You didn't call yesterday,
And you won't call this weekend
Because you're in her house all shacked up and cozy
Beating off to the god complex in your own head.

I hate you as much as I love you,
And it hurts too much to keep it in existence
Outside of this URL.

You know I'm the only person that you can even tell half the truth of the psychosis to. But in the end,
You can't love me like I need.
And we both need to be honest about this trainwreck before it comes off the rails.

I've been chasing the feeling of being alive for longer than I can remember being happy

And there are moments, of course, where I glimpse it,
Where the monotony of life doesn't drag me under in its endless depths
But it seems so fleeting lately, that it's hard to remember.

And I know, I know, I put all of this energy in seeking it in all the wrong places. I should probably got get on a ******* roller coaster or something,
Instead of riding...
This ******* downhill battle

But the funny thing is, I do love and value myself. It's not that I don't. It's not that I don't know my own worth.

It's just that the two sides of me are a double edged sword. And I'm always ******* myself up in the end,
It's just too sharp.

I say too much, I try too hard. I'm a ******* mess. And I probably always will be. I don't know how to put the mask back on anymore.

Part of me wants it to **** you
That someone else's head was between my legs
That someone else's name was on my lips
That my fingers tangled in someone else's hair

Part of me craves that little spike of jealousy
Because of what it means otherwise.