Do you?
Do you ever think about how vast everything is?
And how tiny and minuscule you are to the rest of the world?

Do you ever think about how big you are compared to the universe, or the sky, or the ocean, even your own little town? 

Do you? 

Do you ever wonder how many stars there are compared to you?
Or how many of you would it take to wrap around the whole earth
Because that’s just the kind of thinker that you are, and you know it’s ridiculous but you can’t help but wonder just how many, and wonder how on earth you could make it work. 

Do not be ashamed of thinking you are so small and minuscule,

But also do not be misguided by thinking that;

Because even if you are small in comparison to the universe, and the sky, and the ocean, and your small town.

There is someone out there that thinks you are all the rain that falls from the sky, and that your existence is like the radiance of a sunset.

Of course no one thinks that you are the entire universe, but the universe is to vast. 

Too unreachable, too unattainable.
However small you may be,
They think you are all the enjoyment in life, and to them, that makes you the whole galaxy.

Do you?
Do you ever think about how vast everything is?
And how tiny and minuscule you are to the rest of the world?

Do you ever think about how big you are compared to the universe, or the sky, or the ocean, even your own little town? 

Do you? 

Do you ever wonder how many stars there are compared to you?
Or how many of you would it take to wrap around the whole earth
Because that’s just the kind of thinker that you are, and you know it’s ridiculous but you can’t help but wonder just how many, and wonder how on earth you could make it work. 

Do not be ashamed of thinking you are so small and minuscule,

But also do not be misguided by thinking that;

Because even if you are small in comparison to the universe, and the sky, and the ocean, and your small town.

There is someone out there that thinks you are all the rain that falls from the sky, and that your existence is like the radiance of a sunset.

Of course no one thinks that you are the entire universe, but the universe is to vast. 

Too unreachable, too unattainable.
However small you may be,
They think you are all the enjoyment in life, and to them, that makes you the whole galaxy.

Do not be afraid of me.
Do not think that just because I have skin made of diamonds that
I cannot easily break.
You see, I am surrounded by them,
They protect me from the outside,
But my diamond armor cannot block out everything.
Diamonds do not protect my heart;
I can still break, shatter, and be demolished at the slightest of hands.
“Beautiful” they say;
They watch me walking down the street,
but can they not see the scarlet red filling up beneath it?
Can they not see my mascara stained cheeks, and trembling hands?
Or are they mesmerized still by my glittering appearance?
Dazzled that I am so sparkling and vibrant in the sun;
Completely unaware of my cry for help underneath the glistening gem shield.
Do they not know that once I turn off the sun, I will look like a piece of ***** ice?
That once I take off this mask I am just a simple broken girl?

While I have been amazed to see everyone’s lack of attention at how worn I am; I have failed to see how broken everyone around me is.
Once I finally took a step back to examine those around me,
I noticed they were also sounded by their own magnificent gems; going
Through things just like I am.
I found a twenty-nine year old women thinking about
What it was going to be like once her mother left her; she holds back her tears for
The people around her, but once she gets alone she cries herself to sleep.
She is surrounded by agate.
There is a fourteen year old teenager
Scared to death of what she might be.
Terrified of herself.
She carves into her skin like paint on a canvas;
All I can think to say to her is
“Let me save you please!”
But she can’t hear me,
I can’t get the words out.
She is surrounded by eudialyte.
All of these people around me
Going through things I could never handle going through myself;
These things happen to the people closest to me every day
But I am too blinded with myself to see it.
When did I become so self-centered?
When did I,
Start caring for myself when I should have been the one to save all these people around me, and their crumbling gemstones?
One day I will write a book about how sorry I am to each of these people;
But even then it will not make everything alright.
So here is my message;
Please whatever you do… don’t stop fighting… never stop.
Fight for all of the people who cannot fight for themselves.
You could save a life some day with that smile.
You never know when you will save someone’s life.
So don’t stop.
Help me save everyone that I have failed, please.

It's at 10:30.
10:30 when I realize who I really am.
I realized how hard I try to make everyone like me.
How hard I try to fit in.
How hard I try to be this loud obnoxious girl, with this big boastful bad attitude.
Is that me?
I don't really know.
It was about 10:14.
10:14 when I realized what someone I trusted with my most confined thoughts and feelings
Thought about me.
Annoying.
Super.
Annoying.
Am I?
The problem.
The problem is that I do not know who I am.
There for I am not sure how to fix it.
I do not know how to guide myself into the right.
Why not?
Why can't I stay happy?
What happens in my mind?
Does something break? Or snap?
And then reform.
Then break or snap again?
What is it?
Why?
What do I keep letting hold me back?
Why am I so lost?
Who is wiling to answer these questions?
I want to scream into the wind.
I want the wind to pick me up and carry me away into abyss.
No one will find me.
I can be alone with my thoughts and my words.
I can write all the colors in the sky.
When I write about happy things. I am happy.
I can feel it.
But how do I get myself to do it when all the floods my mind is upset words.
I cannot swim in this any longer.
I can feel myself drowning.
But I know that I will save myself at the last second.
Because that is what I was made to do.
Save.
From all the harsh and cruel things that life is.
From myself.
10:38.  
10:38 I realized how jumbled and confused all of this is.
Just like my life.
Everything is a mess.
10:39.
10:39.
Save me from this mess.
Carry me home.
I am tired.
I am so tired.
10:39
Just let me be alright.

I love the way your smile lights up the sky. 

And how when you sweat
your hair curls at the nape of your neck.

I (love) that when
I’m in conversation with you
I’m transfixed on every world that you utter.

I love every breath that you breathe.

I’m in love with the way you roll your r’s. 

And laugh your A’s.

Everything that makes you, you
Is the (love) in me. 

As a contradiction,
I hate you.
I hate all of you. 

I hate how I love every word you utter.
And I hate how you roll your r’s
and laugh your A’s.

I (hate) your bright smile. 

I especially hate you when you sweat,
and your hair curls at the nape of your neck.
I hate that I makes me want to kiss you.

(Most of all)
I hate,
Hate,
How much I love you…
And how far away you are from everything I thought you were.