i wish i could cut my head open
to fix these broken things
crack this damaged skull
cut off these toxic strings
lobotomy
to fix the broken mess i am
lobotomy
to make myself believe i can
...live

living through the scary parts
depression is a “work of art“
a normal life is all i need
i want the plants, don’t have the seeds
all i see is black and white
lead the way, show me the light
lobotomy
to treat all of my suffering
lobotomy
to turn this winter into spring

time is
going by so fast
what can i do
to make the moments last
moments so shaping
the memories escaping
they made me who i am today
never the same as yesterday
who will i be tomorrow

feels like it was the other day
me skating down the streets
early summer evenings
getting tucked into the sheets
mom sang a sweet lullaby
from jumping fish and clouds so high
those happy days were long ago
not worrying about how life will go
how it will be tomorrow

i miss
goodnight songs to sleep
remember those nights
where i used to count sheep
now all i do is overthink
sometimes don’t even dare to blink
because as soon as my eyes close
i see the things i miss the most
what will it be tomorrow

when i’m in my bed
at night
lay my head down
cut the light
i hear oh every sound so loud
like thoughts of things that i once vowed
i hear the TV making noise
low self esteem of girls and boys
i hear my neighbors listening
to music i could never sing
i hear the frogs down at the lake
the calming noises that they make
those noisy nights keep me awake
please fall asleep, give me a break

i don’t know why i’m crying over these stupid feelings
overwhelming wave of emotions
just a chemical reaction
i don’t know why i’m chasing after something nonexistent
waiting for fantasy to become reality
just a mind full of dreams