I was never allowed to be damsel in distress.
Not allowed to be swallowed by terror and misery.

If I wanted something done, if I wanted to break out of the dungeon, if I wanted to fight for my life,

I had to do it myself.

For a decade, I swung wildly, beheading friend and foe both, screaming through the noise in my head and the blood in my mouth.

And then he came. And then he saw. The bodies, the mess, the blood and tears.

And he put his hand on the scabbard, disarming. He puts arms around me, disarming. He whispers away the demons, disarming.

I was never allowed to be damsel

Until a knight appeared.

You don’t know

That I trace

Three words

On your back

In every language that I know

So that it sinks into your skin,

So that your soul knows before your ears ever do

I thought I was goddess

Worshipped, desired, wanted

Beautiful, powerful, divine

I was reminded again that I
Will never be
Anything

I am so sick of men
ruining
Love and lust
Promising
Devotion and Desire
Giving
******* and lies

It is Friday night and the only ***** getting licked is Loki, the orange tabby at the end of my bed.

I’ve gotten used to the monotony of sleepwalking through life, graveyard shift be ******

Every time I reach for a flicker of something of anything
All I get is burned

So I trudge and ignore the glances and find my chargers and cry in the shower.
So I blister and bruise and bend and break time and time again
Just to be wrong
Just to always be wrong

“It’s Valentine’s Day, that’s why we don’t have school.”

“Nobody actually gives a **** that it’s Valentine’s Day, kid. I love you, but it’s not a real holiday.”

I used to write love letters. Now I don’t write at all.

Is this another lesson?

How to rip my insecurities open one by one
Dig into the wounds and twist the knife
Examine just how much I squirm under
Scrutiny

I thought this would be healing.

Finally, a cure to a problem I never caused,
The answer to a question I forgot I even asked
The years of searching for a reason nullified
Real

And instead

I’m questioning reality, if I learned anything
At all