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Megan Mae Feb 2013
I don't know what you expect.
Not sure if you have a plan,
but you just came back into the act
as if you never left

as if you never skipped a beat

You sit there with your smiles
your charms all wild and free
as if you think you could steal me back.
as if you never lost

as if you never skipped a beat

What makes you think you're so free?
Why must you act so coy and charming
as if you think you're the greatest of them all
as if you're perfect

as if you never skipped a beat

Well guess what, you're not,
You're just the past trying to break free
I'm finally happy with who I am
I'm finally happy with my prince

because you have no beat
Megan Mae Feb 2011
What starts out as a simple night,
'Hey, wanna chill for a bit?' turns around.
It was just a movie, I thought, no harm no foul.
But sitting on my bed, we got rather close,
And still I wasn't worried, until your arm
Draped over me. How warm, inviting....
You're so comfortable and firm,
Your arms are so welcoming...
Your tongue brushes against my ear, your breath my neck...
How does a hug turn into something more?

A slow movement of your hand,
From my back to my shoulder, then lower,
'Till some how I am pressed against the wall
With your hands at my sides pulling me close.
Your eyes kiss me first, your nose gives me a peck,
God those kisses are the worst... Leading me to long
Just for those lips of yours. But Lord your touch...
Your eyes kiss my cheeks, my lids, my lips,
Just as your hands reach my hips, my *******.
How did a Hug turn into something more?

My God, the heat that inflamed the room,
And its just your body pressed firmly against mine,
Your hands squeezing, touching, memorizing...
You let my hair down, I simply can't stand the heat,
You spare me with your free hand, knotting its fingers
In my hair and pulling my head back. Now I can't see.
But your lips start to dance along my shoulders and neck,
Your teeth tap and slide along the bone and flesh.
Your hips grind up with mine as your hands continue their play,
How does a hug end up this way?

Before long your lips are with mine, your fingers tangled with mine.
Not to much after my blouse becomes a hassle,
And you fling it from my body soon to be joined by my bra.
I watch in awe as your eyes kiss my chest, before you
Kiss your way down to the peek of my *******.
Your hands and your tongue are skilled assassins to me,
I can't fight, I can't hide, and honestly I don't want to.
Not to long till we are both naked on my bed,
How did a hug turn into so much more?

Your teeth tease my skin, nipping playfully at my *******,
Your hands creep between my thighs, I'm running out of breath...
I can feel you up against my leg, pulsing, dying so far away;
You have to be the gentleman now of all times?
Your hands once again at my hair, pulling my head back
Just to reach my neck, your hand playing between my legs.
It took to long, it felt like ages before you joined me,
No music, no background helped keep us in time.
All the while we danced entwined, Your eyes never left mine.
How did a hug become something more?

Fireworks, Flame throwers, a waterfall of colors,
The night had passed and I'd not seen it coming.
You had wanted to leave hours ago, had we danced so long?
You don't want to leave, you keep kissing my mouth,
Begging and pleading to let you stay, if only for an hour.
We are friends and nothing more, and yet here we are again.
How on earth, I ask again, did one hug, turn into something more?
self explanatory
Megan Mae Jan 2011
Don’t you ever think its strange,
How personal a thing can be
but is so distant once on paper?
I used to be hurting, too much to speak,
And yet this one poem from years  ago
Rang out to me. It told me to keep my head
Held high and keep pushing through.
But I can remember at the time, my life
Felt as if it were going to end.
Broken hearts soon mend, true they echo hard
But they soon are filled in with sweeter men.
Still, don’t take caution to the wind, you’ve learned
A lesson once, don’t fall for it again.
You don’t want to look back at two poems written
For the same pain, when it could have been easily
Avoided. Yet hell no don’t hold back, let yourself
Be free; hold your head high and keep breathing.
Its finding the healthy in between that’s the hardest
Part. But that’s all part of the roller coaster ride.
Keep healthy, stay safe, don’t fall down if you
don’t expect to get right back up, always keep
bandage’s handy for those times you get scrapes
and always keep that smile on your face,
Cause trust me, reading what you once were
Can lead you to what you will be,
Broken hearts mend and sweet hearts send a
Shiver down your spine. Just be sure to keep
That head high and don’t scare them off too quickly.
Don’t you ever read something you wrote and wonder
Whether it’s ending the way it started?
Megan Mae Jan 2011
How does this happen,
Again and again?
I don't try to do it,
I can never win.
I honestly watch out,
I'm careful and proud,
But still i end up falling-
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I'm sick of the heart ache,
I'm tired of the pain.
I want it all washed away
In the thundering rain.
Why can't it be easy
IS THIS JUST A GAME?
My poor heart is broken
they have no shame.
My hearts not been whole
For quite some time.
Been broken to pieces
Dropped on a dime.
Why do I keep doing this,
Will I ever fracking Learn?
My heart should be locked up
All those cruel men should BURN!
They trick me and treat me like i'm one of the best,
Then reach in my throat and pull my heart from my ******* chest.
Just beat me and kick me and tie me in chains
You honestly can't hurt me, no matter the pains...
For now my heart is locked up
You'll never see it again.
Not even will it peek out for even a friend.
For i've been fooled to many times,
I'm so heart sick looking for love to be mine.
So fragile, so eager, I don't want to be alone-
Yet here i am hitting every fracking stone.
Frack Really I did it again?
When will my heart learn it never will win.
Forget all the sighing, forget all the thieves of hearts.
Put ice on the bruises and wrap all the marks.
I'll never let any one else in again,
Why must I fall for you...over and over again...
- From Slipping Heart
Megan Mae Dec 2011
It hurt, my friend, I don't know why
but when I showed you my new found pride
you asked quickly of my minds state and why.

Drunk? Me!? No! This symbol simply proves so.
I'm viewed as average, not good enough.
Just this shows my inner pride.

It helps me knock those comments made by those
on the other side of the glass...
so why must you make one just as crass?

I will prove to you, one I once knew well,
that I'll shed and change - that way easily then
can I reveal just how beautiful a Swan I really am

I'll fly away and soar above your petty comments,
Friend? You were the one who grew distant,
you were the one who couldn't see past the dirt.

Yet here I am, my wings expanded,
Everything changing around me and fast...
I'll fly off on my own path, and show I'm the swan

I truly am.
Megan Mae Sep 2011
I'm a changed woman
And now every one notices.
I'm witty and sassy-
Why hold back?
People seem to find
This new me enticing
Exciting and fresh.
If I knew this in the first place
I'd have changed ages ago!
I was such a doll,
An innocent dear,
A simple cotton candy
All light and hyperactive.
But what once was airy and sweet
Now has more filling, more meat.
I'm now it seems a whole **** cake
And now every one wants a bite or taste.
They compare me to a triple layer
Getting a new surprise each bite-
That its not about the frosting anymore…
Now I'm sitting here thinking it over
In a quizzical thought playing itself over and over…
Hoping eventually it will all make sense….
So either there is something in the water
Drawing these boys toward this change
In me that seems so enticing,
Or I must look ****** **** delicious...
Megan Mae Jan 2011
"Life goes on around you and you avoid it as best you can."
I'll sit in the stairway and wonder…why me? I am used to being invisible, and then suddenly you see me? It's a strange thing to get used to, speaking with a human, I'm no good at all.
Claps are heard in the distance, electric hum creates an invisible song; I like this stairway, it is my one sanctuary.
But then the bell rings, and life continues to turn, the macabre merry go round that eats the soul of its rider. I am alone in my stair well, until you arrive and take me to a life I can't live. Happy is a verb I'll never really know and for some reason, that is all these humans see in me…they are so blind.
I know you can't see the real you, and me try to hide that fact. But can any human truly see? My hair will be chocolate brown and down by back, my eyes are Grey and blue, I wear all black and my skin is so pale that it is gloved from elbow to fingers.
In truth I am a goddess fallen to earth, believe what you may, I wont care.
But thank you for talking to me any way.
Megan Mae Mar 2011
They think you love me...
And if I think and look hard,
If I try harder, I will see it.
But how can I believe it?
You were too good to be true.
Some one who liked me for me?
Impossible. And yet you said
Those 3 deep words... 'I Love You'
God knows I want to believe you.
God knows I want to know the truth.
God knows how much I simply, want you.
But I am NOT going to ask you,
I will mention that I don't know,
But I will never ask you to explain,
Never ask you to define or clear up,
I would love to know, but will not ask
How you feel or view me - I wont be like her.
I will NEVER make you say.

They say they're sure you love me,
Saying everyday that they see things,
Looks and glances you give me,
How hugs don't seem to be the same
To those who just seem to watch,
How is it I'm the one receiving the embrace
And I am the one not seeing this motive?
God knows i wish it was there,
God knows I am weak in the knees,
God knows those 3 words scare me...
I can never really know if its true or not.
But what I personally can't find out is if
I'm afraid you're not really in Love with me,
Or if you are...and I have to turn you away.

They seem certain that you love me...
God Knows I Love You Too....
Megan Mae Jan 2011
The world we live in

No-
Can mean so much for just two letters

Yes-
Can mean absolutely nothing

Love-
Can be happy, it can be painful

Thank you for coming-
Means go away

Darkness-
It can hide you, but it also reveals your deepest secrets

I don’t hate you-
Means just shut up and leave me alone

Friendship-
Is an illusion created to be shattered?

Truth-
Is a fantasy

Dreams-
Never come true

Nothing –
What you get instead of what you want

Never-
Is the answer to all your questions?


In a world where what we say is in reverse…

Why am I still worthless?
- From Slipping Heart
Megan Mae Jun 2011
I see you, and my heart skips. I don't know why and it makes no sense. All I know is I simply can't breathe without you around. I know I hurt you...I don't want to...I pray to God that I could stop. I love you, I really do...I don't mean to do this to you. I can see your pain, it kills me inside. But what hurts more? Whats hurts more is that I must pretend that I am oblivious to what I'm doing. I know I say the wrong things, but by the time i realize it's too late...I've hurt you so much and I thought of leaving you be, to keeping away to save you from my foolish daggers.
But every time I try to keep my distance, I find myself drawn to you and brought to you by some force I can not fight.

But sometimes I never know what to think. You speak of a god you worship and love him as if he were real...And I can't help but be jealous of this phantom you chose. Just speaking of how perfect he is, and how you have history with this fictional character makes me rage. How can I compete with a reflection of your heart? He is EVERYTHING you want. And the more you talk of him, he is EVERYTHING I'm not. So I once again return to who once was mine, simply to try to keep away from you. I didn't know how much it would hurt you, you hid your pain so well.

Too Well. And God now I can see you change right before my eyes.

What I used to jest of to make you laugh now seems to push a dagger and twist  it in your heart. What you used to tolerate you now despise, and I don't  know you any  more. I wonder briefly if I EVER did...but then I have to remind myself that what happened to you was my fault. Now I can't relearn you, can't rediscover your beauty...For you won't let me. I don't have the privilege too anymore. Especially while 'tied' to another. A new life is coming for me, both figuratively and literally and I'm confused and lost. I don't know what to do - I can't see whats going on any more and where my path is.

But when I stop to think, I guess it no longer matters.

Because I love you.
And now I foolishly didn't Lose you...

I let you go.
Prose
Megan Mae Feb 2011
Touch- not always noticed
A brush here, a tap there
Nothing deep, nothing *****.
But enough to think 'Honestly?'

I love touch,
I'm a touchy person,
I love the way you 'accidently' bump
Into me while walking the hall.
It reminds me I'm alive.

I've been Invisible for so long,
I need to be reminded I'm alive.
I've been asleep for so long,
I have to be told I am awake.

Touch- not always noticed
Not always meant.
But every touch is worth so much
Pointed or none, its there...
So touch me please, I'm begging here.

Bust past me, and touch my shoulder,
Tap me and claim not guilty,
Hug, high five or kiss and pet me,
I'll love the touch to the fullest...
But please...don't hold my hand,
Its one thing you'll learn to regret.
Megan Mae Feb 2013
If I were a piece of trash
You just tossed out of the way
And I could talk, what might i say?

'You're horrible, the walls agree,
Did you see what you've done to me?'
Even your ears could hear this i know.

Your appearance to every one else
Has come to an all time ******* low.
All because of that *****, that ******* ***.

Your Ex, the reason you would call me each night,
And ask me to the garden to cry. You CRIED.
And yet you return to her so easily!?

What is your problem? Every one warned me...
Whats worse is that I heard and knew it would happen,
And yet i let it unfold, with nothing better to do.

I couldn't and can't control your life,
But I can control how you make me feel.
I didn't stop you, from hurting me at least...

And now all I want to do is get back at you.
What would work best I'm still figuring out,
But till then I'm drinking each night, no doubt.

But **** it, I could easily ask your roommate,
The one you hate so much, if he could teach me
Exactly what you wanted to but didn't think was right...

I could hurt myself with my addiction,
The fear you held so highly, a glass of Jack,
Oh pints of Beer...Long Islands and Tequilas.

Or I could just do what you do, Ignore.
The worst thing I could do and simply
Knock you in your pain to the floor...

You texted me four times today,
You called near to six, from 9 to 5
You didn't take a break.

You must really care to try so hard,
Even called those I would hang with
To make sure I was Okay...

Well sir, I'm starting to wonder,
Whether or not I was the trash;
Or you were dear sir...if you were...
What better way, to end the day, with a stressful vent of what I can't say. How I wish I was wiser and stronger, and smart enough to make you stay far away.- From Upside Down
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Why can't you just leave me alone?
I honestly can't take the pain any more.
Are you the lier I convince myself you are?
Or are you honestly that fecking stupid....
Just that cruel?

You wanted to call me today.
I, thank the gods, was asleep.
Megan Mae Feb 2013
Lost.
What does that mean any more?
Lost in the moment?
Lost in the tide?
Lost in the whirlwind?
Lost in my pride?

I'm lost in the Love I thought had died
And now I can't help
Megan Mae Feb 2013
I feel as if life's turned upside down...
Honestly the news has me shaken,
The lies I've believed,
And the signs I've miss taken...
Are you lying to her?
Are you lying to me?
The cats out of the bag and now
The world is upside down you see...

I've said nothing wrong,
But you've done nothing right...
How many times have I been there for you?
And yet when I need you you're out of sight?
She's sitting there, hands touching you,
Before my friends and yours too.
If you tried to keep her a secret
You're playing the cards all wrong...
For introducing her will make
The rumors spin faster!
Can't you hear Upside down song?

But here I was deceived,
Told by you day after day
That she was completely
Forgotten and out of the way.
What a fool am I to believe you so quickly.
I let you touch me, Kiss me,
Love me like I thought you should.
But here I am seeing the lines
That I let you cross while I stood
Completely unaware... And now
Everything's Upside down.

How could you do this to me?
Take advantage and use me so?
You love me you say? How funny.
I would believe you if not for last night...
You bringing her out and kissing her lips,
Taking her hand, playing under the table,
While before those who you knew would tell me.
You have no shame...I can't believe I let you...
I can't even finish the sentence... cause I don't want to.
Everything is spinning till i fall Upside Down.

This relationship, this friendship,
That Bull you think you have?
Consider it gone, lost and over.
I want nothing to do with you,
I will always Love you, I swear you've
Pulled my heart from my chest.
You're games are finished, I've broken the board,
Flipped it till the pieces have all fallen like
The broken pieces of my heart.
So you have fun with out me, not even a smile
Will you get from me while she's on your arm.
You're a lying snake cheating and playing with hearts.
Have fun playing your games with the Board...
UPSIDE DOWN.
title piece of my book *Upside Down*- From Upside Down
Megan Mae Jan 2011
You came out of the blue...


John sat up in the double bed, he was panting. What a dream he’d had. He looked to his left, his girlfriend Casey still slept soundly and undisturbed by his awakening. With care he climbed from the sheets and walked from the room. Once the door to his and Casey’s room was closed securely, John started down the hallway to the common room. John, his two friends Henry and Chris, along with Casey and Henry’s steady girlfriend Nana; had all rented out a multi-apartment on the beach for their summer vacation. The spacious three beds, two baths, with kitchen and common room condo was a life saver for the vacationing students. It was on the cheap side and had an amazing view of the Atlantic Ocean from their own personal balcony. At first he thought his dreams were from the lore one of the natives had told them to scare them off, to stay at another hotel more inward off the shore, lore of the Water Woman. But they were modern college students nothing would happen to them.


It was the balcony that John retreated to when he woke, grabbing beer before he opened the slider; he took care not to make too much noise, then closed the door behind him and walked into the night. He closed his eyes as he felt the simple breezes brush against his skin. It was strangely refreshing to the apartment’s heat and he took a seat on one of the balcony chairs. The sound of the waves seemed to echo through this soft wind, calling him closer to the edge of the balcony. John reclined back in the chair, placed his beer on the side table and closed his eyes once again, trying to imagine exactly what woke him.

He remembered blurs, blues, and a beautiful girl with blonde hair.

This is what confused him, Casey, his girlfriend of three years, had dark chocolate hair cut in a cute super short style that was no more than an inch off her head, with her bangs dangling over her eyes. But this girl in his dream, she had vibrant blonde hair, long down to her waist, wavy, free. John’s eyes shot open. He had no idea what was going through his mind. He looked at the beer to his side and sighed. “I’ve had one to many,” He’d also had this same dream for weeks now, and he couldn’t put his finger on it, it was like the visions were haunting him.

It was then he heard the high pitch tone. What should have been annoying and painful ended up intriguing him, he sat up, somehow sobered. The tone turned to a multi toned melody. John turned toward the ocean, where the music seemed to be coming from; that’s when he saw her.

The mystery girl was walking with her feet just touching the water. She wore a simple white dress that fell freely around her body. The moon was full and bright that night and John stood, leaning over the edge of the balcony and looked down at the girl. She stopped and gazed up at the sky. John looked closer, realizing he was holding his breath, only to watch as she turned and looked up at him. He was on the fourth floor of the building, and she seemed to be looking right at him. His heart pounded. John had no idea what was running through him, but from what he could see in her eyes, she looked like she was crying. In seconds he rushed through the sliding door, pulled on a pair of denim jeans and a belt and his flip flops, grabbed his keys and ran out the door.

John skipped the elevator, it would take too long, and by the time he reached the first floor the girl would be gone, and he darted down the steps. When he reached the lobby nothing in his way stopped him from making it out to the beach in the back. Once his feet hit the sand he stopped, looked out over the beach to find her. He was panting, his lungs hurt from the running, but he didn’t care, he had to find her. He started out closer to the water, she was nowhere to be seen. “Where the hell?” he choked as he felt the water lick at his feet. It was cool, chilly in the light wind. How could she be gone? This beach ran for miles, clear and open with the moonlight…he’d see her if she continued either way, even if she ran. He turned looking out to the ocean, she wasn’t there either.

He was about to give up, turned to return to his room, when just as he turned to head back to the building, she stood right behind him. John had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. She looked to be around her early twenties, her blonde hair cascading down her body, a form which now closer and defined by the moonlight was even more intoxicating then before. Her white dress wasn’t thick at all, practically a shift or slip in material. He could see more than he bargained for. But her eyes, those almond green jems, they took his breath away more so then her appearance. Her lips were moving, he didn’t hear words, he heard notes, music, a melody similar to the one from the balcony. She moved closer to him, her eyes so sad as she reached for his face. Her fingers on his cheek made his spine tingle.

“Miss,” he forced, his voice waivering. “What are you doing out here? It’s not safe for a woman like you,”

“Why did you come?” she asked sadly. John didn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you come? You shouldn’t have come.” John melted at her voice, it was almost as beautiful as her singing.

“You looked like you were lonely.” He said finally.

“I am,” her eyes seemed to seep sadness. He couldn’t understand why. What he would give to see her smile.

“Miss are you alright? Do you need me to walk you back to your place?” he asked absently. The thoughts of his girlfriend Casey back in the room four floors up seemed to vanish. He watched as her lips slowly smiled, her eyes sadder still.

“Do you want to go for a swim?” she asked. He watched as her fingers laced around the thin straps of her shift, she seemed to be taking the gown off. He flinched, she paused, her smile still overpowering her horribly sad eyes. She let her white teeth shine as she slowly stepped back into the water. “Come swim with me,” her voice was like a song alone, no instrumental, no notes needed. She let her shift fall to the water, it floated there before she stepped out of it stepping back into the waves. John was trapped in her gaze, unable to look away, absently following.

He was chest deep by the time she was neck deep in the water. “Follow me,” she cooed. He only saw her eyes, barely paying attention the waves grew angrier.

By the time he noticed the horrible weather, the rain, the lightning, the raging waves, it was to late. The woman had embraced him, pressed her lips against his, pulling him deeper in the raging waters. And though he wanted to get out of the cold water, he swam deeper. He followed the beautiful woman of his dreams.


The next morning Casey woke to find John missing. Chris, Nana and Henry all went searching for him, no note, his key’s missing, his flip flops gone. Casey had a horrible feeling that he was gone for good. She didn’t fully trust this gut feeling until the police found one of his flip flops farther down the beach washed up on the shore.

The students left the place, unable to find their friends. What they didn’t know was that he was looking up at them, in each wave that encased Casey’s feet, he looked up sadly drowning in his tears invisible to the eyes of his friends, pained that he’d never see this girl ever again, and he was swept away once again by the tide.
All because he didn’t hear of the lore of the Water Woman.
Prose or Short Story, you pick, but please tell me what you think.- From Water Woman
Megan Mae Apr 2011
Days drawing to a close, again
No more thought, no more.
Sit and wonder how much you
Could possibly lose if you take
The path you didn't truly chose.

What would happen if you
Followed something other than your heart?
What would happen if you lied to yourself?
What would happen if you became
The very thing you wanted to destroy?

Days draw to a close and you're left wondering,
What exactly are you trying to find out?
What have you decided to become,
What have you chosen to be?
A monster or a relief?

Who would you be to yourself if you changed?
Or are you some one you were all along?
Days draw to a close and you still can't tell...
If this new persona is from heaven...
Or if its a gift from hell...
Megan Mae Feb 2012
Why must you honestly take all the life I have from me?

Why must I try to fight to gain my own control?
To me my life is a simple book and I read the authors notes -
Only to hope and pray that the character I dote survives.

I’m lost in this whirl wind - I can’t find my path,
I see yours spray painted with fences off the grass.
I want to make a choice so let me now pass your lines.

I want to be happy, I want to live, I want to be healty
And yet you sit and spin my life till i’m dizzy and weak
And keep me caged up, unable to sing my beak is taped.

Just let me live, leave me alone. Let me make my mistakes,
Mistakes I’ll OWN!

Let me wake in the morning, cure my ill, Eat my bread, then sit still.
Let me walk through the day, to my own devices, plan my plans, life’s full of surprises.
Let me write, let me learn, let me cook -and should it burn,
Let me clean up house from my mistakes, let me hear your praises and your thanks.
Let me care for myself just once, not have to worry of you disapproval…
Let me see what people see, not what you think they saw.
Then when the day is done, Let me break bread with family, let me cure my ills…
Let me lay in darkness, dreaming of tomorrow’s adventures, and lay still to do it all over again.

— The End —