It was the last drop to glissade down my cheek

The hazy delusions I saw through the creeks

And despite my efforts of simplicity

I'm drawn to an array of complexity

So as I sat and fought those demons

I cut the ties despite the screaming

Of Hope
Of Change
Of Love...

Because none of it was true
As it lie in my mind

The search for ME has been hard to find

Toxins enter deep inside me

Gasping from the poison

My world begins to fade

Why do I exist?

This heart stone cold

Shutting everyone out

I want to be alone

Feeling ****** in

Losing the fight, within myself

Tears drop to the ground

As time has passed, remembering the lies

I believed you

No answers to these emotions

Gradually I’ve noticed a change

I’m not the same exuberant soul, perceived as a child

Memories drown me

My temper explodes into unexplainable pieces

Fed up with bewilderment

I tense as spiteful words are spit upon me

Of sound kind or mania

Craving acceptance

This is the bare minimum throughout my existence.

Invisible,
     I stare into a crowded room with laughter and fleet.
Invisible,
     I stand inside a multitude of jollity and upbeat.

A balancing act
Where frequently I fumble

     Between intense feelings of overwhelming deceit and hostile repeat

I buried my purpose

And here I watch each layer reveal an unsteady influence of hardship

     Through adapting to danger and reckless behavior

Impulsively I rise and overheat...

Slowing uncovering patterns of promising demise and retreat.

Invisible,
     I walk through shadows to subconsciously compete

Invisible,
     I dream I was you and not me.

That Day you walked away there was so much I could say...

You've twisted my mind with crippled emotions
A manipulative liar I must say.

Leaving my side and this unborn child

For fun and laughs, a good.time and beer.
You had so much potential but threw it away.

With the flick of a bic you lost all control

Hoping you have envisioned this path you've chosen
Of dark nights and blurry lights.

But by that time, I'll be long gone.
No more spiraling  into a delusional fantasy

You've lost my heart, my hope, and my soul
To an addiction of self infatuation.

Megan James 9/24/14

Shaking like a train down its tracks
Contemplating two sides...
One a fantasy
One a reality.
Breaking down the barriers of fear
Lonliness through the crowds
Insecurities followed by depression
My unemotional mindset spiraling into a disaster.
Flipping the script to a sunlit view
...where the clouds drift smoothly...
...when I feel my pulse beat through my skins blush...
...when the stars gleam through my eyes...
Without an alternative.
Going back to sanity
Home, where I belong...

Like a spider crawling against my veins
Poisoning my body
Shattering the cells beneath my skin
Into shadows of dust
A sewn heart cracks open
Flooding me in puddles of scarlet silk
Dripping as I fall like pixels of a broken image
Disappearing into a dark infinity
The flames between our souls extinguish into oblivion.

Waking up from this nightmare
Of your useless lies
That led me down the path of destruction.
This is it
I can feel my bones shake through my skin
As I break through the dead end
You've brought me to.
Let me sift through your mind
And plant the venomous words spit at me
Through your gruesome lips.
I'll walk you into the darkness of my soul
That leads to death.