It was the last drop to glissade down my cheek

The hazy delusions I saw through the creeks

And despite my efforts of simplicity

I'm drawn to an array of complexity

So as I sat and fought those demons

I cut the ties despite the screaming

Of Hope
Of Change
Of Love...

Because none of it was true
As it lie in my mind

The search for ME has been hard to find

Toxins enter deep inside me

Gasping from the poison

My world begins to fade

Why do I exist?

This heart stone cold

Shutting everyone out

I want to be alone

Feeling ****** in

Losing the fight, within myself

Tears drop to the ground

As time has passed, remembering the lies

I believed you

No answers to these emotions

Gradually I’ve noticed a change

I’m not the same exuberant soul, perceived as a child

Memories drown me

My temper explodes into unexplainable pieces

Fed up with bewilderment

I tense as spiteful words are spit upon me

Of sound kind or mania

Craving acceptance

This is the bare minimum throughout my existence.

Invisible,
     I stare into a crowded room with laughter and fleet.
Invisible,
     I stand inside a multitude of jollity and upbeat.

A balancing act
Where frequently I fumble

     Between intense feelings of overwhelming deceit and hostile repeat

I buried my purpose

And here I watch each layer reveal an unsteady influence of hardship

     Through adapting to danger and reckless behavior

Impulsively I rise and overheat...

Slowing uncovering patterns of promising demise and retreat.

Invisible,
     I walk through shadows to subconsciously compete

Invisible,
     I dream I was you and not me.

That Day you walked away there was so much I could say...

You've twisted my mind with crippled emotions
A manipulative liar I must say.

Leaving my side and this unborn child

For fun and laughs, a good.time and beer.
You had so much potential but threw it away.

With the flick of a bic you lost all control

Hoping you have envisioned this path you've chosen
Of dark nights and blurry lights.

But by that time, I'll be long gone.
No more spiraling  into a delusional fantasy

You've lost my heart, my hope, and my soul
To an addiction of self infatuation.

Megan James 9/24/14

Shaking like a train down its tracks
Contemplating two sides...
One a fantasy
One a reality.
Breaking down the barriers of fear
Lonliness through the crowds
Insecurities followed by depression
My unemotional mindset spiraling into a disaster.
Flipping the script to a sunlit view
...where the clouds drift smoothly...
...when I feel my pulse beat through my skins blush...
...when the stars gleam through my eyes...
Without an alternative.
Going back to sanity
Home, where I belong...

Like a spider crawling against my veins
Poisoning my body
Shattering the cells beneath my skin
Into shadows of dust
A sewn heart cracks open
Flooding me in puddles of scarlet silk
Dripping as I fall like pixels of a broken image
Disappearing into a dark infinity
The flames between our souls extinguish into oblivion.

Waking up from this nightmare
Of your useless lies
That led me down the path of destruction.
This is it
I can feel my bones shake through my skin
As I break through the dead end
You've brought me to.
Let me sift through your mind
And plant the venomous words spit at me
Through your gruesome lips.
I'll walk you into the darkness of my soul
That leads to death.

As I lay pacing through the walls of insanity balanced between reality

My mind unwinds bringing down sequences intertwined

Twisted secrets of poisenous emotions while i glide along euphoric passions

Drastic oceans embedded between those luscious lashes, grasping my last breath with shades of ashes

Unraveling  silk layers  of her anatomy, the dark shades
within history abandoned upon a sweet mystery.

Gazing through the vibrant lillies planted among me
As i drift into eternity
Of restless thoughts.
A curse you have bestowed upon me
An essence of mystery between the lines
Of unspoken lies hiding beneath your eyes.

Crying out for help
But no one is there.

Watching me break
Shattered into pieces

Arms down
Palms open
Spiraling through the blast

The viscid sensuality as bumps
Crawl against my skin

Black satin intertwined
Within my pale sheath

Arched back, bare lips
Waiting for the crowning storm.

Fixating on the emotions you provided
But only for a second in time

Before you had me falling between the cracks
With a touch of your hand

Moments pass at accelerated speeds
My heart flutters.

Vibrations rush through my perplexed mentality
A loss of affection transpires

Beneath this dark facade suppressing my energy
A troglodytic character exposed

The inception of just another fantasy you implemented
Like any other dream I envisioned

A borderline ecstasy of pleasure.

Feeling alone in the dark
My gut filled with pain

My heart stops beating
As I clench my jaw

This life of loneliness
Yes, I look happy

But deep down reality sinks in
Giving my all with nothing in return

My life has no peace
But plenty of shame

Acting like I have it all together
As I cry myself to sleep at night

Knowing I'll never be good enough
I'm just that girl you ******
And then dumped.

Can't sleep
My heart heavy
Knowing the truth
Only setting me back
Reality sets in
Deep.
Mind racing
Eyes flutter
I can't fight it off
I'm falling
Farther, and farther
I can't reach the bottom
When will it end?
Never.
Ill continue to spin
Until fate sets in
Urged to inhale
The breeze of death.
A constant battle
Playing a game
Is it all in my head?
I'm lost
No, confused.
Someone love me?
Someone want me?
Loneliness seeps through my soul
I can't bare this existence
With no one around
To hear my screams
Of insanity
Or fantasy?
Ill be gone...
Before you know it.
Reaching out
With no one to catch me.
Drifting... Down.
As I spiral into infinity.

Classic clouds clear through the night
Whispering a lullaby

As I look into those deep green eyes
Singing as the sheep pass by

Brushing my face with tiny fingers
You melt me with your sweet linger

Curled up in a warming blanket
Your skins aroma leaves a peaceful essence

Rosette lips pucker close
As I give you my deepest affection

Laying you down next to my heart
Where you will stay even after we part

Dreaming of a dream that you will never leave
This is our bed time routine

Good night my sweet angel , I love you to pieces.

Phantasmagoric


Entranced through the spirals of delusion
Limitless misery trapped betweeen the perfect illusion

Shattered visions trickle along a joyous dream
******* of deep waters biting through the atlantic sea bream

Whispering in the midst of silken white fantasies
Swiftly stricken back into the disturbing realities

Prismatic colors embedded into a spirit of misconception
A darkened certainty embraces its profound deception

Peaceful pleasures circling whimsical euphoria
Drastically transforming into agitated hysteria

Reflecting portraits of tasteful affection
Briskly dissolving into appalling fabrication

Stimulating my mind with exceptional optimism
The day I met you heartbreak obstructed essential wisdom


MEGAN JAMES
(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)

As I sat glaring through the curtain
Dark shades of history are still uncertain
Leaving behind an empty space.

Stumbling down ill stricken hallways with a dangling hope
A teardrop glides down its last *****
This harsh reality taken by surprise.

Never forgetting the day
Tragedy was just a phone call away
Wishing I could pick up the pieces.

It only seems like the other day you gave up the fight
Your black and white memory will last until we reunite
My deepest emotions, too vexatious to hide.

Toxins enter deep into my body
Gasping from the poison
My world is beginning to fade
I don't remember why I am here
My heart hardened
I have shut everyone out
I yearn to be alone
I feel as though I am being ****** in
I am losing this fight with myself
My tears slowly drop to the ground
As my days pass I think of the deceit
Why did I believe it?
I wish I had the answers to these emotions
Gradually I have noticed an inner change
I am not the same exuberant soul I was as a child
Memories from the past mark my death
I desire to be someone new
My temper unexplainable
Fed up with irritable questions I cannot fathom
I tense while receiving the spiteful words thrown at me
I am unsure of my mental stability
I crave acceptance
This is what I bare throughout my existence.

Tormented from the inside out

I've put an end to my distress

Wishing to be consumed by it all

Weakening an introspective expression

My beating heart shatters...

Illusions haunt my sanity

The remedy, mythical.

Widowed through a shadow

Dusk seeps over the silvery skies

My horrendous nightmare becomes reality.

I scream uncontrollably while I gasp for air

As I fall to the ground, I notice nothing is there.

Suffocation in my bare skin.

Scarlet puddles flood the open space.

My soul intoxicated as I laugh in my deep sleep.

My fears are simple...
Not shrewd enough or dextrous
My love divine, yes majestic
My purity maintains as my objective
My faith steady in my beliefs
Striving to be worthy at his throne
Virtuous and righteous I will become
My scars swept away with justice and unity
Victory through Him who has created me
Devotion and warmth to those in need
Repenting of my sin in prayer
Kneeling down with compassion and hunger

My mind is consumed.

Drifting through the shadow of fear
As I protect you beneath these tears

With each tiny kick taken by surprise
Your delicate sillhouette I have come to recognize

Taking one step at a time to shape you
My angel, this is what my life has come to

Anguished spirits have withered to an end
With overflowing strength my heart offers to extend

Enhancing life with a lusterous glow
Emry Rene, always follow your heart and never let go

Confide in me, your feeling deep inside
While your path may change, you will never have to hide

Never let the worlds charming facade deceive you
I will stand by your side as we depict the view

I LOVE YOU EMRY RENE LLAMAS! <3 MOMMY

My destiny was you
Seeping through the spectral as if timelessness was true

Both our souls shaping  into one
Illustrious adoration, this breath of life you have won

Each remedy chosen to reanimate fierce infatuation
Our existence concluded by a simple foundation

A euphoric perception through your warm almond eyes
In the worst of this battle I will never say  my goodbyes

Bonded by a sweet bundle of responsibility
Restless nights have shown our ongoing capability

Holding on to my weakest affection
My fears will let go of your delicate imperfections

Where has this animosity seized us to?
Reminiscing back when passion was all we knew.