Tumbling down in the darkness beneath the stars
Freefalling through the absence of light
Falling down
down
Down
no gravity
Eternity in suspension
the feel of your breath squeezing out of your lungs
Until light…
sickly yellow like pitiful hope
Faces known and loved
maybe
Voices rising and falling like crashing waves.
déjà vu.
You’ve been here before, stood alone and explained
the feel of your breath squeezing
So many things so many times that you forgot the words
the feel of your breath
Rolling off your tongue like dimmed pearls of pseudo-wisdom
the feel of your
And you speak and speak but they can never see
the feel of
Your mouth opens with fury frustration in wordless agony.
cassandra’s madness.
Around you (invisible) the world turns and turns until it spins
nausea's too long fingers dragging inside your throat
Faces blur the ground disappear and still
you can’t stop you can’t stop you are only the sound tearing through the air
That scream that is not yours, that is everything you are
the wounded beast under thin veneer of civilization
Pours out of you like translucent blood.
you die.
(dreams don’t have to make sense)
Jerking back to life
anxiousness is the worm burrowing in your stomach
You never cry in your dreams.
*The feel of your breath bleeding out into the air.

This is not about words. This is not about language.

This is about rhythm.

This is about the flow of sound, dancing through the air. This is about the pauses, the silences. The breaths taken. This is about syllables matching the beating of my heart.

This is what music is, in its purest form, striped of everything but raw vibrations.  This can reach down to my bones.

This is not about beauty.

This is about truth. This is searching, always, for a sound so true it will cut through the air, through hearts, through time.

This is scrambling for a pen and looking at letters writing themselves in stark black ink on paper that breathes like living skin. This is what life is.

This is not about intelligence.

This is about puzzles. This is dragging the hidden parts of my soul, kicking and screaming, into the light. This is finding all those pieces of me, so small and lost, and figuring them out. What they mean. How they fit.

This is taking words, breaking them down, reshaping them to reflect who I am through shards of fractured light. This is what glass is, when shattered and rebuilt. Incomplete but real.

This is a thousand breaths strung together like the beating of a heart.

This is me.

This is.

Flashes of quicksilver through the air
Sharp edges of broken glass
Echoes of light

Wind playing like wild things in the
Warm darkness of the summer night
Clear rain beating like so many drums
Drop after drop hitting black tar
Silent crystal bells sliding along your face
Caressing your cheek your hair your skin
Snug against your throat
Through the armor of clothes sinking into bones
Cleaning paths of whispering nerves
And the rumbling sound rolling around in your head
Slow and lingering
Vibrations down your spine grasping

Crawling out of yourself
Taste of electricity on the back of your tongue
Liquid steel and smooth fire
Sparks rushing through you human livewire
Moving right beneath your skin bursting stars meteorites
Stripping you raw and true and farther than you’ve ever reached
Heart slowed down tight and straining
Fluttering choking too slow for the light
Blood thick and red pulsing in your chest your wrists your mouth
Under your tongue against your lips fighting its way out

Like the scream inside of you
Deep and rooted scratching at the walls of your mind
Eternity spent nowhere
Frantic whimpers broken claws slow poison world of grey
Threat of oblivion never ending struggle
Remember remember remember who you are
Crackling yellow or smooth white and stark black ink and smell of paper
The world beyond the world technicolor light
Soaring away invisible wings
Beating the rhythm of you heart

And you laugh and laugh and laugh and your smile feels like a storm