My loneliness is self imposed
I try to escape, yet the door remains closed
The walls I've built up keep me grounded
As I take sanction in the fact I'm surrounded
There's no on to blame for the demise of my soul
Alone and isolated, my heart devours me whole
Constantly searching for something to numb the pain
Yet nothing dulls the thoughts racing through my brain
Hopelessly I long to be proven wrong
For someone to pick up my pieces and carry them along
No matter the wishes, I remain alone
For who I really am remains unknown
I hide, halfheartedly, behind a broken facade
Seclusive, elusive, its myself I evade
Secretly hating all who claim to love me
Yet still I hide in the shadows, allowing no one to see
For no one can handle my distorted senses
In order to protect them, I put up my defenses
In a world of shallow thinkers, I sink to the floor
Blending in with my surroundings, its myself I abhor
Yet I can't contain the longing in my soul
To find someone who fits the missing piece, making me whole

I long to feel
Yet my emotions remain stagment
Out of touch with whats real
Unable to piece together the fragments

Waves crashing
Onto powerful mountains
I long to be there
So minuscule in comparison
I don't amount
I need not
For I become one with the wilderness
The silence is all I hear
Loudly
Calling me closer
I'm on the shore
The waves lapping at my toes
Always
My mind exists nowhere else
I am the powerful mountains
I am the savage waves
I am the tall red wood trees
Rooted to the ground
Thriving from the very dirt
My branches stretch out to the sky
Reaching
They intertwine with my being
The silence is a symphony
Awakening my inner self
Allowing freedom
From the dull noise of life
Droning on
At times it is too much
I reach the verge of submission
Then
Crash
The waves break my trance
For a moment
I'm brought back
To my sanction

You vanished, into thin air
Leaving behind the perfume of despair
The scent still lingers, taunting my senses
Scarred by your impact, I leave up my defenses
You evaporated, your mirrors turned to smoke
It was not untill your absence that I finally awoke
Now I fear I shall never rest soundly
For when I close my eyes your presence surrounds me
As you take form as a thought in my head
I constantly retrace the words I wish I said

Only in utter darkness is one able to fathom light
Only in utmost despair can one comprehend happiness
So alas I live in a dark dreary room
With the shades drawn, creating a dismal air
Encompassing all I have both loved and despised
Creating the prefect backdrop to illuminate light

Thoughts racing
Faster faster
Until they meet
A beautiful disaster
Open conclusions
Creating an illusion
Vanishing doubt
For a moment
Diffusion
Reality becomes diluted
Dreams are substituted
In order to hear
The world must be muted
Silence
Tune out the violence
Mindlessly thinking
Treading contradictions
To keep from sinking
Ideas constantly interlinking
Forming thoughts
Which is where I'm caught
Trying to decipher what is
From what's not

Your blinded by beauty
Clinging to a false sense of dignity
Wrapped up in your self centered vanity
Transfixed by a pretty picture of reality

The respect you claim isn't rightfully yours
As your shallow insight fits to society's words
For a face like yours should be insured
By the materialistic means which bind you to this world

Seeking refuge in what appears before your eyes
You inner self is what you despise
For your definition of beauty is based upon lies
As your falsehood erodes you shall meet your demise