I’m coughing up dust on the kitchen floor. Of all the ways I could **** myself in this room, I chose to think of you.
I compare myself to nothingness but that’s an insult to the universe. My internal organs are shutting down one by one, as if even my biology has given up now.
I emptied myself, hoping I could empty you from my blood, stop you from stabbing me in the heart with every cardiac cycle.
But still you remain, the perpetual smell of loneliness that haunts me, I’ve bled away everything but you.
I tried to forget you, I really did. I changed who I was, who you knew, who knew you. I spoke to friends I hadn’t seen in years and I kissed a boy who used to love me.
I ran away and took too much medication. I stopped eating and stopped sleeping and drove myself to insanity in an attempt to stop seeing you everywhere. But you stained my mind and no amount of self destruction can remove you.
I’m coughing up dust, hoping to cough up my life, praying to cough up you.


© *Meredyth Silver