just popping them in - pill after pill.
The night grows late the rain on my face,
It still feels so bad I wish these pills would erase.

Again and again one at a time I feel no shame,
The worst is that I am the only one to blame.
I want it to stop,
To my knees I drop.
Tears start to roll like rain on the window,
With passing time I retreat to my shadow.

The voices have stopped and the silence is blind,
I close my eyes and hide in my mind.
The pain still so sharp,
Why won’t it stop…
Becoming a part,
Why won’t it stop...
The void gets bigger ******* me in,
I do not struggle I am letting it win.

Alone in the dark I sit and I cry,
I want to let go I try and I try.
They said that they needed me,
But how can that be?
They know not me,
There will be no we.

*I

I see your eyes so dull and plain,
I feel your heart in so much pain.
They knocked you down and hurt you bad,
To see you this way it makes me sad.
The ruthless anger and soul untrusting,
Friendship denied and relationship rusting.

The distance between the roads walked alone,
Cold and bitter apart you have grown.
The anger devours all the good deep inside,
The chasm you face grows deep as is wide.
The walls that you build protect well indeed,
But the anger still grows and thrives, it’s a ****.

You try to move on but to hatred you're chained,
To continue like this a lot more is lost than will ever be gained.
The love of a friend you might push away,
The cool breeze on a warm summer’s day.

The hate scared you deep and the darkness is vast,
But you need to move on and not dwell on the past.
Your path I will share and your hand I will take,
So from my heart to yours a pledge I will make.
To empower and hold to help and to guide,
A friend you have here right by your side.

I'm fighting love and running scared,
All my norms’ and boundaries dared.
I want to hold, and care and embrace with a kiss,
But right now it’s no Hit and more Miss.
It’s been a long time and I'm finding my feet,
I want to dance and sing, I'm loving the beat.

Some say it’s easy and Some says it’s hard,
And some says it’s as cliché as a Seasons Greetings Card.
Some tell you go and Some tell you stop,
And some egg you on like a Rider and Crop.
I'm not sure and I feel a little lost,
But practice makes perfect no matter the cost.

I may still need some time to fully explore,
All of the things and people I adore.
But I'm opening my heart to patience and love,
Hoping you’ll find it fits like a glove.

It is quite conclusive that I'm ready to change,
But that doesn't mean I don’t feel a bit Strange.
He Was, Is and Always will Be,
A bigger Part of the life of me.
I will never forget the way that I felt,
But it’s time to move forward with the cards I've been dealt.

I threw it all away like smoke through my fingers,
Scattering my dreams self-sabotage – it figures.
I've lost the passion and I'm running on fumes,
You’re okay it will be fine – everyone just presumes.
Working Hard and Sleeping light,
Starting from scratch now that’s my fight.

I'm all out of love, fervour and conviction,
Wondering if the efforts are worth the reward.
Moving through space and time with little direction,
And sometimes not being able to tell back from forward.
Losing hope embraced by Fears,
I'm complacent and waiting for something exciting.
Looking out and holding back the tears,
Emotionless void never abating.

I heard them say you can fix a mirror if it broke,
But you’ll still see the crack in my reflection.
Days and joys past I cannot evoke,
A broken compass offers no direction.
I can feel the hate growing inside.
Filling the void left by the ebbing tide.

Starting from scratch now that’s my fight,
Working Harder and Sleeping light.
You’re okay, it will be fine – that’s what I assume,
I've lost the passion and can’t keep running on fumes.
Searching my dreams self-sabotage – it figures,
I’d thrown it all away like smoke through my fingers.

My broken soul like shattered glass,
The Sharp and Stabbing emotions won’t pass.
You can see it in my eyes I'm Dead on the inside,
No Love, No Lust, not Even Envy or Pride.
I tried…

So tired, so broken never to change,
Cold and Careless spreading like mange.
Dark, Black diseased is my heart,
And your responsible for this in no small part.

It was always about you even when you said it was false,
The highs the lows but still a killers steady pulse.
But actually it was never your choice to live life through me,
Now all you've done is **** the child inside who was so full of glee.
The caged Bird died… not free…

Are you pleased with yourself and are you Happy inside,
It hurt like hell you selfish ***** so much so I've not even cried.
I'm angry as sin and I want no part of it any more,
I'm not interested to know what happens behind that closed door.
It’s not my place to beg and to plead,
But it’s about time the warnings you heed.

I know it was not meant what you did and you said,
But now the sleepless nights meet me in bed.
The sun doesn't shine and there’s no silver lining,
The water is cold and so uninviting.
No warmth on my skin I've died deep down,
The water is cold and I'm ready to drown.

I've crashed and I've burnt and I've become a worthless mess,
I'm twitchy and nervous in perpetual distress.
I've got no direction and I don’t really care,
I've run out of love and I don’t want to share.

I tried…
No Love, No Lust, not Even Envy or Pride,
You can see it in my eyes I'm Dead on the inside.
The Sharp and Stabbing emotions won’t pass,
My broken soul like shattered glass.

I don't want to let go,
I'm not sure that I can.
I don't want to let go,
I'm not that kind of man.
I don't want to let go,
I wish there was time.
I don't want to let go,
I wish you were mine.

Lost in the space of uncharted love,
Lost in the stars that float up above.
Lost in your eyes with no aim or direction,
Lost in your smile I've shown no discretion.

I have never let go of the way that I felt,
But that time has come the cards have been dealt.
I feel so alone but you're not to blame,
I never hated the players I hated the game.
I hid who I was, who I am and would've been,
Hoping my love for you would be seen.

The pain is old and may have dulled,
But the void you left remains unfulfilled.
I want it gone but I don't want to let go,
There is still so much more I wanted to know.
Like why's it so hard and how long will it last,
The time we had just seemed to go by so fast.

It's not like I need you but I want you so bad,
Even just two more minutes which is really quite sad.
I don't know what you did or why to you I am still bound,
And the answer I need remains to be found.
My war rages untamed the front lines push on,
The advantage I thought I had is now gone.
The fronts are divided the head and the heart,
And the love that I felt is tearing me apart.

Lost in your smile I've shown no discretion,
Lost in your eyes with no aim or direction.
Lost in the stars that float up above,
Lost in the space of uncharted love.

I don't want to let go,
I wish you were mine.
I don't want to let go,
I wish there was time.
I don't want to let go,
I'm not that kind of man.
I don't want to let go,
I'm not sure that I can.

What is worse than blindness is to have perfect sight but no vision. We have enough people who tell it like it is now we could do with a few who tell it like it can be, and whether you say “I can” or “I can’t” you are always right.

Just think if second thoughts came before first thoughts, how much wiser we would be. The only thing is that we don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

There is nothing good or bad, thinking makes it so and well done is always better than well said. Where words fail music speaks. Hearing tells you that the music is playing but only listening tells you what the song is saying.

People judge you by your actions not by your intentions. You may have a heart of gold but so does a hard-boiled egg. You can not build a reputation on what you are going to do. There are no short cuts to any place worth going and if hard work is the key to success then most people would rather pick the lock. Success is getting up one more time than you have fallen down.

A journey of a thousand miles must start with a single step, on that journey stay alert because what you know today may not apply tomorrow. You give but little when you give of your possessions it is when you give of your Self that you truly give, then the only way to have a friend is to be a friend.

If you were arrested for being kind would there be enough evidence to convict you? Expect miracles, you are one, but always have control over your emotions or they will have control over you.

The pessimist sees danger in every opportunity and the optimist sees opportunity in every danger, and the best compliment any one can ever give you is that you are different. Go confidently in the directions of your dreams and live the life you imagined just remember that happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have.

May my words be sweet and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them. Have a blast while you last and the truth behind it all is that you were born an original do not die a copy!

Compiled By : Michael-Kent Dobison

Another lost chance to find the light,
And I’m trying hard with all my might,
Not to lose my mind and all control,
A broken heart and torn soul.

I should’ve spoken my mind if I’d only known how,
I could’ve made it right but that’s all in hindsight now.
I would’ve give you my heart and asked for nothing in return,
And no all I have is nights when I watch my heart burn.

Just to hold you and feel you and know you were there,
To see you and hear you and let you know that I’d care.
I’d never have asked for more than you had,
I’d have cradled your head when you were sad,
I’d have weathered the storms the good with the bad,
I’d have walked in your shadow and I would’ve been glad,
Just to have you around me near me and with me,
That I’d walk The Mile if I knew it was you I’d see,
Waiting and smiling and looking my way,
I’d walk that Mile and ‘I Love You’ I’d say.

I was desperate and distant and by hope I was blinded,
And my want was too selfish and one sided, divided.
The fact is I’m broken, I’m torn, I’m falling apart,
The walls are high around this guarded heart.
I wanted you here but wouldn’t let you in,
Scared and lonely I hide behind the Joker’s grin.

A broken heart and torn soul,
Trying Not to lose my mind and all control.
And I’m trying hard with all my might,
Yet another lost chance to find my light.

Written by: M.K. Dobison

Mislabelled passion and faulted conviction,
It seemed like such an easy decision.
A flicker of hope and a hopeless addiction,
But the truth here is stranger than fiction.
Laid down flat I ironed out the wrinkles,
But now all I can feel is bizarre numbing prickles.
I said over and over that I’d never confess,
Although my lusting heart I had to address.

I don’t regret it, I love it, feeling free as a bird,
But the emptiness I feel is just absurd.
How is it possible to miss something so much,
So much of something you never had.
I used you to get me thought just like a crutch,
But learning to walk again ain’t so bad.

It never broke me that I will concede,
I’ll come back from the brink and I will succeed.
Letting go and learning how,
To love again and what to allow.
My attachment is fleeting the tide receded,
Figuring out what really preceded.

Even though you may never have known,
You were a big part of my life I had never shown.
But without you there I would never have grown,
I’d have lived life in a mottled tone.

I think what I’m trying to say is Thank You,
I owe you more than just what’s due.
You sculpted a boy into a man with a cause,
You offered help and friendship without even a pause.
You had no idea and it was probably for the best,
And I was waiting for East to meet West.

If I’m honest with myself calling it for what it be,
I would not be half the person I currently see.
So again, I say from the depths of my heart,
I’m blessed and Thank You in no small part.

Written by: M K Dobison

A creepy tickle on my skin,
A cold shiver up my spine.
Seven of them deadly – sin,
Wind whips past a candle lit shrine.

A darkness Grows and Envelops,
A numbing daze a disconnected expression.
No room inside as the Darkness Develops,
Clawing at the water sheer desperation.

You see it I feel it we live it together,
Plunge deeper the well of hopes and dreams.
Nature the Mother lest we never forget Her,
The struggles precipitous terror the screams.

I can’t help but feel I missed my chance.

The rolling hills of silent loneliness,
The pure white light of godliness.
The whispering stream of love to be,
The endless fields of joy and glee.
The night sky filled with lulling dreams,
The summer day is not all it seems.

The candle light of relaxation,
The Northern star that gives direction.
The winds of change whirl and blow,
The candles light a dimming glow.
The wind’s a gust the light goes out,
The heart of fear too scared to shout.

Alone in the dark I thought I would stay,
The heart the wind the summer’s day.
The tickle of a tear caresses my cheek,
I can no longer hear my inner voices speak.
But in the hills an echo of a whisper,
Why should I remain so bitter.

As time goes on so will I,
To live and learn and even cry.
With faith by my side I will take the leap,
I will no longer be the mindless sheep.

A summers day so warm on your skin,
An autumn eve the restful kin.
The winter’s night cold and forlorn,
The coming of spring like a rose and its thorn.
Seasons will change and time will not halt,
And this is in no part your fault.

I never honestly thought this day would ever come,
Or at least that I wouldn’t be privy to the rolling conundrum.
The eternal school of life couldn’t even begin to explain,
The highs and lows of so much unnecessary torment and blame.
In the aftermath of our own personalized brand or Armageddon,
We now sit and evaluate the accounts of what feels like yester-year.

We see that we have weathered the storm together.
Now we are closer, stronger, directed, Purposeful, collaboratively more creative.
Just all round happier the figurative dust has settled and the weight is lifted.

I guess what we should really be saying is – Thank You.
Thank you for teaching us, for pointing us in the right direction,
For the effort you inexorably exerted on yourself in selfishness,
Which ended up only creating Reason & Order out of Chaos & Discord.
Most of all – Thank You
For opening up a door,
That we never thought was there before!

As the days grow cooler now,
I start to face the question, How?
It’s been so long that I can’t hear your voice,
But as the day draws near I'm left with little choice.
To tell you now just how it was,
That you took my heart and then hit pause.

You never knew and I don’t blame you for that,
But in misdirected anger I still hissed and spat.
On that day - so late in November,
The sights the smells - your smile I still remember.
Merry and Jovial we relaxed by the pool,
The evening breeze welcomingly cool.
As the sun set and the sky filled with stars,
I started to feel like I was heading for Mars.
The feeling was alien overwhelming me so,
A feeling of love …
I couldn't let that show!
And I’d never let it go!
It tore at my heart and split me in two,
Surely this could not have been all because of you?

It’s closer now the time we’ll meet again,
I know it won’t be easy - a meeting of pain.
I have my plans and I'm sure you have yours,
But I'm not going to force open those doors.
I’ll tell you my truth on the hold that you had,
It was not a craze or in passing a Fad.
It was what it was but I want to move on,
But that’s now not to say that I want you gone.
Understanding and Acceptance is part of us all,
It’s just how you cradle the rise and the fall.

It was never your fault it was me through and through,
I should have just come out and said it to you.
I loved him then and would have given my all,
But time and again I stood up just to fall.

I’ll never forget you I don’t think that I could,
But moving on is something I should.
I'm not looking for feet sweeping kisses and a lifetime together,
I just want you to know my life isn't over.

An empty space so deep inside,
A hollow that I will no longer hide.
I am not weak just easily swayed,
A prime target on which to be preyed.
But all will change and of this I am sure,
Pain and torment I will no longer endure.

Evolution is key to survive in this place,
And evolve I will in pride and in grace.
The person I've hidden for so long in the dark,
About to burst free my word you can mark.
The smiles that show and the hand I extend,
Will be true and will stand my long lasting friend.

A novel creation and a unique direction,
I have no doubt it will cause greater friction.
No point in living if you don't feel alive,
So from this point for life I will strive.
A genesis of sort a new beginning unfolds,
Now its time to see what my future holds.

It will not be easy I never said that it would,
Nor am I the fool that thinks that it should.
I don't owe you a reason, conclusion or theory,
All I know is that it's time to do this for me.
I'm not sure where I'll go or what I'll become,
But this is my choice what's done is now done.

I touch your skin and it warms my heart,
I caress your lips and see them part.
I hear your laugh and my knees go weak,
You hold me tight and I just listen to you speak.
I watch you sleep and feel you there,
You gave me your all but I was happy to share.

I woke with a smile but it soon changed to tears,
When I realise my deepest and greatest desires and fears.
No one was there and reality came into the light,
I tried to convince myself to continue the fight.
But I cowered in the corner clutching my chest,
Is this what I have to look forward to, was this really the best?

The days pass by me feeling empty and cold,
I don’t even cry anymore at the stories they told.
The sun is high, bright in the blue sky,
And every so often a tear still escapes my eye.
When I remember the feelings I had that night,
I still have to clutch at my chest and hide out of sight.

I cry alone in the dark it’s better that way,
There is obviously still a Piper to Pay.
Forlorn in the dark I hold onto that dream,
The sun, the field, the flowers the stream.
The light on your face and the smell on the air,
It’s still more than I would ever dare.

Written by: M.K. Dobison

If only you knew how much it hurt,
Lying here face down in the dirt.
Unable to move or breathe or cry,
And barely even able to die.
I've often asked why did it happen to me,
But clear as day the 'why' I can now see.

I allowed it to happen and for you to take hold,
I allowed it all and now I feel cold.
Chilled to my core and my fire extinguished,
The lust for life I have now relinquished.
No sparkle no lust no need to go on,
And no charming thoughts since you've been gone.
I don't want your pity and I don't want your shame,
I just want you to stop this silly little game.

I can't open my mouth but I want you to know,
No matter the cost I must go on with the show.
The final curtain call my last night on stage,
The choice is made I'm no longer your Page.
It is going to be hard to do what is right,
But I am going to try with every ounce of my might.

Every day is a fight a head full of strife,
Every day is a fight and a waste of a life.
Every day is a fight the war's just begun,
Every day is a fight now that the fat-lady's sung.

While I sit and stare at Summer Days,
Through windows blotting out the Sun.
I think of all the things,
I said I would but Haven’t done.

I thought I needed to share my time,
A second heart to make me shine.
Living a life I thought Sublime.
I’ve learnt a lot through time and trail.

Now tasked with separating fact from fiction,
I feel more and more lost in translation.
It’s not the end of me I know that I’ve grown,
Genesis is what time has shown.

A single light in Darkness shines,
Brighter each time you blink your eyes.
Part of a whole is not what defines,
Even the mighty oak eventually dies.

In parting I say we’re better apart,
Not parts of a whole but apart wholes ourselves.
My intention was never to break a fragile heart,
But knowledge imparted like books on the shelves.

It’s wrong for me to say I love you,
When your heart is somewhere else.
Now I say it’s love without a clue,
It’s funny when you feel your heart pulse.

I see his soul and feel his Zeal,
I pace myself as nothing feels real.
If I could take his pain, make him smile,
Feel his joy and embrace him all the while.

I just want to make him happy,
And I know it’s not my place.
Should I fear what I want – Why,
A fear to just reach out and touch his face.

I’m more than a little confused,
And I don’t know what to say.
A friendship to which I’ve mused,
But I know there’s a price to pay.

I’ve walked this one-way street before,
Using analogies like, waves on the shore,
It’s like hitting reset and zooming back to start,
But this time it feels like I may actually break apart.

All Consuming Darkness prickles on my skin,
And I really don’t know if I’m fighting for a win.
The twisted wreckage of a once proud man,
Who’s really doing all he can.
The life you saw and boy you knew,
Watched the light fade and the shadows grew.

I lose my mind one sunrise and moonshine at a time,
One Tick, One Marble, One innocuously innocent crime.
In the darkest corners of my proliferating insanity,
Lurk the creatures of nethermost intensity.
Inside it churns and bubbles and writhes,
One rolling tear that never dries.

His passion lights fires, an unwavering warriors soul,
His determination gives purpose, a true survivors goal.

Holding back the tears, floodgates at the ready,
One Day, One Minute, One at fault, unsteady.

Phantasms abound unreal reaction,
You are the embedded One - real distraction.
I find no comfort in the darkness only consolation,
And when the light shines deeper, stark Isolation.

I've tried my best to let it go,
Perhaps I've not tried hard enough.
But still I feel so empty and hollow,
It all seems to be getting quite tough.
One step forward and two steps back,
Just one thing I can not seem to hack.

I hear your name and my worlds collide,
I don't know how and I don't know why.
My love for you I have never denied,
But I've always hid it I'm still so shy.
I had a chance that came and went,
Just like a love letter that was never sent.

A void so black and unfulfilled,
A broken heart that's left to bleed.
A once proud soul just hurt not killed,
A sudden stop with no warning to heed.
An inescapable chasm cut to the bone,
And now I'm left to clean-up alone.

I know I'll get through what perils ahead,
And speak the words left so long unsaid.
A life time of pain will relinquish its hold,
Instead of vacant the sign will read "SOLD".
A broken dream will mend in time,
But the sentence so far is unbefitting the crime.

As the Sun rose up above my head,
I leave this land with much unsaid.
To pass the time was now my goal,
To live alone a broken soul.
Out of reach like the Sun and stars,
Round my head I'm chasing cars.

A burning flame’s secluded light,
Like the thought of you still burning bright.
In a heart black made of pain,
I still use your name to keep me sane.
Our time had passed and you moved on,
I still struggle to fathom that you are gone.

I walk the road in hope to find,
A reason in time to rest my mind.
But a dimming glow and faulting belief,
Leads my heart to find no relief.

I will push on with a budding need,
To learn and grow and nurture the seed.
I will succeed of that I've no doubt,
I will live and sing and dance and shout.

I have realised now I don't need you here,
But the thought of you still holds me dear.

I will move on with time I'm sure,
But a feeling like this has no cure.

If I told you how I felt would I,
Be a different kind of guy.
Would I laugh and play in careless dreams,
Or would I still be so torn at the seams.
Would it hurt to see your face,
Would I still be stuck in the same place.

Would I love and would I care,
Would I cry and would I share.
Could I be a softer soul,
Will I ever again be whole?

I tried to escape the way I feel,
I've tried to disguise your intoxicating appeal.
I want you gone I need you out,
But I still want you so bad I scream and shout.
It's always a fight to try move past the pain,
I relive that day over and over and over again.

I must be strong in ways I know not,
To hear your name and still not give-up.
To be thankful and happy for all that I've got,
But still living like I've got a half empty cup.
I want it to end no matter the price,
I'm sick to death of Fate and her dice.

Hurt and scarred I ran to hide,
I know this hurt will not subside.
They left their mark and left it well,
And the less I try the more I dwell.
What's done is done and I should move on,
Looming in the shadows now that they're gone.

It seems like yesterday they turned and walked away,
But what they said and did with me would stay.
I thought that I had left them far behind,
I thought the deal was sealed and signed.
I thought with you I would move forward,
I thought with you I would feel empowered.

I feel so empty so cold and blank,
Almost like the ship that sank.
Shattered dreams a lonely wreck of love and time,
The punishment does not seem to fit the crime.
But still I stand alone or not,
Thankful for all that I've got.

Every night I shed a tear for what has passed,
An opportunity missed and never grasped.
My own stupid mistake no one else to blame,
Admitting my pain I feel no more shame.
Taming the beast of broken emotions,
Dealing with the past and growing frustrations.

I've no doubt that the person I knew is no more,
Changed like the line of the beaten shore.
Still I hold on with no explanation,
Still I hold on to the forgotten location.
Still I remember the way it had been,
Their face their smile the person I'd seen.

I don't know how they did this to me,
But my only wish is now to be free.
Free from the pain the want the need from it all,
But I guess that to give it all up is still my call.
Stuck on a person my heart will remain,
Until at long last myself I reclaim.

Don't invite yourself in and don't get settled down,
You may be prince charming but you still don't wear the crown.
Its easy to say you'll fit right in,
But time will test your growing grin.

The game of life was set in motion,
Playing hard with no set notion.
Roll the dice and make your play,
You'll soon find out its you who'll pay.

I stuck it out and hoped for more,
It was like beating on the now closed door.
I found no resolve with you by my side,
It was painfully true what needed be done.
It broke my heart knowing that I tried,
But still I knew the end had begun.

I tried not to hurt you I really tried hard,
But you forced my hand the final card.
To soften the blow would do us no good,
There was no way out I did what I could.

You did me no favours I am who I am,
You showed me we weren't all Glitz and Glam.
I did what I did so you did not have to,
I may have dropped the ball but so did you.

Now its ended and neither one won,
A game we thought was meant to be fun.
So I reset the board and wiped the slate clean,
And tried to forget what was and had been.

Empty hearts and empty heads,
Are leading me to empty beds.
An empty soul no lust to try,
Just watching life rush on by.

A loveless lust so false and untrue,
Feeling less and less a one man crew.
A solo act of sorrow endearment,
The endless game for self procurement.

A life well lived and stories well told,
A life of endless torment sold.
Broken dreams and shattered hopes,
From the start never shown the ropes.

Deja vu a dime a dozen,
A tear in time forever frozen.
A life entwined with pain and grief,
A growing void of disbelief.

A duet sang with only one voice,
Given up on making the right choice.
Losing sight of goals once set,
I'll go all in that's my bet.

Pushing on and breaking ground,
Life and love in fate are bound.
Sit back relax and enjoy the show,
Not much left now time to go.

I don't know why you did it and I really don't care,
You took all the happiness and now you won't share.
You took what I gave and you tore it apart,
It felt like a knife straight through my heart.
I tried to stay strong as I gave it my all,
But despite all the work I continue to fall.

I want you gone and out of my head,
I want you gone you heard what I said.
I want it to be over I wish we'd never met,
But what you want is not always what you get.

I just want to be free but your hold is relentless,
I fight the need but it really is pointless.
I've tried and I've tried and I've tried it again,
I've tried to the point where I'm going insane.
I want it to stop as I'm loosing the plot,
The pain and the hurt they're all that I've got.

The strength I've not got to stay resolute,
The single thought of you will always pollute,
My mind my heart my purpose and cause,
You continue to be my biggest of flaws.

Sad but true the fact of this is,
My life, my love my whole will be his,
From now till forever my last hope I've resigned,
To waiting this out and trying to leave you behind.

What if I told you that his days had been numbered?
What if I told you his hour was near?
Would you believe or would it fade on a whim?
Or would you just think I am being dim?

Robbed of my vision I stumble and blundered,
A desperate reach but still nothing I hear.
It was Death I'd heard whisper - a heralding bell,
But not even Death could have stopped the day that I fell.

I see that you've changed and I know she loves you,
But believe when I say she'd never do what I'd do for you.
I'd never draw you a line or tell you enough,
I'd hold you up and push you through if times got tough.
I'd turn straw to gold if that's what would make you smile,
I'd lay it all down and care only for you all the while.
I'd do all I could to protect you from strife,
And when that seemed like enough I'll also give up my life.
I see that you've changed and I know that she loves you,
But now believe when I say she'd never do what I'd do for you.

I despise that she's on your hand and in your heart,
And that I never got to play my part.
But that fateful day I held my tongue and chose silence,
And prayed every day since for providence.

I loathe that I still hold you so high,
Devine to my mind still making me cry.
I don't think I will ever let go not on my own,
I don't think I want to let go...

Days gone by and fires extinguished,
Letting go of the light my hope diminished.
'Twas a lie when they said that in time it would heal,
The prospect of time holds no more appeal.
And now that you've left my memories grey,
I guess this is now the price I must pay.

I'd thought it was love undying and true,
But it was never love that tied me to you.
It was the warmth of your touch and the smell of your hair,
The way that you walked that's what made me care.
Your Eyes got me hooked and your smile reeled me in,
It was a war I knew I would never win.

Sometimes you made me want to scream,
At times you made it seem,
As though nothing that I'd ever done was ever good enough,
But most of the time you made it not seem so tough.
Sometimes you made me feel like breaking-down and crying,
But now alas without you there I just feel like dying.