He made me want to remember the moments that were slowly slipping away from me.
And keep them safe from the minds of the negative. The minds of those who’d try to comprehend the incomprehensible. Because love is such a delicate state now, yet I can’t seem to push it away from me.
It’s the way he’ll pull my face up, and make me look into his eyes. And tell me that no matter what is said, he will always believe I am beautiful. And I swear, that is enough for me. He’ll move my hair to see my imperfections and kiss them delicately to let me know that it’s alright to be flawed, and that he takes my flaws as he takes my strengths; openly with a warm heart.  And that will never change.
And I look at him, and I see that I want to be better because he’s there. I want to be better for him. I want to know how far this can go. I could have spent forever in his arms, and I know it’s a cliché, but if I had to choose between having today on repeat forever or having to move forward, today would be my final day. And I’d never cry again. Today, I felt true happiness with him.
And I will wonder how long I will have it for. But for now, I’ll keep it close to my heart. And remember that nothing can take away how happy he made me in the early hours of this morning.

The moment and the breath,
They collaborate. Collide.
In due time, this will subside,
Or so they say.
And we never got to say goodbye.
From where you see, you can reach us,
Feel the pain,
Touch our hearts.
We can’t reach back, and we wish you would have stayed,
Or we could go
To where you remain
Just to have more time with you.
It was much too soon.
It is always too soon
To never get the chance to hear your laugh,
Or see your smile,
Or hear what you have to say again.
But with this
Comes a sense of peace,
Knowing now you’re okay,
And you would want us to be okay.
You want us to remember
The smile, and the laugh, and the words
Because memory is what we can keep here.
Your life,
Our lives
Are all meant for something. For a reason.
And happiness is found within something more than just ourselves.
It comes from when we are all together.
But heaven called an angel home. And we’ll always question why.
Until we’re called. Until it’s our time. Until we’re ready to understand.
But we know it was for something. And most importantly,
We know you’re never going to be truly gone.

So keep smiling,
Keep laughing,
Keep teaching
Because though it’s tough to see right now,
You still are.
Always.

I’m just trying to find a point; a reason. I guess…period. That’s all I want. A reason for anything. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. My brain is just all over the place. Is this what it’s like to have gone mad? This consistent need to find out why I exist, why or if I even matter; one tiny life in a sea full of them. Why I’m getting hit with these waves of pain over and over, and why I can’t force it back, if only for a moment. I’m sure I matter, but given the current circumstances, it’s a little cloudy right now.

A safe haven is a place of comfort. A home. A place where love resides. A house is four walls; its brick and concrete. It is cement and it is drywall. It isn’t love, it isn’t trust. With the people that live there, it can still remain empty. I think I’d take the screaming and the yelling and the pain, then the emptiness. The walls, they don’t create a home. A fake smile loosely ties what we have left together. A hallow laugh rings longer, louder. This place is where screaming is silent, and only too real inside our minds. It’s a one man insanity show, yet somehow we all share it. A heart beat is a ticking clock, for when the next outburst will occur. This is where everything I knew of love fell to pieces, because of a substance. It can drown a family. It can tear them apart by tidal wives, sweeping depression and crashing anxiety. Fighting to the surface to escape embracing anger and hatred all too tightly, until you can’t breathe. Until it’s too much. To have it rip apart my home, my whole world, is something more than God intended for me to take.