I am bending.
Being pulled from one direction
To the next.
Beaten senseless, wrapped around a system of confusion.
But I will not
Be broken.

Joy can be taken,
Given just as quickly
And easily.
Joy is timeless
And it is bliss.
It is hard to gain in a world like this.
Full of anguish
And pain.
And just as hard
To let go of
Once you have it.
Joy can hit you like a falling brick,
Or slip away like mountain rain through
Your heart.
And joy depends on the people around,
And the person you are.
Always allow people to bring you joy,
And never let anyone
Take it away.
Let it sink into you, make a mark into your soul.
Protect it from the minds of the wicked, and share it with the purest of hearts.
For it is joy that keeps us
From growing apart.

She blew the smoke from her lips beautifully and delicately, as if she didn't want it to break as it left her.
"So you just wanna talk?" She said pulling the cigarette away from her mouth and dipping it into the ash tray.
"Just talk," I replied. Calmly, soothingly.
"Alright Mack, you paid $2000 for tonight. Do you want me to talk to you naked or with my legs in the air?"
I smirked and shook my head.
"Just talk. Fully clothed."
She stared at me a long moment before lighting another smoke and taking another drag; she exhaled with just as much intensity. She looked at me, up and down. Her blue eyes taking in each detail.
She put the cigarette down for a moment and unfolded her long legs, and leaned toward me, clasping her hands together in her lap. The shadows from the lights outside the hotel room were moving with her face, until the light shone on just her right eye and the blonde bangs fell, hiding the rest of her expression.
"Why is it you paid for me tonight?"
"I wanted to get to know you."
She gave a humourless laugh, quick and almost painful to listen to.
"Did you wanna fix me or somethin'?"
"No," I replied. "Only you can do that."
She took that in, backing herself back up into the shadows.
"I have one question for you to answer. That's it."
"Really. That's it?"
"That's it."
She looked at me with eyes that changed. They had become sad.
"And what is it you want to ask me?"
I looked down at my intertwined hands and back at her. Into those beautiful, sad eyes.
"Why did you decide to make this your life?"
She didn't look taken aback by my question. She didn't even look phased. She looked as though she had been asked this a thousand times. Then, her eyes went back to being cold and dark. All traces of sorrow were gone.
"I had to. What's it to you?"
"Just seems someone with so much potential would go into school for being a doctor or a lawyer."
She smiled a sad smile. "How do you know what potential I have? Besides, I'm 33 and have the body of a 20 year old and I bet I make five times more then you do in an hour."
"You're probably right," I said nodding. I ignored her question about her potential. She already knew what she was capable of. She was just afraid of it.
I looked back up at her.
"But can I ask you something else?"
She was smoking once more. "I thought you said just one question."
"Enlighten me."
"Alright. What?"
"Do you love doing this?"
This time, she was taken aback by this question. She held the cigarette in her fingers, staring into the ash tray.
"No," she said quietly. "No, I don't."
"You don't have to do this, you know."
She shook her head sadly and looked out the window as she took a drag.
"It's not that simple."
"Why?"
She blew out the smoke and turned to look at me. A single tear falling from her eye.
"Because I am broken, and I can't fix me."

So let me go
In order to see
Just how much the hours
Days
Weeks
Years
Meant to you.
Because in a dash, you left me here
And now I'm crashing.
I'm searching for the trail that led you away, I'm looking for a reason.
Why didn't you stay?
You were gone like yesterday.
You meant so much, and now the space you've left here grows.
Was it me who made you go?
Oh - to hell with you!
Why didn't you just stay?

And for the first time,
I decided not to make my bed,
And let the sheets create a mountain
Instead of flattening out each crease until what I considered perfection,
Because who would see my work anyway?
And for the first time,
I let my hair fall without brushing it; I kept the hair tie in the dresser today.
I liked the stretch marks on my belly, and the laugh lines on my face. They made me feel wiser.
I smiled at the lipstick stain my two year old planted on the palm of my hand.
I did what I should have done a long time ago.
I let life in.

When all there's left is the broken pieces,
Of what you once were,
Of what you thought  you could be,
Remain
It's all you can do not to crumble
Let the rest fly away.
But if you have the strength to stand
I hope you last another day
And manage to grasp onto the hand
That believes in all you've done
In all you've achieved
And never took you for granted.
They are with you
Until you have won.

I  did a gig last night
at the local bar - Moderation Inn,
they called it

and  I played the piano
late into the night -
the usual tunes, the usual crowd:
friends and lovers
people talking aloud
no one who drank in moderation;
couples dancing...when I noticed
an elephant in the corner
crying,  
and I said to the elephant
even as I continued playing:
"Recognise the tune?"

"No,"  said the elephant,
shaking its head
*"I recognise the ivory"