I push people away because I have terrible abandonment issues

I constantly shake even when I try to hold still.

The only way I'm capable of crying is through laughter

I am too afraid of feeling to talk to you

We started too quickly.
Both torn from our last companion.
So we rushed in, sickly
And lept from the grand canyon
No landing zone. No bungee
Only resistance was my banyan.

As we descended into certain doom
a single thought occurred; I don't like you.
I'm pushing you away so I may land in my own tomb
And when comes the cleaning crew
My mess won't mix with your gloom.
Such a reliving thought to be separated with hew



A most despicable thought is being for better or worse with you

Sincerely,
Timothy Brown.

P.S If you don't understand, I'm breaking up with you.

I really want to be as cool as you
But I only have one tattoo
well two.
They're black, I'm brown but my jeans are blue...

You like them where the sun shines
and some places it won't.
I've stopped giving you signs.
I know. Anxiety daunt.


Birds sing while my face is buried in books;
Your stumbling up and down stairs and tumbling in your mind.
There is a disagreement but I know how good looks.
Inclined to be entwined where one may find the truth of mankind.
At least I want to be in there

But I am terrible with conversation.
You can see something is wrong with me.
I speak nervously in dilation.
My words are better read than said which is I write poetry.

It would be worst than the first rejection
So I'll admire you from afar.
Just an unspoken affection
to prevent the collision of worlds bizarre.

P.s This was supposed to come with a cookie but I ate it... I'm really sorry about that.

12
6+6
7+5
8+4
9+3
10+2
11+1
12

Seems simple enough.
Reality was like a *****
film. Beaten and touched
by the sins of a woman corrupt.

Too poor to play.
Mom was getting high,
so I joined a play
to stay away
from the fists and verbal abuse of the day.
No lunch money.
Mom was getting high,
So I left for school at 6 A
M. Yes Ma'am, I was dropped off I would lie
everyday.
No, Sir, It's ok I already ate" I would lie
everyday
Tim, wanna come over and play?
*No I have to go home and get slapped and and screamed at when my mom isn't screaming some strange man's name...I mean...I have homework to do."

Straight F's. Never attempted a page.
Too busy learning what goes well with sage
And how to calm my rage
The singe of my skin let my emotions disengage.

Every time the levees were going to break
Just crawl into my hiding place
Heat up a paper clip
and all that was inside would slake.

10 years later I am covered in scars
Hundreds, head to toe, all over my fleshy bars.

They are much more difficult to see.
However they are still embarrassing
Thus the long sleeves and I always wear jeans
irregardless of how hot or discomforting.

One day I want new scars, head to toe
tattoos to tell a new story.
of how I escaped the blues
I never really did but it sounds nice.