I speak, no voice, to the uninterested ear.
My words, though ill placed, the urgency of my heart.
I long to just be heard, for what words I say
to impress upon the mind of those around me.
Alas...

I speak, to no avail, to the def ear.
Invisible, I am used to being unseen, preferred in fact.
Why let them char my tender heart with evil burning eyes
when they could be blind and cling to my every word?
Alas...

I sing, just as a bird, and my voice lost to the ear
grouped a long with the every day, the birds, ignored.
They walk on by, clustering chatter over my harmony,
Each not tenderly caressing the natures melody in wish to join.
Alas...

I sing, loud and true, my heart open all the while.
Those cruel beings take advantage and push through
write their names along my heart, scaring me of them for life.
They use me till my voice is dry, and then tell me I'm worthless.
Alas...

I know, I'm smarter than they think.
I see my future and it looks so bright.
I, once commonly viewed as an ugly chick, shed my downy feathers
And soon I spring up in joyous song, elaborate voice, as my true form.
Alas...The Swan.

He said it,
The three words…
The words I long for,
The words I dread.

He said it,
Again and again…
Why am I self destructing
At his tender caring words?

He wants me to say it,
But these words I just can't say.
They're tainted, now burned…
But lords knows I care.

He wants me to say it,
And I want to too…
But these three words scare me
So a symbol must do.

My babe just said it,
He said 'I LOVE YOU',
And now its my turn…
Brief falter before I respond;
"I <3 U"

3...2...1...SELF DESTRUCT!

I'm a changed woman
And now every one notices.
I'm witty and sassy-
Why hold back?
People seem to find
This new me enticing
Exciting and fresh.
If I knew this in the first place
I'd have changed ages ago!
I was such a doll,
An innocent dear,
A simple cotton candy
All light and hyperactive.
But what once was airy and sweet
Now has more filling, more meat.
I'm now it seems a whole **** cake
And now every one wants a bite or taste.
They compare me to a triple layer
Getting a new surprise each bite-
That its not about the frosting anymore…
Now I'm sitting here thinking it over
In a quizzical thought playing itself over and over…
Hoping eventually it will all make sense….
So either there is something in the water
Drawing these boys toward this change
In me that seems so enticing,
Or I must look ****** **** delicious...

I see you, and my heart skips. I don't know why and it makes no sense. All I know is I simply can't breathe without you around. I know I hurt you...I don't want to...I pray to God that I could stop. I love you, I really do...I don't mean to do this to you. I can see your pain, it kills me inside. But what hurts more? Whats hurts more is that I must pretend that I am oblivious to what I'm doing. I know I say the wrong things, but by the time i realize it's too late...I've hurt you so much and I thought of leaving you be, to keeping away to save you from my foolish daggers.
But every time I try to keep my distance, I find myself drawn to you and brought to you by some force I can not fight.

But sometimes I never know what to think. You speak of a god you worship and love him as if he were real...And I can't help but be jealous of this phantom you chose. Just speaking of how perfect he is, and how you have history with this fictional character makes me rage. How can I compete with a reflection of your heart? He is EVERYTHING you want. And the more you talk of him, he is EVERYTHING I'm not. So I once again return to who once was mine, simply to try to keep away from you. I didn't know how much it would hurt you, you hid your pain so well.

Too Well. And God now I can see you change right before my eyes.

What I used to jest of to make you laugh now seems to push a dagger and twist  it in your heart. What you used to tolerate you now despise, and I don't  know you any  more. I wonder briefly if I EVER did...but then I have to remind myself that what happened to you was my fault. Now I can't relearn you, can't rediscover your beauty...For you won't let me. I don't have the privilege too anymore. Especially while 'tied' to another. A new life is coming for me, both figuratively and literally and I'm confused and lost. I don't know what to do - I can't see whats going on any more and where my path is.

But when I stop to think, I guess it no longer matters.

Because I love you.
And now I foolishly didn't Lose you...

I let you go.

The car ride is normal, simple and polite. But we smile the whole way, pretending not to care, taking advantage of the light. So here we are on the way to 'LARP', you upset, yet I'm even worse. True the joke was funny, the rest of the group knew...and when they saw you their smiles simply grew. You asked for a fountain, they pointed the way, and once you were out of earshot they couldn't help but say...

''He has no idea does he?'' Kurei asked with a big broad smile.
''He's going to have one hell of a game'' Garrus claimed with a padded blade.
"He'll never know what hit him." Umbrus chimed as he unlatched his swords.
I sigh and smile at them each and said, "Lets just start this game."

How does the line go? Stab me in the face you're **** out of luck... stab me in the back you're.....?

The game begins, I avoid you like the plague. I wouldn't even fight you with in distance of a hand grenade. If I ever interacted with you, it was simply to sing a song. My simple Siren Song paralyzed you and left you to the mercy of my friends. I myself never attacked or 'killed you' I wouldn't even dare...The one time I 'took your arm' you whined like no one was there.

"Why did you hurt me?" you asked foolishly, true with a smile, but why ask at this game?
"You're my enemy," Avexi snapped, not even me. Oh how when I have the chance...I can be so mean.

The game continued, you couldn't keep alive, you still had fun though- some how you tried. You always tried to come at me, you always tried to attack. Thank the lords Umbrus and Kurei always had my back.

Finally the game was over, and the whole team knew the line. They kept back from smiling, kept back every time. 'You stab me in the face, you're **** out of luck...You stab me in the back...

I bring you to LARP!'

Shocked how much you hurt me,
I've pushed you from my mind.
And true a lot reminds me, brings
You back to mind...But now I am
Realizing its hurting less and less.

Its shocking now how little I hurt
At a simple thought of you...
Now that you're gone. You're off my
Mind and out of my head, with something
Small to remind me of who you once were.
But now thats gone, and I've convinced myself...
Dead.

You were never honestly there.
You didn't even really care how
You held me tightly to my fear of being
Left alone, unloved, just wanting to be
Useful you used me to the end.

And yet you didn't use me, you didn't
Care to try, but you didn't pay me back
For my help and always made me cry.
Am lost and confused and your whiplash
Made me sick....

Did you truly feel that you were
In the clear so quick?
You left scars you left memories,
But thank you for what you've done
To me. I'm now much stronger than before
And I wont have to deal with guys like you...
Anymore.

No words, none.... I've not heard one.
Its been too long for forgetfulness,
Its long past time for 'just busy'
Or 'no time'. And here I sit
The silence kills me, cuts me.
Why does this hurt so much.

The day you found out,
I was the first you told.
And honestly the only one
You felt trust worthy.
And here I am looking at the
Screen seeing your mothers loving
Congratulations. Its been a week.

You still haven't told me, so I
Gave in and asked. Claimed  I
Saw all the 'congrats' and I assumed
It was true. ***** you! You spoke as if
There was no problem, no hickup.
How on earth could you not see how much
You've hurt me?

You found me important enough to tell
And for me to keep such a weight alone.
But when I've come to needing closure,
You don't even tell me its ******* over?
I'm left to wait for the news alone,
And you don't tell me a thing...
But when you see i'm slightly upset you
Instantly act normal again.

*******. You haven't spoken to me
In weeks, nearing a month. I didn't get a
Simple goodbye. You left me hanging out
To dry and I'm sick of it. Friends talk to friends
And if you're busy you tell them so.

A simple 'HELLO i'm going to be busy,
You wont hear from me in a while!' Is all
That is required of a friendship. But Best friends...
Best friends keep the loop tight, they hide their
Phones from ready eyes and text 'I'm alright.'

They offer words of praise or 'Thank you for helping me
Its made my day.' Simple pieces of **** that
Are normally required in common day ****.
But no you must be special, no you don't need
To follow these rules. Just cut out your 'BEST FRIEND'
And tell all you're ******* Tools. Yeah they care, and
They'll black mail you in a second. But you'll ask for help
And in an instant I'll be becconed. I can't do this Any more

I can't be friends for long. I'm just writing this to say
That the only reason I have to stay is to simply hear you
Say 'I'm sorry, I know what I've done. You're the only
One who helped me through and I'm grateful for you.
You've been there through the thick and thin, you've
Been there when my life line ends. I couldn't have
Survived with out you. Please forgive me, I love you.'

Some times I want you to come crawling back,
To tell me that if you could you'd wish it all back.
But here I would stand and here I am now, knowing
My answer wont turn around. You wont like it, I can
Assure. For we're not friends any more, you've closed
That door. We're not friends any more, because
Honestly....

I can't do this any more.