Después de mi ventana
lives a world I have not known.
Hay un hombre y lo conozco
but only for a while.

I left in such a hurry
quise a viajar en todo el mundo.
Pero, ahora pienso que me olvide
what used to make me smile.

Enseño muchas cosas nuevas
but I've lost the most important thing.

Sometimes
when people show you their worst sides
and kick you when you're down
and act like you don't matter
and smash you to the ground
just because
they can't see you care
because you don't wear your emotions on your sleeves.
The people who are worth it
the freakin awesome ones
shine through and pull you out of the ****.

Then maybe you have less people
but you only got the ones that matter.
Who needs the others anyway?

You are not allowed to need.
You must never reach out
to anyone
and ask for help.

You are not allowed to need.
You must always be the one
to hold it all together
and make everything ok.

You are not allowed to need.
You must only be there for others
and never have anyone
be there for you.

You are not allowed to need.
You must hold it together
even when you are falling apart
because no one wants to hear about you.

I am not allowed to need.
Who would care to fulfill the needs
of a useless being
like me?

I have fallen in love with foreign places
places I have only spent a moment
or a day or a month
and places I have only read about
or seen
In stories and pictures and books
And places I have dreamed.

The places I love, are nothing like here
They are strange and different
and beautiful and challenging.
They are the places I want to call home.

But no one else shares my love,
my wish for a foreign life.
So this place that I call home,
may be the most foreign one of all.

How can you know
just in a few seconds
whether someone is going to be important
or just another someone?

You just know.

And when you know in only a second
then that person is going to be on your mind
and in your heart
and that can be amazing
and the best thing in the world
if you are in his heart too.

But when you know you aren't
and he doesn't even say hi,
even if you deserve it,
thinking about him
every day
(every single day)
suddenly is more of a burden
than a comfort

And when you carry around too many
of those people in your heart
it can get crowded
and you can feel weighed down
and its too hard
so very hard
to find room for another.

So you go
around and around
in circles.
Forever.

I love to hold magnets in my hands
and feel them pull toward each other.
It is such a force of nature
that I don't really understand,
but without fail
those two magnets will always want to be together.

But what happens when there is a brick in the way
or a room
or even a tiny piece of paper.
When there is space between them
or something blocking their way,
do the magnets forget about each other?

But even if that paper is there
once it is taken away
the magnet doesn't change its desires
or listen to those who tell it not to want
what it wants.
Not like people,
not like me.

Wouldn't it be great if we all were just like magnets?
But maybe we are,
attracted to one magnet,
until another one comes along.

I wish I could live in a bubble.
Not quite like those kids with diseases
but more of a bubble in the sense that a bubble is safe.

I wish I could live without judgement.
Both my own and that of others
so that my decisions could be pure.

I wish I could live in a dream.
Where everything is irrational
but oh so rational all at once.

I wish I could live in the future.
So I could know what will come
and not always be wondering what is after my next step.