Beloved
the stretch of my lungs
in and out
beats my metronome

found myself at the window
let my elbow
rest

I let the sun
hold me today
and I prayed
I would see you
and we could be one
no confusion

i belong
to you
and the gentle brush
of memory on my eyelashes
bring the corners of my mouth
to rise
and the water of my eyes
to fall

Lovely
I let the sun hold me today
I closed my eyes
and you were there
instead

Inside
ah
there you are
little glimmer
of hope

I'm here now
to help you
grow
stronger and brighter
each day

A Being
has loud words
they surround
drown out those
fears

Finally
my heart is
coming back
to home roots
I am  finding
the glue
piece by piece
I fill in the puzzle

Oh sweet
sweet smile
you fit just right
welcome back
stay awhile!

I know you will

Magnificent
I feel the sun
and instead of
yearning for more
I take you as you are
great warmth
and walk on

I am
me
I am
just beginning

Tempter, I grow impatient. My need for closeness is a run over rocky terrain. I yearn for my legs to stop moving, my muscles to stop aching, my breath to find my body. It only moves in slow creeping motions, an eclipse on my reality, a blindfold to my control. My darling I do not exist alone. Alone I am fever- a raging plague of disease. My burnt parts float away as ash to the graveyard- to bury all they are. Love, I walk in my bones. Stripped of my true being I rattle and moan, a skeleton resurrected. Soon my feet my crumble away, and I will snap apart limb by limb and fall to the ground as sharp pointy bits. Then what am I, my dear? Do I get pushed into the earth and remain nothing more than diminished pearls to the naked eye, or will a creature carry me away with their talons? Tempter you defeat me. Only when I leave the battlefield and return home do I realize I pulled the trigger. I thought I would run from the war and save myself. When truly, I fired the shot heard around the world.

written 2010

I look out
hoping to be calmed
by an evening in transition
forcibly removed from the experience
stuck behind the shingles of a barrier that compels me to
return indoors
unfulfilled and indifferent

In my chair I am denied
the presence of movement, the echo of life beyond my own
it sits until replaced
by boredom or misuse

I fear it's not the only product
removed and unfazed
putting weeks on the shelves
passing poison for purity, choosing machines not maturity, selling fact from obscurity
striving to straighten the imperfect wild
pointing fingers, avoiding blame

I know how it feels to walk a path
forged by pines and ranting rain
there -- as I move forward
gone -- as I turn back

I look out
hoping to still want to see past
the view the deceives me
the view I've been told repeatedly
is what life's all about

no one will understand this
gibberish is more like it- some foreign language
it doesn't make sense
no one will understand
I'm not quite sure I do

fuzzy
it's becoming
scratch that
I'm becoming
me?

see the way the t.v. laughs at our faces
when the screen irritates our ears with
complaints
we watch it too much
we crave it way more than we
should
oh shoot I assumed again
replace the we's with I
actually.......nevermind
I don't care- I feel like I'm right about that
this time
....sorry?

but that sound
[the laughing-the continuous laughing]
that is where fuzzy comes
into play- this little game this little trial run
with it's "rules" which are really "guidelines" because no one intends on
listening to any of it
because everyone intends on
stepping over lines, breaking all their words
they said couldn't....they said they would never
bend
[well they bend all the time- but i'll say it's because we are
human. mistakes are natural, deal with it. human- I'm allowed to not
listen(understand).     I'm allowed]
oh right that fuzz
talk about annoying
just turn it off
it isn't hard okay, it isn't hard
just do it already

much better
so much better
hey did you know that
I walked into my room today and
didn't feel a single twinge
of negativity
I beat the rules
[I'm allowed]
beat them dead
sure I know it hasn't been long enough
blah blah
still beat it, stepped over the line
and it feels goooood babe
it feels real good

hope that the weather is less bitter about
ahem.....love
than I am
that word .....frankly look at it
it's just a bunch of lines
and people always step on those, break them, bend them, try and change their shape
so the original meaning, the true ....personality of the word love
its a bit harder to discover since it became a game of hide and seek and pick up sticks

or it hides
away in a pocket
that someone made themself
really we all make the word ourselves
stitch by stitch
until it looks right
"right"
you found love?
great!

hope you don't lose it

hope you think it's right

hope you actually mean it

hope that girl you find
                                                          kn­ows it's not real

harsh? fine, whatever


do you get it?
yeah of course you don't
you never did

you never could
because you were never meant to understand

because you were never meant for me

oh, you again
thought you left
something about a brick
and how you understood
it's meaning
watched you go, well more like
watched your shape get smaller as I looked over my shoulder
I get it mixed up sometimes
whoops
for a second there I thought we were friends
sort of
I think maybe I talk too much, or is it want too much....
I'll cut it back to 2 attempts - is that better?
trying to respect the line, you know, that fine line
quiet, lots and lots of quiet
no don't worry about it, i'm used to it now
actually starting to like it
gives me a lot of time to reflect and
think
think think think think think
thanks. couldn't ask for a better way to
pass the time

As I fall
little cannon bursts
of cut ribbon
yellow green blue
I will rain
on your parade
but the good kind
if there is such a thing
and maybe ill land
in your hands
on your shoulder
in your hair
and I'll get to be with you
even though I'm not
there
just pretend I'm the confetti
in the air
the drink in your veins
the pillow by your shoe
the couch you passed out on
it's whatever one you choose
just as long as you pretend
in some way
too


hmm....immediate sequel

actually you know what
don't pretend anything
don't say a single lie
don't utter a  false sentence
mean everything

next time, count me in
and we can watch the confetti
together

I reject the words that were like
honey on a bitter dessert
only hiding the
true taste

they are revealed
to be
silly wishes
that were whispered
in secret
and in vain
to an ear that had stopped listening
awhile ago

very well then
it seems I have been humming this
string of notes
all to myself
and they have been unbearable to endure
alone
yet I thought
I hoped
I did not just sing to an
empty room
but to the bigger picture

which would continue to become more
ornate
and continue to stun
only me

only me
ok
I'll get used to it
soon I beg
for the action of blankly watching my ceiling
every night
just won't do

I want to dream
instead

I want to memorize the way you
didn't show up

well
     well
          well

looks like I create happiness after all

sometimes life's a little funny
and we just never know
after the morning wakes and yawns
what events the day will throw

In fact, it doesnt matter if
the sky is gray or blue
when you step back and think
the choice is up to you

I really like to smile
I really hate bad news
but  somtimes life's a little funny
and we end up with a bruise

though, remember those clouds
you thought to be quite mean
there's always rays of sunshine
you could have never seen

yes, things will happen
and we lose our will to try
yes, sometimes life's a little funny
and it makes us want to cry

but that's why nearby
there's always a hand
to reach out and help with
beginning to stand

we feel up, we feel down
scared there's no place to land
but sometimes life's a little funny
and we start to understand

that
everything will be ok
and some things
never end

it isn't as soft as you would imagine
the pull of fabric, the simple hums
yet it does separate me from
the fantasy

the fantasy is always deep
repeatedly warm, protective against the open room
it keeps me together, even when
you don't

you don't always see
when I hide in the pillows, I promise to stay
I regularly wonder, would you do
the same

the same rocks pour from your mouth
a bitter shot of memory and hard places
I swear once I caught a glimpse of
the better you

the better you exists in my hands
when I run them through your hair
nuzzle down.down.down.downright hard to get
up again

up again at the crack of dawn
I know you work hard for your bills
just remember the cup
won't lie

won't lie?
I wouldn't say that, have you ever...
strangely I trust you, even when it seems
I shouldn't

I shouldn't doubt your hand in mine
yet it's much too disappointing
when I reach for some assurance and you
fall short

fall short of the finish line and
nothing really happens, you just go home
of course you gave it your
best shot

best shot, neat knot, limp plot
barely caught, never taught, simply thought
surely ought, fully wrought, sadly got
dizzy ***

dizzy *** I will one day know
how to stand up to you and
what it is and what
it isn't

it isn't as soft as you would imagine
the pull of fabric, the simple hums
yet it does separate me from
the fantasy

hate hating
but for you?
I promise I'll try
                                                    


                                                      liar

now i'll try
but only because you
asked so nicely

to be sure
        completely
     "You could play"
                         said
the sharp
  
      turn for the worst
   back in line with
              the long run

hahahhaahaha
                                      I
                                      thought
                                      you
                                      were
                                      my
                                      whole
                                      world>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  so wrong

Between the trees there lay a path
messy and strewn, overgrowth hid the tracks
it went deep into the forrest, twisting and spontaneous
I told the lady on the bus, but spoke mostly to her back

Midday moved to night moved to daybreak
I hear a voice drift from somewhere near
"You are free to own nothing"
it echoed. far off a clock was punched. I walked on, leaving behind a distant jeer

If you stand on your head, will the questions become answers?
If you oppress the oppressor, will you then control fate?
When faced with flashing truths, will you stare into light?
I don't need ******* stories, I make my own bait

What do I know? Water boils on the stove and rain cakes mud to the edge of my new boots.
All I can say is sometimes I get lucky and follow trails I've never seen wearing a hat I found the other day with a note saying, "Take me if you need it."