Someday,
we are going to be looking back at yearbooks,
notes we've written,
other cursed things from the high school years,
and we will find something,
that reminds us of that girl.
We are either going to laugh,
or cry,
or set the thing on fire.
And my god I hope it's all three.

I can't even count
the number of times
I have been told
"You're too nice"
"You're so sweet"

In the last 24 hours
I've even gotten the
"You're my favorite person"
and
"I admire you"

Now don't get me wrong
I'm not really complaining
But when you say
"You're too nice"
Six. Times. In. A. Row.
That's where I draw the line

F is is for friends and friendly

The dark smudges under my eyes
are chronic
from never sleeping quite right

The fat on my hips
is chronic
from not treating my body right

The cuts on my hand
are chronic
from being nervous

The contents of my head
are chronic
from never forgetting and worrying

I memorized the times of the last messages
And the words we had exchanged
I didn't find the irony in the last text until years later
You would have found it funny
But it's funny in such a morbid way
I bet you're still mad you can't text back
I bet you're still mad we didn't get to finish our duel
Someday we'll get to finish it
And I promise that I will win

(Do I even need to write this one? We all know who it's going to be about)

I kept the bracelets
And I kept the rose
Each the match to what you will have eternally

I watch your favorite shows
And I tell your old jokes
Because then it feels like you're around

I've written you letters
And visited you
But I know that won't bring you back

I hold on tight to the memories
And make friends with your friends
We will keep you alive forever

Someday when we meet again
And you call me Rika
We will share stories between laughter and tickles

We will be ninjas
And it will be just like what you "trained" me for
Except this time when I ask if you are dead you will spring back up, ready   for another round of running and silliness

Until then I will look back at pictures
And I will read the old messages
(Except for the ones that my phone auto deleted)
Everything will be okay... and we wear our pearls

Let's go back to the questions
    to not knowing each other but wanting to so badly
Let's go back to nonsense conversations
    to not having any pressure to be anything, do anything
Let's go back
      
But we're just friends now
     and that's okay because that's what we agreed on
But it still hurts
     and I think we can agree on that too
But I don't know where we stand
     and we walk a thin line of the boundaries we never talked about

I still love you
     just not in the same way
I still think you love me
     just not in the same way
I still believe that that summer was great
     just not what we expected it to be and not something we can go back to

All we really want back is a sense of normal
                     A sense of love