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I don't sleep.

I pace.
I ponder.
I plan.
I plot.
I worry.
I wonder.
I wax.
I wane.
I relive.
I rethink.
I rehash.
I regret.
I contemplate.
I evaluate.
I deliberate.
I ruminate.
I analyze.
I strategise.
I dramatize.
I fantasize.
I brood.
I delude.
I stress.
I obsess.
I oppress.
I'm a mess..

& I don't sleep.
flesh and bones
all that could be seen
ruins in the making

the words cut deep into her soul
so she ripped it apart
fragments of memories
lost forever.

an eternity
wouldn't be enough
words were left unsaid
she was gone.
Jealousy crept upon me
like a poisonous acid
I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t help it too.

All that friendship and love
destroyed in second
just because of a tiny grudge?

I couldn’t understand it
and neither could anyone else
why was I so irritated?
why was I so rude?
everything was crude.

I knew I was causing a hard time for her
but I simply couldn’t stop,
whenever I saw that overly perfect face
My body somehow conjured extreme hate.

She wasn’t the problem, it was I,
I, a person who didn’t feel good enough
for the world, for my love
this feeling of despise was spread from my feet to my scruff.

Alas, I still haven’t gotten rid of this feeling
and inside me, my heart it is peeling
Maybe she won’t remain so perfect anymore?
or maybe I will turn sore? who knows.
Both of them were perfect for me
'You're beautifully insane'
'You're insanely beautiful'
I chose the one whose existence mollified this feeling of ugliness seeping into me
fickle beings
cold hearts
Sleepless nights
passing cars

Purple bruises
Pale faces
White lies
empty spaces.

— The End —