The world is full of sinners
cleverly disguised as saints.
And this room is full of kids
who just can’t seem to wait.

As I think these things
the reality sinks in deep.
But I've no clue how to to react
so I just stare at my feet.

How far have I walked in my life?
Were those just my last steps?
Is this what I’d hoped for?
To be stuck in my own head?

To twist and turn around my thoughts,
until I’m dizzy down on my knees.
To squirm around like a fish out of water
until I've lost the will to breathe.

Or had I hoped for a resolution?
Some great thought to stop my tears.
Or maybe a purpose to hold on to,
that could carry me through the years.

I guess I just wanted somewhere to belong;
a place to share my point of view.
But even that is not right
because all I really wanted was you.

Have I told you about the way
your heart sounds like the wings
of the butterflies in my stomach when I see you?
Or how your teeth shine like
ivory piano keys when
you say nice things to me?
But they’re crooked boards
in a sinking room when you
scream words that make my ears hurt.
The one’s that turn my butterflies
into stinging bees and
make my emotions rise to my throat.
But I wouldn't give
any of it up.
Because bees make honey.
And you can hide secrets
under the floor boards.
And that’s worth a million
stupid piano keys.

I want to go
Back to the place
Where we first met

Because I’m feeling sentimental
In a good way
Without all those regrets

The ones that keep
Me awake at night
Make my bones crack

With their crippling nostalgia
That constantly reminds me
You’ll never come back

My mind is a
House settling in summer
While humid air invades

As I wave goodbye
To my fleeting sanity
And termites chew away

Back to the destination
That was a secret
Until we got there

And the soccer goals
And a piggy-back ride
And cold winter air

But then you said
Your tunnel’s light faded
Some time in June

But all I remember
Is a baseball field
stars and the moon

And I must wonder
Did your bones crack
As mine do now

And did they cave
In on your soul
With crushing hollow sounds

I can whistle all I want, but you’ll never be here again like you said in my dreams.

     "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
     Now that you’re gone, who can I trust.”

There are still pieces of my inner poet hanging on, but most of them died with you.

     "Has the dawn drawn any nearer? You’ve been too many days without the sun.
     A stranger stands in your mirror,  falsely content with all he’s become.”

I always thought that if one of us were to actually go through with it, it would be me.

     “Tainted blood like a river flows, a steaming pool of red bordeaux."

But it was you. And truthfully, it’s always been you.