If my face
           Reflected
My inner scars

                         People
Would give me

                                              A wider
                                                             berth

Fickle memories
Trickle
Down the pickled grooves
Of the brain.

Truth, over time,
Becomes distorted,
But the feelings remain.

The mind decays
And the heart remembers
The warmth of sun rays-
How violently they kiss the skin.
"Did I put on sunscreen today??"

A moment frozen in time
Plays in an endless loop
In my medulla, but its just a feeling;
I cant quite recall the actual scene it alludes to.

I've become exposed nerve-
Reacting only to touch,
I no longer seem to remember much.

I dont even know what I should know.

Oh..

There it is.

"Would you follow me
Willfully
To your own destruction?"

Yes
Yes
Yes,
I love
Burning
In the flames
Of flawed
Love

She slithered through my ribs,
Toungue out,
Looking for a heart.
I knew her intentions from the start.
To devour me is an ambitious task.
"Don't beat yourself up over it."
Is all I ask.
Because the games are fun.
My feelings have been numb
For years, but I can act better than Guy Pierce,
Our conversations were just a Memento-
Puzzles I could never get into.
Cold blood doesn't bother me,
Your cold touch is everything I knew it would be.
She coils, ready to strike,
And I laugh at the thought-
They are all alike.
That venemous kiss;
A generous bliss
Knowing I played my part well.
We're all snakes, but not everyone of us can tell.

Everything has its place,
Has it's meaning
'Til you realize
The abject truth:
A spider eats a moth
The same way it does a butterfly.

This person sitting next to you tells you their life story- you listen so as to not be rude.
They go on about their plans
For the future; every one has plans.
And you scream, "It's all so redundant!"
You go on to say "what we want can never be achieved in this mortal form."
Try explaining a rocketship to a sloth.
Your dreams are too big to even make sense
So everyone thinks your crazy,
But they are insane.
"We're already dead, can't you see?" You tell them.
"Our dying breath lasts over 50 years.
Exploring our cell doesn't mean we are free. Don't you want to be more than a tax attorney?"
You plead, hoping somebody can offer some sense- anything, a nod of acceptance. All you're met with is silence and bewildered eyes.
You break down and cry at this feeling of lonliness.

But really
You say nothing.
You just sit there
Listening so as to not seem rude.

Ecclesiastes speaks my soul.
All that I know
Had already been known.
What purpose is my toil
If I am destined to return to soil
And give rise to another who is the same as me?
Wisdom brings no peace-
Ignorance, no clarity;
Where then does felicity reside?
Oh! The irony of curiosity
Knowing **** well
It brings only more strife...
Why God
WHY
is life?

Nothing going on

Here.....

I'm only alone when I wake from my dreams.
The floor is quick sand.
I can barely stand;
I am trapped to my knees.
No kicking or screaming, please.
It facilitates demons entering me.

I'm only safe in my dreams.
I'm only safe in my dreams.

I'm only safe in my dreams.
Stuck in a world where nothing is what it seems.
Keep your electric eye on me,
I'll show you something real,
But only so briefly.
I made memories as a barfly
Floating through the sky-
It was all underneath me.
The dream doesn't last;
It is forever fleeting.

But I'm only safe in my dreams.
I'm only safe in my dreams.

One day
I shall dream
Forever.
There is
No better
Dream.
Days blend
Into night
Night blends into eternity
The stars
the eyes
Are one
Some are
Dead
Already
Time hasn't
Passed enough
For you to realize
Life
And
Death
Blend
As one
Itis
Tragedy
Itis
Fun
Thereisnoendonlycontinuum
Continue on.
What's in you
Is strong.
"I know
Nobody
Knows
Where it comes
And where
It goes......
Dream on
Dream on
Dream on
Dream on."

Where have you gone?
Have you absconded
To somewhere better.
I'm accustomed to loneliness,
But I still hate feeling lonely.
I fester in memories
That keep me an invalid
To love.
If I didn't think you're touch could save me
I'd leave you alone,
But I am prone
To romantic ideas
That have no basis in reality.

I self-deprecate
To self-medicate
Because I'm afraid
That if I'm too great
The world will take
What little innocence
I have left.

So no, I'm not worth your time, or your effort. Let me sulk in this corner, picking through scraps of the dumpster that is my heart. And maybe I won't find diamonds or gold or riches, but maybe I can recover my art.

Another day.
Things are OK.
I'm still waiting
For my moment-
Any moment.
The fire
Has dimmed.
Smoke billows
Toward the sky.
I breathe,
But I'm barely even alive.
What's the point of fighting?

The world is invisible.
My brain can't comprehend what we're doing here.
"Fight you idiot!" That's what the voice inside my head yells.
Poe asks, "Can you no longer hear the bells?"
I can't....
It's all a low buzz now:
Cars honking for me to go,
The songs on the radio.

I am mist
Dissipating in the wind,
But it is OK
It's just another day.

I can't hold my liquor;
I'm not a lightweight, I literally can't hold the bottle, but I can hold a battle with my demons for the remainder of the night. It's not an anger that consumes me, It is fear. I'm afraid of us and for us. I can't hold my liquor, but the fear doesn't sway, it's simply numb, like dentists drilling your teeth after a shot of novacane. Frank Ocean plays in the background. My soul is fragmented across multiple songs and melodies that's why I drop to my knees and sob uncontrollably- the memories come rushing back. I've forgotten what it's like to feel except through other people's art. I'm afraid I can't be whole. I can't hold my liquor, and as I walk outside I see a dead cat boiling on tarmac still hot from the Texas summer. And the birds are free, but they can't fly against the wind, that is where salvation lies and that's the catch. I'm afraid the mortal condition can never be cured, even in death. I can't hold on to hope, but the bottle is within arms reach, I just need a better grip.

The moon shines
Through my blinds.
Insomnia creeps up from behind,
"Where do you think you're going?"

I was a fool to think I could run-
For thinking I could change my outcome by being numb.
To darkness, I succumb.
I've forgotten faces, emotions, memories;
What keeps me up?
Why am I up?

We all pay penalties
For living,
But why must we find reasons to live?


.......its 2:22 A.M.
And dreams
Are dying
Under the skyline
And sounds of dogs barking.

At least I'm not the only one up

No me entiendes
Simplemente por que no quieres
Hacer el esfuerzo.
es culpa de nadien-
No queremeos amor
Sin retorno;
Lo entiendo,
Pero sin Valor,
Tal vez
Es justo
Que nunca
Ganamos
Nada.

Forced happiness everywhere
In advertisements, and Facebook shares.
"You won't believe what 'so and so' did."
But I can.
Meanwhile, ducks drown in ponds-
Diving, quacking
As the people look on
Marvelling, laughing.
A baby dies the world cries- for a moment- until you scroll down your timeline and post another comment. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, life proves me wrong, of course.
We have failed. We have failed.
And all the poetry in the world hasn't made a difference.
All the stories ever told, bear false witness to a god that doesn't exist;
A god that let it get like this....
And still,
I blame myself

I am the blood of a million failures
Whose only success
Was making the next.
A jellyfish floating by
Hoping to catch what nourishment I can with my tendril soul.
I am not whole,
I was broken from the start.
And I do not know
Where the swallows go when they are not resting upon my window.
Perhaps some place higher than I ever had the ability to imagine.

I speak as though you are familiar, but we lost each other long before our formation. At this point, words are too much information when all anyone wants is to feel.
I feel for you,
But introductions and conclusions always were my weakness,
So I'll float on
Forever

Forever


Forever



Forever

escape has become my cell
The Thin veil of freedom
Wraps tightly around my skin
Choke me with your silence
See me with no eyes
Death is a better alternative
You there, reader, are a fool
For sticking around so long
Look around there is nothing here:
3 walls and a cell door, a flimsy mattress atop a metal frame bolted to the wall, and a toilet.
In here I am all and nothing
Escape is overrated

Don't force your thoughts onto my words.
Don't know if you're not sure.
What I mean and what I say
Are not the same-

A tragedy
I know...

My soul is a neutron star dying,
But please, tell me more about how your earthly remedies can help.
"I need help."
Now that's just me lying-
Trying to make ppl feel worth more than what they really are.
I dream
Inhuman things,
How do I fit in
With human beings?
The answer is,
I dont....
Keep your dreams and aspirations,
I'll Keep searching for a greater form of greatness.

Why step lightly?
Why proclaim politely
The thunder cracking in your bones?
Fear- you'd do good to leave it well enough alone.
Misery is the river of the world
Now
Row row row
Up a stream you already know,
Or jump overboard
And make a big enough splash
To drown out the low drum;
The consecrated, numb voice
Singing in your ears,
"Why?"

Spend too much time in my mind
Still not getting ahead
Lately I've been feeling the urge to cry
Not really knowing why
Maybe it's a well of emotions
I thought had run dry
Don't understand it but I try try try
Tyrannically
I'll make you love me
My words don't taste like they used to
Bittersweet
The day my dreams and memories meet
Maybe I'll find
Meaning in the secrets I so carefully keep

The longer I live
The less I feel I should.
This is not my space.
I drink
To run.
Wish I could run
Away.
I run in place.
My thoughts like spider eggs
Thrive in the darkness-
My heart like sunflowers
Craves the light.
How does one stop this
Asymmetry
Without a violent fight?

The longer I look
The harder it gets to see
Any meaning.
The longer I write
The less it works
To dull my bleeding.

Does anyone have a fix?

You say you're ready to end it all, things are too much to handle
Meanwhile I sit in a bathtub full of water blade to my skin.
I know you want something, some show of emotion-
Anything for God's sake!
How hard could it be?
But I am not strong, though I feign it.
I don't know a thing, though I claim it.
You search for an impetus to stay.
All I can clearly say is, "There is none."
Its devastating, that much I know.
But what am I to do when all I've been through has extinguished the light I once possessed? Somehow light shines through my words, sometimes
But it's just muscle memory at this point.
What can anyone do for you?

What can anybody do for any of us.....

I stand here extant by some accident I'm sure.
There's nothing but a low drone now;
The whirling of machines and things.
And faces force their words down my throat-
Meaningless words.
Meaningless people
And their meaningless accords.
I'm in a slump of sorts:
Everything I touch
Feels the same.
Everything I eat and drink
Tastes the same.
Everything I think
Leads to the same outcomes.
I am an outcast.
How long does this drought last?

Short, choppy
Sentences.
Doesn't have to make sense.
Type before the day ends.
Drink until my brain spins.
I've been on a pain binge.
Passed out on a park bench
Woke up with my jaw clenched.
I misplaced my heart-wrench
I can't fix my dark tints.
I'm begging your pardon,
I know nothing for certain;
Except, this doesn't make sense.
It never made sense.

We suffer the wounds of the dead without knowing.
Until, finally,
It is our turn to die.
We create the scars
The future is haunted by-
Architects of our own disdain.
Cycles cannot be tamed
Only broken.
Humanity has never changed.
Evolution means
Molding into something greater
Than what was.
I dare not refer to myself
By the name
The dead bequeathed to me.
I no longer am.
I can only become.

It's all gone.
The dying wisp that is my soul
Has moved on.
I am a husk,
Waiting now only
For dusk.
Take a drink
Only if I must.
**** myself
Because it is just.
The good ones leave
Without a word-
Victims to a toxic world.
The good ones leave
And we don't get the message.
Evil stays; forever restless.
And I'm here.
I'm here.
Wondering where
My ticket is.

Water drop
Longing return to the ocean
You can move mountains- erosion

It simply takes time

Desperation
Settles on my skin
Like grease
Or oil.
Wash away all you like,
But it's hard to get under
The fingernails.
Words were a gale
Rushing
Lifting me up
But desperation
Keeps weighing me down.
I want diamonds in my heart
Eagles in my eyes
Pearls in my smile
But I am not that guy.
Hatred has wrapped it's claws
'Round my neck
And I kind of like it.
Wash it away
Wash it away,
Can't get under the fingernails
What the **** is even the point

What temperance
Hath peace
In me
Started?
The nights
Swoon,
Dreams alight
Upon my mind
No longer.
Endless faith
In hopeless deeds-
Growing pains
From defective seeds.
What I am and what I came to be
Never coincided peacefully
I was supposed to set the world on fire,
Instead I water the seeds of my own discord
That something good may come of it

This poetry thing
Isn't for amateurs.
Some nights your heart wants to sing,
But you'll forget the words-
Words that so carefully guide us,
Yet so painfully bind us to a dream.
The dream of escaping, peacefully, the horrendous atrocities of reality.
You see dead bodies bleeding into the street,
But describe it as a stream, crimson from the setting sun's glow.
Watch it flow lazily into oblivion.
The indifference you learn from watching ghastly scenes unfold again and again.
And people sing so merrily, the survival tactic of distraction,
But you've forgotten the words.
What were the words?

The moon shines as a cross through my blinds,
And it is no longer poetic.
I fear nothing more shall ever be....
And I weep.
I weep
At 2:18 A.M.
In front of poets that don't give a **** about these words.
In front of a god who stopped caring long ago.
I weep not for myself,
But for the child who once saw poetry in every scene, regardless of how ugly or beautiful it was.
The moon light is a cross through my blinds,
And I could give a **** less.

What we
Are,
We shall never
Be.
We are programmed
For the stars-
Programed to the
Sea.

It is difficult to feel yourself burning when your hands have always been too close to the flames

I'm giving a reading.
The crowd looks up at me with stars for eyes.
And it sounds beautiful and poetic, 'til you realize that means there is nothing ahead but the void of space.
I'm just floating- hapless, helpless
Through existence.
Every now and then I get pulled a certain direction, but I never enter orbit.
I'm reading to the stars.
The isolation doesn't alarm me like it used to.
I'm either more resilient, jaded, or dead- I can't really tell.
I finish my reading and I'm met with silence. I am lost. I never belonged. I'm too soft for killers and addicts and lawyers and politicians.
I'm too hard for priests and schoolteachers and poets.
I float on through the stars,
Looking for signs of life.

I've been floating for some time now....

I trace wild horses with my fingers;
Running,
Running in the dead of night.
Running from sunlight.
We were cursed to think up freedom
And not understand what it means.
The message is too many things.
Running-
From what?
Wonderful is the midnight dark
There is life,
There is the spark.
The perfect man is up
Looking in trashcans for food
To survive.
We live all this time
Just to die
One day.
So many years dedicated to
One day.
I'll find it out
Some day-
The way
Is too high
My thoughts, base.
Listen to the drums
Feel the bass in your bones.
Life is reflections and vibrations
A mind trying to make sense
Of imaginary stimuli
That's why I stare
At the stars in your eyes
Wondering
What the horses
Are running from

For you are a rose
Behaving as a dandelion-
Tough,
But
As the wind blows
You are scattered
Leaving nothing for yourself.
Let yourself be tended to
And bloom how you were intended to .
And perhaps, you'll lose your toughness, but then
You Could enjoy the cool breeze
And we can gleefully discuss it

I pen these words
To upend the scourge of humanity
In me
For I have been human
Longer than I think I should've.
To be honest, my poetry isn't in the words you read, but in my mere existence.
I am celestial, eternal.
I know this life is death-
Still I take my breaths
Because mortality is a once in a lifetime experience.
I pen these words to chronicle the journey,
Nothing more.
I do not belong,
But here I am;
What keeps me going
Is that one day,
I shall return to the motherland
And this life will be a fleeting memory.
A moment to be remembered
Then forgotten
like it's supposed to be.

Scrolling through newsfeed
I read
Emmitt Till's historical marker
Had to be made bulletproof
and weigh 500 lbs so as to not be removed.
In some states,
Courts fight for Confederate statues
To stand tall.
There's a tragedy somewhere in it all
I'm sure,
But I don't know what to do about it.

People idolize butterflies
For their beauty,
But curse their fragility.

Being human
Is wanting to contain
That which is better off
Free;

The essence we so desperately

Desire.

My attention span
Is such.....

Depression
                         Is like
A mountain

That you alone must peak
Just
        
            To climb back down again.

I hear your voice speak.

                                               It says
I don't have to do this

But I do.
But I do.

I'm slipping
                       On the rocks.
Wishing
For some rest,
But I keep pushing
To the top

Just

          To climb back down again.
I don't have to do this,

But I do.
But I do.

I extend
                 My hands
To the sky.
Its so blue and out of reach.

I get closer
                      Every time,
But I have to say goodbye.

I have to climb back down the mountain.

I'll be back up again soon, I know....

I know I don't have to climb back down the mountain,

But I do

I do

I do.

Poetry is a dull flame to a dark ignorance.
I sing and you dance.
Don't ask what the words mean-
They are a screeching silence
Echoing the musings of a breathless life.
Something you don't understand, but resonates within you regardless.
You sing, by chance I may sway with the beat. I won't dance for my poetry is incomplete. And I can analyze the purity of your eyes, but there is no fun in dispelling lies.
My heart is wonderous art that bears no meaning except to whomever created it.
Nonsensical
Yet relatable-
A sharp darkness
To a blinding flash

Hopelesseley lost,
In a weak daze
From inconsequential week days
That have no bearing on a future I am not promised.
I pretend to be-
I pretend I am
Alive,
But if I could behave eternally,
Nobody would ever know of me.

Catch me

Catch me

I'm falling d
                    o
                     w
                       n

Don't know what life means
When you're not around.

I reach toward the heavens.
I want to tell you that you're everything, but
I can't finish this __.

Oh, what is life
When you're not around?
Don't know much,
Except, I'm falling down.

Catch me
Catch me
My wings are broken.
I don't expect anything,
But I was hopin'
That you could lend a hand.

I've been falling for sometime;
I just wanna land.

I know you're looking for me to write something, but all is said and done. There's nothing left to say, and nothing left to return from.

Been dreaming about Porsches and pornstars
All while holding my wife
Lovingly in my arms.
And I know it's a malady
To want more
When I have more than I need.
I find it difficult to come to terms with this reality.
I use to never have dreams
Now it seems,
It's all I have