I want a happily ever after

I yearn for it, the missing piece to my
Entirely complex life puzzle

And every single time I think I may have found it
I'm wrong

I just want to be right for once

You keep telling me to call it
"Say when"
But it's 4am and I'm still imagining
You trailing kisses up my thighs
Because you put the image there to begin with

I guess we've flipped roles.
You used to be the lion,
And I used to be the lamb
But I'd consume you before
I let this die

I'm not strong enough to call it.
You already know that.

It would really be something,
If these love letters
Became the start
Of everything
Real

You sounded like a little kid
When I was telling you to
Figure it out

Because it hurts you to be doing this
As much as it hurts me.

It's alright, if you want to let go.
All good things must end,
Right?

It's still always going to feel like a
Breakup

A rose by any other name, right?
That's what Shakespeare said, anyway,
In that one really epic story
About toxic love and how
Both people just die at the end
Anyway

Of course you're hurting my feelings.
You know you are.
It's the asking that makes it worse.
Because we both know it will never
Be a thing
And I have always wanted it to
Far more than you.
Because there's something just *******,
I dunno,
Romantic about the idea, isn't there?
Dropping everything and starting over
With someone that knows exactly the mess
You really are?

It's why I fall in love so often,
Dear one. It's why I try so hard.
I'm constantly chasing the feeling
That I know I can't get
Anywhere else
But here.

It's why when you're suddenly around when
My life is going to shambles, I blindly
Grasp at this last straw of creativity
Because this is where I find
My soul

But I don't want to break her heart.
And you don't belong to me.
And you never will.
We both know it.

But it still hurts just the same,
Doesn't it?
Whether it's real or just a facade

"You'd be my first pick."
Man I'm always dumb enough to fall for the lines,
The ways their eyes crinkle when they smile,
The lustful flirtations that fuel the very deepest broken part of me.
          I just desperately need to be wanted
I guess I should know better by now,
as many times as I've spun this wheel,
That it's always more of the same stupid games that never make sense.
          I don't think I've ever really been worthy of love
I should have figured you out from the rip, I'm so good at boys like you,
The ones that don't know how good they are because they wear their brokenness like an impenetrable armor,
I'm so good at loving you
          I don't know why I'm still just not good enough
"What've I said about degrading yourself with words?"

If the universe grants me peace, and when it finally does
I guess I'll know the truth of it, the lessons from what was.

If my body grants me health, and when maybe it finally will,
I'll try my best to keep it up, to keep from feeling ill.

If this Earth should grant me love, and when it finally comes
I hope I'll keep my wits this time, and relish in what it becomes

And if this life should grant me time, and when it finally ends
Just know that I've enjoyed myself, my family and my friends.