and when I listen to
that song
I remember two am
distressed and alone
staring at the blackness
outside my window
piano keys echoing hollowly
throughout the
dimly lit room
man of a thousand faces
she sings
I have a thousand faces too
for a thousand different people
each one emerging
depending on who you are
I cry about those things too
smiles at the moon like he knows her
she sings
how many people
are companions with the moon
how many of us
alone
frightened people
converse with a celestial sphere
night to night
are you scared too
I ask
do you understand
I feel so alone
I whisper to my empty room
hello
can you see me as I see you
what of the twinkling stars
do you love me
as I love you
how many people
addicts insomniacs and brokenhearted
have loved you
moon
I believe everyone
has long forgotten
true sanity
come stay awake with
me
feel as I feel
can you
at one
two
three
four am
stay with me
please

I still remember the sound of you
and the feeling of your fake nailed fingers
combing through my knotted hair
as an angry storm shook
feeble white shutters
the day of your funeral
the beach was at low tide
and I took the shattered clam shells
and heaved them calmly into the water
as the sun shine down
inappropriatly joyful
I came up to your casket
and tears streamed down my young face
I wanted to hold your folded hands
and shake you awake
you smelled like nothing
no longer the smell of your vanilla lotion
we visit your gravesite
and stand quietly
doing the happy reminiscing
that seems so fake
to remember so real of a person
I love you
I'm thinking of dying my hair
to match yours
I can still remember you teaching me piano
and your laughter ringing through the house
please come back

Our love was a scrapbook
you took pictures of everything
you said you loved the freckle on my jaw
or my fingers that never stopped moving
do you remember when we went to the park
and you told me that
the wildflowers dulled in comparison
to my lips?
I remember kissing your forehead
and the tips of your fingers
as you told me your secret plans
to invent a guardian
for all the sad children
when you told me you loved me
the hairs on the back of my neck stood up
and my mind stopped functioning
I loved you quietly
with happiness thrilling in my bones
but now you have left
moved away
and sorrow has filled the space
your arms made around me

There is not much poetic about you
but you are a good hearted person
and these types of people are rare
you bring out guffawing laughter
from a mind familiar
with sadness
you picked me up
and squeezed the air from my lungs
and as I noticed my ribs shift about
I felt as though I might crack in your arms
you have kept me laughing
and so I am thankful

I cannot forget
the indent your arms made
around me
and the shade of your eyes
a gleaming ocean
I spilled my tears
onto your jacket
and they spun themselves down
fleeting on brown leather
I held you tightly
and you responded the same
you were a rock
to grasp onto
so thank you
for helping me survive

But I realized one night
staring into a fire in the middle of the mountains
that we are all fire sparks
small and gleaming
shining desperately
to illuminate the darkness
suffocating us
rising higher
striving to be the brightest
to **** in enough life
to gleam
in the the entrapping ink
of life

my words are fumbling
a desperate collision of stops
and starts
as I try to capture the beauty
that lies in your smile

I like the smell of old yellowed books
and staying up until three
in the morning
I drink coffee and tea
and paint my nails
a drunken red kiss
the surface of broken oyster shells
makes me smile
and I love those summer storms
that thunder and drizzle all day
I find elegance in mirrors
and in faded photographs
I really enjoy the sounds of hands
typing on a keyboard
I observe more than I let on
and I guess I'd just like to say
hello

I am hollow like the fragile bones
of birds soaring through the sky
I am numb as the anesthetics used in a surgery
I am quiet yet loud
I contradict myself
from my words and my thoughts
will you still love me when I break
time and time again
will you still kiss my lips
when I retreat into myself
to escape the pain I have seen
the pain I have experienced
I put my thoughts to paper
because my mind is to cluttered to hold them
thoughts spill out in a furious waterfall
of unspoken words
from my closed mouth
will you
will you
see the world as I see it
sit back and observe
the complex emotions, stories, lives
of human creatures
my mind never stops
rambling
I go on and on
I have nothing to say
I have said to much
I am not perfect
I am flawed and misused
I wish to inspire brilliance
but I do not know what to say
take my words away from me
do not do so
I may suffocate and die
I do not know what to say
have I said to much
of pointless things
I have said to little
I like to question the universe
rambling on
will you still care for me
with the invisible tear tracks
on my cheeks
or my uneven teeth
and my eyes that are to large
or do you even exist
will you care for me if you
are not real
this is it
I have lost my mind
bury me with patchwork canvases
of art from long lost lovers
this makes no sense
I make no sense
common sense is creeping into
my raging brain
I need to go to sleep

A teacher died at our school today
and tears dropped from black lined eyes
the chapel was full of
somber human creatures
praying without noise
sniffles thundered the heavy silence
everywhere I looked were red
swollen glossy eyes
and blank
pained expressions of sorrow
water fell down on ripe grass
cascaded down cheeks
and spilled off of noses
choked voices cracked liked fractured bones
the priests voice wobbled
a loose stool leg
as he recalled visiting her in the hospital
stranding strongly at the podium
tales of her existence  bloomed out of mouths
and watery laughter could be heard
from the classrooms
I
a lowerclassman
watched indifferent
yet silent
embracing my older friends silently
as they cried
we came together as a family
to remember a wonderful woman
Mrs. Hansen
may you rest in peace