I used to say that
I was only a creature of the day
despite my love for
the moons glow
I sent the night away
and now all I wish
to see
is the moon
I know

Blue lips
and I crashed my car on the on ramp
to the interstate

mountains
and cradles
and my eyes
which have retreated back
into my skull
because i can't sleep
with all of these polarities
running wild
in my mind

Your breath is sweet
like cherry blossoms
your words, branches
casting patterns of shadow
and light upon
me
a symphony
a song
a poem
a love note
kept away in
the top drawer
of a dresser
aging
waiting
to pour out
into some lucky
heart
to be pumped through my veins
like music
like a dance

never have I moved
with such love.

I am quite familiar with loss
but losing your love
is not something I wish
to ever know.

However
Any prose,
eloquent
it may be,
Is inadequate
In describing
Why one's
Heart beats

I want to
Throw seeds to the wind
And hope they land
S c a t t e r e d
Amongst your
Scars
I hope forests grow
Where there once
Was pain
And I hope the roots
Grow so thick
Writhing
living
Roots
I hope they grow so thick
That you'll never be touched again
And in under this thick canopy
I hope to hide
Save some safety

I'm always
teetering on
the edge of escapism
and the firm grounding
of an embrace

tiles
stacked in rows
of 3 or 4
dust and hair
collected
in a gallery of
memories
like finger
prints on the wall
from the time
you touched
so much more than
the front gates
and with love
lost
I cannot find
comfort
no safety of warm fires
and no protection from rain
just

my empty stomach
full hands

A drizzle, soft
touches the earth
with thousands of palms

A hurricane
with love held from
within the earth
can move mountains

I can only
hope to touch you
with such
dualities

I want
thousands of
beautiful words
to tumble out of my
mouth
to take
your breath away
to show you
what it is
I'm feeling
but every time
my chest inflates
with the thought of you
I have no words
at all.

It's the kind of
                 burn that
            sits                  waits
                 softly tearing
        at your
flesh
breaking
         a p a r t
tangles
of nerves
squeezingyour
sinking
                         lungs.
                             cornering a
                                  croaking   h e  a r  t.


back me into a
corner just to feel
warmth from my flame.

a window
with finger prints
and nose prints
from kids who
press their faces
to glass
and write novels
in the condensation
that collects
from your display
your body
their home
the place
the endless
question and answer
they want to know
your anatomy
your brain
they want to pick at it
like the three
day old scab
that sits just above
your brow
from being
attacked while
walking home from
the bar

but no!
oh god no!
they don't care about that.
they care about
whether or not you'll keep your *******.
as if they are their ******* to decide
they complain you're unnatural
they complain
that god made you this way

What I want to know
is where the
     *******
in the bible
does it say your body is a
                                             cage?

when birds begin to
lose feathers
they sit
in red
they wallow in home
in nettles
and leaves
and hair from brushes

they bathe in
bones
and rosewater

this morning
i tasted
purple and white
as the sun rose
and i watched
a coworker
pour 4
sugar packets
into their coffee
by 11 my veins were pumping
yellow
and black
i was buzzing
i was electric
driving home
at 90 miles
fueling flames
and taking names

by 3 my breath
stood idle
in red
dancing around the
start
waiting
waiting
and then by 4 my eyes
turned green
in pure bliss
bending
twirling
kissing
then with your
face to her ear


by 8
i dove into blue
i dove into black
when I remembered
sometimes I feel
there aren't any bridges here
for this gap

by ten
I turned off the lights
and sat
with the wings
you gave me
in my hand.

this gnawing
under my skin
to spend $400
on a one way
is driving me
nuts.

I know a man
who sleeps
with a chiquita
box
as a pillow
on auburn avenue
every day I pass him
at 11:00 alseep
in a nook
of the city
and sometimes
for a second
I think about
bringing him
food
or water
but
I tell myself
tomorrow

now I pass that building
his pillow
and blanket gone
and a hipster
juice store sign
is being pasted
on the window

I light
a cigarette
and smoke
one
I do not stop
and wait
for tomorrow

On those nights
That I dare
Sleep alone
I toss
Until my
Feet tangle
In my hair
My back bone
My wind earth
Air
Just missing
The fire
That once
Lay there

every day
i roll over
onto your
sweat soaked
side
of the bed
and i
remember
you thrashing
around
kicking
whimpering
all night
and every day
i wonder
why

my mouth
is
as green
as spring
but
that's not to
say that I
only speak
in tethered
tongues
and mindless
music

that's not to say
i haven't thought
thousands of
pretty
words
and then wrote
three
empty pages

that's not to say
i've held on to
dependent ideals
like ivy on the fence

it's really not
for you to
assume

ruffled curtains
and thousands of
cigarette butts
inside carved containers
lined up
stacked
in rows
crumpled into
callous faces
swept up
and uncovered

pusillanimous
hearts
and heavy lips
skinny coke
cheeks
and art
degrees

this performance
has been
your best
piece yet

create a message
and receive it the same

there's so
much
I have
to get
done
but
the only
thing I'm
good
at is
shutting

down

I've been putting my
2 year old knots
up in a bun
with the loose hair
falling out like
spider limbs
for a few weeks now
hiding
my strength
behind a scarf
and sunglasses
hoping that maybe this
will disappear and leave
me alone
even though
that is the last thing I want to be
I've been hiding from you
by sleeping with my back
to the sky
and my
face buried in the sand

and today
I've started
to actually
listen
when I think
and hear
what I pretend
when I speak

as your palms,
much like the ink pressed to my face,
melt and drip
all over the floor
leaving me in
such
       a lonely




          place.

condensation makes
me heavy
but I'm lucky
to have known
the rain

sunlight sunburns
and bruised cheeks
can kiss
until
cracks form along
my skin

but I'm lucky to have
felt
light

I'm so
          so
              blessed
to
constantly
feel so

                                      h e a v y
                                                     &
                                                           l i g h t

Even equilibrium
and equal weight

right brained
and left minded

light feet
but heavy hearted

tragic beauty
with uniform grisly grins

stuck
moving too quickly

poetic justice
and lyrical sin

I balance

the yin
             the yang

the pure
               the soiled

the fertile
                 the barren

the empty
and full






well...
at least I try

sometimes
i'm reminded
about the mineral
mounds within
my brain
and

sometimes
those reminders
are me running
off of the road
in hopes
to
die a
little bit
again.

sometimes
i dip my
hair in herbal
soaks
in hopes
of turning
into
crumbly
man made
nature
and putrid
performances
of morals

someone stepped on my neck
while I was asleep
and pushed
until my veins
to my brain
were nothing more than
pressed flowers between
chapters of some book
butchered

no blood in the pages
just oceans of emotion
and empty words
to be swallowed
swished around
tasted
spit out
and extracted to ultimate
pretention

melting
in warm waters
wasting away
to sin and bone
with you
and letting
life ebb
out of my mouth
gasping for
air
in the most
passionate
of ways

There is a light trapped in her room
Where old cigarettes stain
the yellow walls
With a putrid
placidity
Not natural
not her own
like the rows on her hips
that wont fade
or the love stuck
to her already puckered lips
she can talk
but wont quit

It's deeper than that
she says
yet the atmospheric
pressure is still
and her mind

chaotic

  calm

      chaotic

             calm



                       crash

I never had            rose petals
placed in my head
or a *******
                         sappy romance
just concrete
bricks
scraping my back
every time your
body
tensed up and swayed
the thoughts
the dead leaves
left alone
to wash down
the drain or
sink into the Earth

I often wonder how
it would've been if
I had
tried to say no
instead of not saying
yes

If I could I'd
walk away
And I wouldn't even
think
twice
if I could I
would let go of
my heart
Because I know it
feels too much
For every
dying being around
Me (they are really just
Pests)
But for some
Reason I like
Malnourishing
My heart
for some reason
I like
to hurt
And maybe
Just maybe
In 23 hours
I'll be able to
Leave
To walk away from
You

Its more likely
that I wont

"Try it out." he said
And my stomach
tangled with my brain
hunger
consumed me
but not the other
way around

we had always been
unvarnished
and mostly untouched
but then
I crept into the
basement of my
halfway thoughts
and there I wished
to hear him
one more
time

but I knew
his pale,
blue moon voice
had been lost
and I knew
the past could
only feel good once
and cigarettes couldn't
be smoked twice

I knew better
but still
   it came as such a surprise
that each fraudulent feeling
wouldn't seep the same
and even through
your stumbling words
I could tell
that you meant
well

he's a mouth breather
         with thick thoughts
               sinking in his brain
        and a tide that pushes
       him out
      then pulls him back
     again
He's a tongue tied
            trickle of conciousness
                  and a cigarette stain
Naturally numb,
                         jaded,
                                 and cracked.
                                    Broken goods
                             and no way
                         to revert
                      back.
A product of pressured pleasure,
the American man,
for he is a mouth breather
born into a can
             soaked in sour
                    preservatives
and sent off to
school in mom's minivan

still
      bleeding
like the Earth seeps
carbon carriers
losing air
and trying to fill my
lungs deeper
fuller
trying to
take a look at what
love means
just to catch a glimpse
just to feel
the clutches of
a warm-hearted
half ***
idea of forever
to whisper
3 words
3 syllables
to actually mean it

to hold it in my hands
and watch the warmth melt
freeze
repeat

what is it like?
to hold this
fraudulent thought
in your head for so long
what is it like to
find that forever just walks
                                                                             away?

I'm sorry
and I wish I meant it
It really ***** that your cozy,
cushy life here wasn't what you needed
but I already knew that
I already knew we were just a way
for you to get by
That my dad meant nothing to you
Now you have to work for yourself
and I bet
you
regret
it
don't you?

my teeth crumbled
                        and
                      tumbled out of my mouth
      moon mask
why do you
bleed     green                blood?
              manifested
                lumps in my veins
    time can only tell
how    long        death              might                              take

You know those moments
Where your heart sinks into your
Finger tips and
Seeps from your eyes
And your stomach is thrown
in every direction
Rattling around in your emptiness
In darkness
in cool
wet complacency

Those moments when your mind magnet
Sticks to every minute
Detail
every smirk
and every imperfection
created by the human hand

When
Every anxiety
every foul taste
And putrid smell
Rush through your body all at once

Maybe my words are too thick
Maybe I call you out too quick
Maybe my stucco sticking dreams
Aren't all that I really mean

Maybe my perspective is rotten

Puckered lines
Filtered out time
And a somber soul to face
Throw me in a tin can
Drown me in preservatives and peace
Comfort in inertia
Comfort in complacency
Comfort in a numbing confidence
that some how it'll work out
Wait
For change that's running
running
away

God isn't a face
isn't a finite place
no bird by mouth
or word by flight
quit trying to fit the universe into your shoe box
darling and          

through energy in the simplest of ways
started light in days.

Moon beam did you see
me in your dreams
for darling I don't understand
these
things

There are so many names
But all lack the mass
To stand above
Oceans and
crash
rebuild
crash.