I've always pictured Lust as a woman
A seductive and voluptuous goddess
with golden curls and a sensual smirk
Her eyes would be the reflection of diamonds
or stars in an eerie, romantic night sky
A perfection of human kind
An angel fallen from heaven
But oh would she be cruel
She might be beautiful and appear innocent
but she is a trickster, a wily temptress.
A consumer of hearts
A demon in disguise
She'd lure her helpless, naïve victims
with pleading eyes and hypnotizing sways
They'd follow, attracted to illusion of vulnerability
That's when she'd strike,
lunging for the **** in a snap
Another bleeding artless heart...
stolen, stomped on, kicked around,
cut up, spit on, and set on fire.
Another pathetic man blinded by Lust.
Poor *******.

The moon is a charring ember
Dying into the dark;
Off in the crouching mountains
Coyotes bark.

The stars are heavy in heaven,
Too great for the sky to hold —
What if they fell and shattered
The earth with gold?

No lights are over the mesa,
The wind is hard and wild,
I stand at the darkened window
And cry like a child.

That night that you ****** me like a *****,
your final dream came true.
You became the man,
that no girl ever wants to meet.
I did the only thing I knew how to do,
when I wanted to forget.
My stomach full of wine,
making my eyes believe that he
was you.
I was angry and thirsty when I awoke.
Her refrigerator only had 3 things in it,
alcohol, cold water and old cheese.
When I looked up,
you were standing there
looking at me with those big brown eyes.
You looked as sad as I felt,
tragedy was written on your face.
And your arms stretched out to meet my broken heart.
When we layed back down,
to the places that we should,
you looked so soft in comparison,
to the boy I layed beside.
When you invited me to lay with you,
your voice was so much softer,
than it had been in recent weeks.
I wanted to know why...
Why you were doing that.
Giving me that look,
with those eyes that I wanted to badly
to see me again.
...
You told me that you loved her,
and that you still cared for me.
Then you ****** me like a *****,
on our best friend's hallway floor.
And when I said I love you,
you looked at me with that same hallow stare,
from the week before.
...you said nothing...
All of the things I wanted to say,
and all the things I still do,
were trapped in the walls of that apartment,
and in the walls of our wombs,
that you deny you have.
And that night you became the man,
that you never wanted to be.
And I became the *****,
that made that okay.

Those starting over points,
        when we need to try,
                  something new.
We didnt even know what that meant,
             but we still tried.
And when the combination of friends
      that we spent
               every
                  waking
                     moment
                         with
                             got old, we decided it was time,
                                    time for that something new.
We were like bad 90's T.V. shows to each other.
  We would laugh and feel that bitter sweet sense of Nostalgia,
       but when we parted ways we would all just realize,
           that we were just trying to make the past real again.
Make those endless nights
    linger a little longer.
Make the kisses
    mean a little more.
       ......
All we were ever doing was fooling ourselves,
        into thinking we were alive.
           Into thinking we were in love.
                Into thinking we were friends.
And when that fact became too noticeable,
            we would switch,
                 rearrange,
                        and trade each other for another,
                             hoping that the one that left took the loneliness that haunted us all with them,
                                  and the one that arrived brought the love we were all searching for with them.
                                                      .....­but is always came back.....
For me,
            I would notice when they started looking at me different,
                      as if they knew something they thought they shouldn't,
                               knew something that I didn't know.
And responses
           would get short,
    conversations
          would cease to be interesting,
and then one day I would come by unannounced,
                just like all the other times,
and find everyone there,
       laughing together
          looking happier than they had in weeks.
In that moment before I walked in,
       everything was okay again,
           everything was normal,
               the loneliness had left.
Then when I walked into the room,
  it was as if I I had just caught my love in bed with someone else,
         a 'hand-in-the-cookie-jar' kind of moment.
I had become the bearer of all of their loneliness,
     I had become the mirror reflecting the empty room
               that they were always trying to fill.
So in this moment,
     I would make one of two decisions;
                 leave
                   or sit down as if nothing was wrong,
                       and spend the nest week proving my worth
                            to a tribe who had already voted me off the island.
And part of me wants to say it wasn't just me,
               that others would know exactly what I meant,
                       what I had felt,
          but for the sake of the feelings,
                 of the reality
                       of
                         that
                             moment,
            when I was the only one,
                  and no one else wanted to feel it,
                       that is where I want to be right now,
                            so that it can be felt,
                               so that after this,
                                    noone and nothing
                                          can ever trap me there again.

I never keep people around for long
And I think that's because
Nobody I've ever talked to
Has stayed up
All night with me
While I suffer from insomnia
And panic
And sadness

I've been told before
"I love you"
But nobody has ever seen me
When I'm curled up
With my head in my hands
Crying to myself
Because I know someday
I'm going to die

And while I've loved many people
I can't say
I've ever been in love