no one understands
the dulling pain inside my heart
it’s weaved into my brain
and it’s breaking me apart

i don’t know how to explain it.
it’s like everything’s fine when you’re distracted
then the minute you’re alone
everything piles up and you can’t breath.
i like to sit and stare at nothing for hours,
i like to think but i don’t like my thoughts. they speak to me and i can’t help but to listen.
smiling feels good but knowing it’s fake feels worse.

i remember how i stood there
on the rooftop
the air brushing my face
as i watched cars drive past below
i stared down at the traffic
and i realised-
did i belong?
so i thought; what was to belong?
to starve yourself to be beautiful?
to chase a boy who would never acknowledge me?
to hate myself?
i breathed deeply,
and i felt the overwhelming urge to jump.

it was such a pretty colour
like blossoming pink
would’ve been better not running down my sink
razor blades and cuts
bathroom locked shut
i’ve got a feeling of despair
just churning in my gut
a beautiful curse
etched into my skin
droplets of red
appearing from within
there’s these voices in my head
and they visit me a lot
i can hear my heart beating

but i just want it to stop