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Mellow Ds Jun 2011
Staring into stars, the lonely people drink their tears
And genuflect to empty car parks and swallow their fears
Like Ernest Hemingway, they grit their teeth and laugh
******* a pocket bullet, contemplating aftermath
And the shadows bend and grow…
And the embers shine below.

Geared for success, the lonely boy begins to starve
His chest heaving from stress, his wish for waterfall in cars
Freeways self-entitled, forcing ants into the gutter
While a lonely father cries and the boy freezes and sputters
And the doorway opens up
As the mouth is finally shut.

“I’m not mad, son, you’ve only disappointed me”
Father, point the way for me, where is my life leading?!
Should I sacrifice my happiness for a chance at succeeding?
Should these calloused hands be empty, do I need a beating?

You need to straighten up your tie and keep your noses clean.
My mother’s eyes in moonlight silently judging me
Inhumanity, why don’t you rule these streets?
I bite my bottom lip and gaze down at my feet
Lumped chunk of nicotine
Pushing itself out of me.

I want to stop blending rainwater with my leaking eye-sockets,
Crying for another with which to share my gold locket,
Tossing and turning, wondering where I will be next
And for God’s sake, can I do it, am I trying my very best!?

Why can’t I get up on time like every normal human being?
Why do I always get sick, why do my guts hate me?
Why are all my joints always crackling and aching?
I never want to live, don’t ever try to save me!

“I’m not mad, son, you’ve only disappointed me”
Father, point the way for me, where is my life leading?!
Should I sacrifice my happiness for a chance at succeeding?
Should these calloused hands be empty, do I need a beating?

Staring into stars, the lonely people sit and smile
Counting all the faces staring back, retracing miles
Celestial serenity, striving for an energy
Never needing inquiry, embracing the no thing!

Should these calloused hands be empty?
Do I need a beating?
Will these pruning hands deceive me?
This Universe is in me.
Mellow Ds Feb 2011
Blindsided by a rhinoceros.
Tendons, muscles, unraveling. I can't do this any--
Glitch, system failure, shutdown
Restart, blue screen, flashing cursor
Epileptic shock. Epinephrine injected
Command line. Run:

Beautiful flying objects thrown violently.
Don't open this door! Kiss me hard
And not in a good way (if you remember how),
Like when fishes try to breathe on dry
Land on jagged Rock
Climbing without
Gears spinning and clanking
*** and pan. (Glass and sand)

Sizzling in this artificial sun
Created by brainwaves soaked in
****** and LSD and yellow cake uranium
Ghostriding patterns erupting like
Stop. Fail. Restart.
Detecting equipment...
No input present. How will you communicate?
Try again. Restart.
Password required.

Why don't you eat?
These tears are making my face numb.
Put this in your arm.
Trust me, you'll love it.
You'll have Tesla coming out of every orifice.
Dancing physics, matryoshkas.

You can deny the existence of a God and live,
But if you deny the existence of gravity...
Well, just try and walk off this cliff.

"These thoughts are so scattered.
I don't even think they're mine."
Those memories? They're not yours.
They belong to your master's daughter.
-------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------
We're Replicants.
We boot up, we shut down, we most definitely restart.
Viruses make us sick and sometimes break us to the point where we need new hardware.
Sometimes they break our firmware and we need to wipe.
We have command lines to perform actions, and registry keys to keep memory stored of the things we learn.
The world is our power supply,
and when we boot up in safe mode,
like
some
people
do
every
day,

we only use the bare minimum of our potential.
------------------------------------------------------­----------------------------------
I must be dying, I'm only this awkward when I'm dying.
Connection timed out.
Mellow Ds Feb 2011
I love the smell of my flesh in the morning
So soothing, like the ghost of the woman you're mourning
Conforming to a bitterness, you swore to me
That you wouldn't do what you did, but what's more to me
Is that your stain rests upon every thing that I enjoy
My heart is a consultant, don't insult it by calling it unemployed.
I put too much time into your eyes on my mind, in my rhyme
Undermined, badly timed, so let's get to other subject lines

Starlight baking cloudy, shaking
Hourglass breaking, howling naked
On a street corner, "Happy Birthday!" (belated)
Just say it. If it's in a reactor, it's decaying
A single rooftop smothered by snowflakes, earthquakes
Heartbreaks, salt shakers, risk-takers, green bakers
Understudy, crush me honey, lose my number, don't go under
Keep me waiting and debating, my hand shaking, the phone breaking

My face is a reflection of the sunlight's rays
Keeping a constant rumbling from underground at bay
And everyone complains that they're smothered in their own way
But when I rationalize the rainbows, their records won't play
I simply need the orchards to escape this lonely torture
A place to sit and paint in front of a tree and make a fortune
Soothing ears to rest and putting minds at ease
My music, a viral infection, a depressive disease

Constantly starving myself of the rain
I bring the trees to their roots and stimulate the brain
With a conflagration of color, instantly insane
Yet civilized, melody harmonized, urbane
The strings will vibrate and body rejuvenate
Conceptual mind-**** a rising heart-rate
The starlight glowing outwards, the falling of the towers
To signify to flip to side B in a mere matter of hours
(c) Ryan Bowdish 2010-2011
Mellow Ds Feb 2011
I'm centralized ******* the eyes behind your face.
Your envy shines through your scars and lies fill your space.
The spot where you once stood is now occupied only by shadow;
Shattered shell, now simply useless, when you used to be fallow.
Speaking haunted words to impress, when they simply aren't your best,
Writing a  metaphorical mess to disguise the blood in your chest.
Rationalizing rage to reiterate your immunity to emotion,
When in truth, your feelings shroud you, like the earth consumed in ocean.
You've exhausted all your time preparing shipmates to drop bombs,
When you should have just put on a red shirt so they would remain calm.
Your day's gone, along with the girl you used to lay on, it's the
Same song, except the ******* sound engineer kept the delay on.
Your gears are running into each other and eroding off slowly,
Until the day your seconds stop ticking and prove that your lowly
Life can only be changed with a changed outlook on your self-worth.
When you let go of someone who never existed, you'll experience rebirth.

Masochism is enveloping you, sadism a byproduct,
Like the desperate excuses you force out of your itching tear ducts.
Gears stuck on 7, the motor's about to blow out.
Don't think now that this person you know is on the holdout.
It's so loud, the screaming amplified by your written words,
And though it hurts, you're coveting that which you don't deserve:
Quit creating your own mirages by expecting to find an oasis.
Until you realize there's only desert, you'll wither away and remain faceless.

Deception is a clever trick, but you're not so great of an actor
(Ironically enough), you have become your own detractor.
Eat fungus to reach the stars, when they're burning lightyears away and
All you're feeling is the warmth of your dopamine receptors at play.
Lying selfishly, forgetting how distinguished you once were,
Not only pushing your love away, but losing objective worth.
Letting a gorgeous figure become a disguise for broken homes.
With shattered moans, you drug-induce tattered bones.
The sadness grows, but only to those who see the truth:
Your admittance is a sign of the desperation leaking through.
A child wrapped in the body of some apathetic youth,
Not yet strong enough to turn away from the peeking moon
Instead of howling loudly, in sheer exhaustion and confusion.
You see, your image of me, like the oasis, is an illusion!
We've switched sides of the coin, you became what you hated.
But, from where did all your anger come? I thought emotions were overrated.

Human weakness is enveloping you, bitterness a byproduct,
Like the desperate excuses you force out of your itching tear ducts.
Fear stuck on max volume, the speaker's about to blow out.
Don't think now that this person you know is on the holdout.
It's so loud, the envy behind your spoken words,
And for what it's worth, you're insulting who once made you bless your birth.
Quit creating your own mirages by expecting to find an oasis.
Until you realize there's only sand left, you'll die thirsty and remain faceless.
(c) Ryan Bowdish 2010-2011
Mellow Ds Feb 2011
Just stay quiet and still, keep your hands on the wheel
She's all ******* in the back just to prove that we still feel
A twisted, little punk all strung out on the junk
She lays like a ventriloquist's dummy, splayed out in the trunk

Just keep breathing baby, it'll be okay tonight
Once her body trembles, we'll all scream in delight
When her tears are spilling, we'll throw our ***** shillings
And celebrate gaily as we cry out in triumph daily,

"Clean streets, sobriety and unconditional artistry from a dog
Under my feet, like a genuinely unforgiving stone from a soft God
Water, be ******. Peace and all prosperity can come eat meat
From my hands. My rough palms tingling from the rain on this sheet.

Blotter, blotter. Let me corrupt your daughter. I know.
She was a soccer champion and now nothing but a ****** lost
Under a half-moon, harvest red, shining oh, so brightly in her head.
My men are out to get my money back but you won't notice the tools that they all lack.

Please go, and whitewash the teeth from the smile in the evergreen
Cheshire lies, untie this knot in my neck on my back, rebuff my sheen
Bumming for a smoke, hoping I will choke on it, *****, comets will rain for the death of beauty tragedy
Like the man before me, I'll be nothing but a veteran lost to prostate

Cancer. Answer me, my love. I'm ******. And it goes and goes and goes and goes and goes.

Who knows what grows, who is a bomb and calm as a Hindu cow?
Oxygen gets you high, you accept your fate
It's a good way to die but refrain from the urge to *******
I lie inside my mind ready to try again, depends
On if I come on too strong, it's been so long, so wrong to try and pick up on all these young ones.
It may be over for me but you can live out your life
And become something better than this high-
Way robbery
Of a child. So mild. Urbane."

And as she climbs out and fumbles, her body will crumble
Heels re-slit, we better fix it, get with it, the ball is still inside
Her mouth so she won't cry out so loud, oh why
Must we be doing this? I can't believe we're really going through with it!

My eyes are burning red and I can not help that this is dead
We came this far, don't back out on me now, anyhow the blood's on my hands
I demand answers! Why can't I hold the lantern? The car swerves
So just hold on tight, she'll blend in with the rain and mud tonight.

Don't worry, baby. Just keep driving to safety.
Just take a deep breath and sit still
Just shut up and keep your hands on the wheel
Every day this is how we feel.

And the only difference is I tell you.
(c) Ryan Bowdish 2010-2011
Mellow Ds Feb 2011
If you wanna get a good look
Here is the number... 666 oh 123
Im a joker, man, really. Its all a mind game,
So let us recalibrate the beat.

A man in a bar wound up in a storm
Where he felt nothing could go wrong
But any minute now we will generate a sound
That will keep the lonely man strung along.
Hes eating his own insides, acid diethylamide
Running from the bunkers into sands
Where the men who fire against him innovate a system
To blow him sky high into a fan.
It was always just a joke,  they tied him another rope
So they could keep his heartache in a single cell
No lights and no wires, the squealing of tires
Echoing in his head like bats of hell.
When his heart becomes released, hes cured of a disease
That only the lonely men in the world will know
And he can keep it in a jar, at the top of his tower
So he can prove it was never just for show.

If you wanna get a good look
Here is the number... 666 oh 123
Im a joker, man, really. Its all a mind game,
So let us recalibrate the beat.
A friend of mine wanted to have this one,
And I gave him a warning from the heart
They howl like hyenas and they drain out the sun,
They were raised this way from the start!

Walking from a hotel, escaping from a padded cell
A woman's eyes adjust to the sun,
She turns to a rainbow over a concrete meadow
And she proceeds, repeatedly to run.
A siren sounds and the pigs fly down
And loudly beat her into the ground
But when the people scream for sobriety,
They send in the special ops team.
She is rolled into the ER, her mind is spilling over
Her entrails, for halls, on the floor.
When the nurse comes out, she kicks and shouts
Because needles make her feel like a *****.
The man sits beside her, a wall is his divider
But his voice screams for him to be resumed
His will is awakened, the loathing is shaken,
And the wall, by his hatred is consumed.

Infraction distraction! A chemical reaction!
A busted heart writhing from a soul unspoken
Attacking the black team, the voices clashing
The bodies piling up and Pandora's  box is opened.
Ripping the cords from her face with his 4word letter grace
He sweeps her off the bed and hangs them by the head
Collides with a building with gold-tooth fillings
Blacksmith, locksmith, shadows in the distance
He turns into a red raw onion on its hind legs
Trying to jump a distance that he cant place
He reaches for a killer bee and instead holds ***
And the birds head changes to a woman's face.
He lingers for a second until the shadows blink
Then he runs into a river to stop and sink
It was there he designed a building of its own kind
Where the woman and him practice witchcraft and sleep.

If you wanna get a good look
Here is the number... 666 oh 123
Im a joker, man, really. Its all a mind game,
So let us recalibrate the beat.
A friend of mine wanted to have this one,
And I gave him a warning from the heart
They howl like hyenas and they drain out the sun,
They were raised this way from the start!
(c) Ryan Bowdish 2010-2011
Mellow Ds Feb 2011
Alleviate a misrepresentation done by an alienated tainted nation unstable unable to distill a thrill so full of life and underlying bites of lice and spices all lined up on the counter which slices all my toes into a loud and restless ghost from the coast to the bar room to where we keep the jar of fruit and peaches and human skulls.

I place your fingers on the table
Cornered like adjacent angles
Keep all your horses in one stable
And let the eyelashes all dangle.

Shouting all the answers into an empty can of no chicken noodle soup truly cooped up in my room because it seems to make no difference in the way I speak to my friends as long as they're right in the end, and I descend below the ranks as the one who makes a good point but you still want to **** yourself at the sound of his voice, no choice but to rid myself of the noise.

I place your fingers on the table
Cornered like adjacent angles
Keep all your horses in one stable
And let the eyelashes all dangle.

Your face echos like a long lost eagle in the chasm of a cliff filled with concrete, oh how evil is a lawn streaked with blood and guts and bones and ruts and pain and plucks of violin luck, honoring dishonoring never taken honestly, joyously devoid of these separated entities. Just back up for a second and speak, let me eat myself and weep, let me take my eyes out first so I can listen to your twisted verse

You drove my hearse! Clouds burst and from the sky comes a rain the color of your eyes and I don't know why I can't seem to clarify all the choices I have made in my past, mistakes and lies. I am nothing but a tool to make my own life much less hard to live and ever so slightly it takes me a bit **** this this **** is useless i dont even know why i ever ******* do this.

yet there's nothing wrong.

I place your fingers on the table
Cornered like adjacent angles
Keep all your horses in one stable
And let the eyelashes all dangle.
(c) Ryan Bowdish 2010-2011
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