9/20/2013
I want you, to want me,
The whole me.
I want you to know everything,
Even the bad stuff.
But I'm afraid you'll run away,
Or worse, just want to be my friend.
I need someone by my side,
To hold my hand,
To tell me it'll be alright,
To keep me strong when I am weak,
To keep my head held high.
I want that someone to be you.
I want to call you,
But don't wanna scare you away.
I don't know how to do this,
Please help me I'm trying.
What if you decide you only want a part of me,
Not the whole me?
I don't want to be alone,
When I'm so close to having you.
Can't you just understand,
Without me having to say the words?
But I feel you pulling away,
And I'm not sure why.
I don't know what I did,
Or why your suddenly unsure.
I want you to come back to me,
I want you, to want me.

You are my best friend,
my loyal companion.
My sunshine on a cloudy day,
My spark in a starless sky.

You are my worst enemy,
my biggest nightmare.
You betray me everyday,
you hurt me more and more.

You are my addiction,
My Frenemy.

This journey I'm leading keeps getting darker and darker,
My soul fading farther and farther.
The wrong choices,
The wrong attitude.
I feel of no purpose to anything...
Or anyone.
In fact, I don't feel much at all.
When the numbness subsides,
I awake only to feelings of disappointment and shame.
Disappointment that nothing has changed,
And shame for not trying.
When there's no one to lean on for help,
No one to talk to get it all out,
No one to tell you it's going to be okay,
And no one to love you when you're at your worst...
You fall.
Fall into a deep, dark, pit of hatred and loneliness,
With no will to claw your way out,
And no one to lend a hand to pull you up...
No one.

When life takes an ugly turn,
Hurting you more than you ever thought possible,
What happens next?
How do you slap life in the face and stand up tall?
How do you break the numbness, that never seems to go away.
How do you wipe the tears away, when they never seem to stop.
How do you tell yourself, that really... it will be okay.
I want to stop,
and listen to the birds sing their happy tune.
I want to stop,
and smell the flowers erupting through the air.
I want to stop,
and feel the sun radiating from my skin.
I just want everything to STOP.
Stop taking away pieces, when there's nothing left to give.
Stop stealing my tears, when you don't deserve them.
Stop stopping myself... from being happy.

Hello? Where are you?
Each day I lose more of you,
a part of me.
Pieces float right on by,
and I never catch them.
I miss that person,
so alive and outgoing.
But she's gone now,
hiding somewhere deep within,
trying to claw her way out from underneath
all the loneliness and pain.
Hello? Where are you?
Each day I lose more of you,
a part of me.

You carried me for nine whole months,
and that's longer than anything that has ever meant anything to me.
You've loved me for 28 years,
and you will love my own future children for at least 28 more.
You are my guiding light... my heart...
My only constant in an ever-changing world.
The one person I can always count on,
No matter how many bad choices I make,
or how wrong I do.
You love me like no other,
and hug me like only a mother can.
You listen when I need you to,
and scold me when I deserve it.
You understand when I'm hurting,
Because you feel it for me too.
I can't imagine my life without you Mom,
so please don't ever leave.
I love you Mommy,
Forever my Mother you will be.

Maybe its too much to ask to simply just be happy.

Maybe instead, we should be asking for more moments that make us smile:)

Even the strongest person needs help sometimes.
But what if there's no one there to catch you when you fall?

Pieces of your soul break that should never be broken...
Ridges edges leave scars wide open,
Never to heal.
Tears fall,
as they always do.
And still...
No one notices.