The funniest thing is

You'd probably know that all these poems
Are about you

And you have the key to open them.

You would know me inside out
If you'd ever turn the key

You wanna do something really lame

And fall in love

And succeed at everything

And stay home in our safe space

Where the worlds we discuss are enough muse

To keep me writing forever

I will probably always be a little ****** up

And unlovable

I didn't have good role models,
I learned love in the front seat of a truck
On back roads screaming to songs
That mirrored the beat of my heart against his

I learned love in toxic waste,
In hatred for myself
In anger for the world around me

I learned love in falsehoods
Drive by robbery
Bombs where poems should be

I learned love in the eyes of a child
Who never asked for any of this
Whose heart shatters the same way mine did
And I can't protect him either.

I learned love in protection
Building walls, building castles
I am not Rapunzel, my hair is not the key
Prince Charming does not exist

I'll probably always be a little ****** up

And unlovable.

I have been locked inside, kept small for far too long, that any opportunity seems like the best one

So I grasp at straws, holding on like flotation devices, please just pull me back to shore

I can't breathe, underwater, unloved, a constant reminder
That maybe "good enough" is all I'll ever get

Second choice, second chance be ******

I can only do so much on my own
The growth doesn't matter when it's just centimeters
The achievements are nothing when the people who are proud of you are obligated

I don't want to just be an obligation

So throw me a bone,
I'll hold onto it like it's my last shot,
One last shot, one last try,
Please for the love of all the Gods,
This can't be all there is

I may not be your forever

But I will haunt your dreams
I will be the thing that you find yourself
Going back to in your thoughts
The thing you ****** up
The thing you forgot was the most important
The thing you couldn't prioritize over yourself

I may not be your soulmate

But my soul shines so brilliantly, your life will be dark without me
I will continue to burn brilliantly while you flicker out
The thing that you realize you cannot live without
The eternal flame that kept your house and heart warm

I may not be the answer to your questions

But I was the solution to your problems, the builder, the caretaker, the mother, the life giver.

And it would do you well to remember.

I'm exhausted

Like, getting out of bed is something I regret
Like, my bones literally hurt along the edges of all of my joints and my back is on fire
Like, going to work fills me with a dread I can't even explain

I'm tired

Like, I didn't ******* ask to do this life alone
Like, I never wanted this life to begin with
Like, I sometimes want to just throw in the towel

And I'm ******* sad

All the time, always
I can't catch a break, no matter how much I work
I get so sick of watching people treat others like absolute ****
I get so upset when all that spews from people is hatred