It was a stormy evening
Yet contentment hung in the air
Thick as the humidity
We ran, eluding unsuccessfully the
little droplets that cascaded like
the brilliant fingers of a pianist
gushing chords across our shoulders that
captivated.
It was rhythmic, a delicate patter
though simultaneously
It rang out with the passion of a cello’s crying depth
the lust of a singer’s feverish lucidity
the force of a dancers anguished turns.
the mighty heavens roared on above us so loud dear but
the need to return home overtook us and
the world was only your hair as it curled around your ear and
only the smell of rain on your skin and the heat of your breath.
You astound me.
All I crave is to whisper words with my trembling breath of how
I feel in your arms- a true peace. like no one could ever comprehend
The way I have let myself
Melt and reform as
All yours.
I reach to run my hand across your cheek
So soft darling, so close
I reach and I know I could never feel as
Complete. Comfortable.
Then I see it.
The white ceiling, the piece of tape left over, the stray black smudge
Ah, dreaming.
But for an instant I got to know
what it felt like, in the rain.
So, My love. My unwavering best friend
I'll set my feet on the ground and
let the sheets muffle that faint sound of
a piano
For the day will wipe away the details
And the only thing I will retain
is a curious inquiry for why my heart skips a beat
in bad weather

curtains may cover my heart, leather may shade my eyes
but perform it must, my everlasting soul
oh by the chains of my great master I trace lines through dust on this ancient stage
Puppeteer, your strings are razor blades I cannot touch
Do you smile your jagged teeth behind the lights as I limp
left stage right stage
hands tied, lips bruised
while I am delicately yet surely sliced in two?
you once felt kind breath slip over your tongue, you envisioned
orchids given at night.
Such devious motives you now posses, time
My recital for one wears away skin
on the tips of my toes, keep tearing
moving upward snaps my fingers crooked elbow
ARISE FROM YOUR SHADOWS AND FACE ME
for I know this pain well
Ah mirrors mirrors you fool me
You have adopted my face, adopted my grin
blink blink it will not clear
it will not falter
i see- leather
crumpled in spotlight
stage right stage left
in spotlight
there are particles floating there are shards of littered glass
Dear audience do applause, I did it
I tore my skin, broke my bones, limped side to side
Puppeteer do forgive my twisted image for I needed you to blame
Secrets secrets treat me well, for I have nothing else to sell
Forgive me empty seats, row 1 row 2
I must try, I must try
to crawl offstage

written 2010

How might I describe you?
dew lazy atop swaying petals, refreshing and pure?
or
rushing rapids, strong and enduring
perhaps you are a mountain- forever there to hold it's ground
I caught the crackle of clay on dry hands
and with it, creation and change
I breathe the pungent scent of sweat, heavy with the promise of hard work
you work your hands you work your thoughts
you work to prove both
such as paint strokes mesmerize the eye
love will hypnotize the soul
you took a peek into my life and found a pen
chapters carry your name- we are infused
black ink on black ink- merged
How might I describe you?
A man
Better yet-
My man

written 2010

Tempter, I grow impatient. My need for closeness is a run over rocky terrain. I yearn for my legs to stop moving, my muscles to stop aching, my breath to find my body. It only moves in slow creeping motions, an eclipse on my reality, a blindfold to my control. My darling I do not exist alone. Alone I am fever- a raging plague of disease. My burnt parts float away as ash to the graveyard- to bury all they are. Love, I walk in my bones. Stripped of my true being I rattle and moan, a skeleton resurrected. Soon my feet my crumble away, and I will snap apart limb by limb and fall to the ground as sharp pointy bits. Then what am I, my dear? Do I get pushed into the earth and remain nothing more than diminished pearls to the naked eye, or will a creature carry me away with their talons? Tempter you defeat me. Only when I leave the battlefield and return home do I realize I pulled the trigger. I thought I would run from the war and save myself. When truly, I fired the shot heard around the world.

written 2010

I think you know why
Lover
That when I see you
My fists clench with fury
My eyes swell with tears
My feet become heavy

Do you think I enjoy
To stand by you
But not really
be by you
Instead, its almost like  
There are worlds between us
With waters black as
That pause when we try and talk
I cant seem to navigate
I cant seem to swim
I cant seem to
Smile

Wait a little longer
But really
Don’t wait at all
You pushed me out the car
I fell across rocks, landed half buried
In the soil. It feels nice on my cheek
Cool and understanding. It knows a lot about
Silent hearts.
I haven’t moved, couldn’t feel
my legs. Couldn’t find
my voice
but darling
I still forgive you

Its ok
Ill stand by you [across the oceans]
And pretend
My bruises were
An accident, like I tripped
Or something
And we can write letters
With each look away, each shifting foot
While we dangle our legs over the edge
Of sanity [my sanity]

Don’t worry
About the mud
In my hair
I tried to wash it out
Scrubbed hard- promise
Just ignore it, I know you will
And ill pick up my coffee cup
And no one will notice
The dirt under my nails
And the way my mouth
Cant seem to smile

you don't understand at all do you
not truly
you think
I'm a liar
that I still hold the knife
that
stabbed you in the back
[and in the heart]

kinda speechless
that you feel that way
think that way
believe it
untrustworthy? misleading?
false emotions?
can you not read?
here let me try again
maybe I can make it like braille
feel the words

it's like when the clouds stormy eyes
welled up and let fall the
tears of weekend rain
soggy, we laughed along with the thunder
and under our waterfall we let the windows
fog
tell me I lied then

or picture if you will
standing by the tree I
always parked by
it was a starry night, but we didn't see it
we were too focused on our faces
except
why is it I was the only one
drowning in the sadness that overtook my eyes
shaking with each strained, choppy breath
clutching that gray shirt like a life jacket
do you think that was all
for show?

haven't you looked at
my collection of black and white
silly letters scribbled down as fast as possible
trying as hard as I can
to leave it all
on the paper
but it's as if each word I write
is a tattoo
slowly invading every part of my skin
it's sinking in, it's staining everything
do you think this agony I speak of
is fake?

if so
if I am that liar with the knife who
led you astray and "******* you over"
let you down, kicked you around
if you can't seem to
open your eyes
and notice
just how much I love you
just how much I always have

then you don't deserve it

ill run miles for you when I know I only
have the strength for one
but don't you
dare
watch me run
if you don't even grasp
that I stabbed myself in the back
led myself astray

you have a right to
hate the wound
but if you can't see
what I feel
one day
I will learn
that I have to let go
and I will

then all these silly letters
all for you

well. go ahead and throw them away
on that day
they will carry no life
anymore

I'm a great actor
really.
I deserve a reward
or recognition
of some sort

See these eyes?
I can give such expression
my penetrating stare
will captivate you
I won't even blink
watch

Look at my lips
red as the roses
you throw at my feet
A perfect grin, I know
I'm sure you wonder how
my cheeks don't burn
with a smile like mine

Feel my hand
well, almost
I know it's like you nearly can
when I reach out
into the audience
smooth as wood

Did you like it?
Naturally
always such grand applause
I never miss a bow
never too low
you mustn't see
when I bend look at my dress, my shoes
the curl of my hair

never see past the
velvet curtains

you're not supposed to discover

the strings

and the way I become lifeless in the dark

It's a guaranteed good show. Spend a magnificent evening out
flooded with the
golden glow of the stage

promise you wont know

always such grand applause

do you still...
ahh
too early to say
or ask
but I feel it, all the time
yes
all the time

with every second
maybe even smaller
I don't know
I just think
a lot
about me
who I am, who I wanted to be
youth? yeah I got what I wanted
(be careful with wishes)
but like a trip to Vegas
the lights are dazzling, but I saw them for
a day
and then they were just lights
flickering silently
they don't appeal anymore
did they ever?

do you still...
of course not
I left
you saw that and
all the rest of it
youth?
it can't compare to
the ancient comfort that never
never never
let me down
I know I
dropped it
that pumping thumping heart of yours
yeah I heard it shatter
but oh you better believe
I found every last piece
I might not let go
I might not have a choice

hm
I feel different
feel
like a tree's mighty roots
continuously searching
for a deeper level
normal almost, but it's strange
the dirt- moves?
can't quite seem to
touch the sky
I'm changing, oh yes
but there is something missing
where is the
solid ground

do you still...


care about
think about
wonder about
yearn for
dream of
wish for
want
love
me?

like a pen drop in a canyon
insignificant.
silently it fell
yet it crashed like
a 1000 symbols.
resonating
into a mess, yes that
ill have to clean
later.

really?
you've changed?
like a leaf in autumn, which had such color
than fades to brown? i hope not.
sometimes i think you fell
out of color
out of time
out of my grasp

i love fall
smell of life
smell of death
but only nature
right?
is my soul
a dead leaf? to be remembered only
by the crunch under your
military boots

i hate fall
smell of life
smell of death
i lost my footing
now i'm that breeze
and still,
still
i'm not allowed to caress your cheek
in a touch taken from me
by me
all my choices
that's ok
ill just float away

way way high
higher
further
WAIT
don't go too far
you'll pass me
or miss me
its bright up here, squinting helps

ill look for you too
if
you even look at all

like a doll-fragile
i think i broke
just a crack
which remains hidden
no matter how long
i search

it was (my scar)
i thought
on my hand
because they were once
more than a memory

necessary, i think?
to seek the place
behind my ear
for i sometimes hear
old secrets
old wishes
old

no
for the shelf only
do not allow
rough play- careful
how about I let
the dust settle
I can last
forever

don't ever
or rather
i know i shouldn't
run my broken fingers over my
broken heart
for even dust trails
don't lead to a
body of steel

I am
unable to move
put one foot in front of
the other
seeing as
my legs cant bend and all

you are the
glue
tape
sticky stuff
well?
don't just stand there
get over here
and help me up

and while you're at it-
stay the hell away from my broken pieces

just when
i thought i burned that bridge
i realize
somehow in shock each time
that you cant burn
stone

you can see the shadow
of charcoal brushstrokes
outlined on the gray surface
it crawls up the sides

one day
ill take a sponge
and scrub away those ashes
it will be "like new"

see those weeds?
in the patch of green
before you walk over
the dying bridge
they are
criss crossed in daisy's

ill pick them all
until all that's left
is yellow for
miles and miles

isn't that nice?
i thought so too
so how bout
you find your knees
and settle down
so you too
can pull weeds from the ground

Inside
ah
there you are
little glimmer
of hope

I'm here now
to help you
grow
stronger and brighter
each day

A Being
has loud words
they surround
drown out those
fears

Finally
my heart is
coming back
to home roots
I am  finding
the glue
piece by piece
I fill in the puzzle

Oh sweet
sweet smile
you fit just right
welcome back
stay awhile!

I know you will

Magnificent
I feel the sun
and instead of
yearning for more
I take you as you are
great warmth
and walk on

I am
me
I am
just beginning

Beloved
the stretch of my lungs
in and out
beats my metronome

found myself at the window
let my elbow
rest

I let the sun
hold me today
and I prayed
I would see you
and we could be one
no confusion

i belong
to you
and the gentle brush
of memory on my eyelashes
bring the corners of my mouth
to rise
and the water of my eyes
to fall

Lovely
I let the sun hold me today
I closed my eyes
and you were there
instead

I tread the
space
crowded by the waves
and waves
of icy gray

tiny crashes
of percussion explode
against my knees
the mute sky
on my skin
gray

Beauty
of the vision
my binoculars
provide
allow my head to
bobble
above the line

for the fire
on the shore
by the lighthouse
is roaring
mighty
speaking
strong

Rain
will lead me
away
from the spot my feet
cant reach
instead
to a curling staircase
which leads
dare I say aloud
to the heavens

a place
my sleepy being
will stop moving and rest
forever

You Stand
directly across
the kitchen table
reflection blurred
on the silver

dancing
with the flicker
of flames against your back
your shadow moves
faster

Do Not
saturate the air
with the melting sensation
of voice
it is already
too loud

perhaps the dog
chewing the laces
of stiff leather
will understand
your growls

I Am Mute
before you
because I see
the portrait
you once lived in



you belong in



You sit
directly across
the kitchen table
crystal clear view
of my empty
chair

There was a day
I came to find
A deep red brick
Of fine design
The feeling smooth
It's edges neat
It's perfection was
Quite hard to beat


I took this brick
Out to the sun
Walked straight to the sidewalk
And began to run
Along the way
It became something more
And the action of running
Turned into a chore

My arms grew so tired
My legs broken down
Yet I kept on going
I ran
I was bound

I then came across
A mountain so steep
As soon as I saw it
My body did weep

But I dug in my heel
And took the first step
Surely a most definite part of the prep

The journey was tough
I almost lost hope
At times I had reached
The end of my rope
Yet my hand felt the top
And my eyes saw the land
And the words I kept thinking
Was yes, I sure can

I wondered and wondered
Could this be a trick?
Until I remembered
The weight of the brick

It was there from the start
A symbol of time
And although very heavy
It had always been mine

I grew stronger and tough
With my perfect smooth brick
I didn't know it would stay
That it's presence would stick

It is here I should leave it
Up here at the top
For I must keep on walking
I simply can't stop

For I see many adventures
In that land straight ahead
But the one thing I can't see
Is a hand full of red

Here it will stay
My own special trinket
For a brick is forever
Impossibly secret

Dreamer
Dream me a dream
A house on a hill
door red as rust
Ill peer through the window
and see if your home


Dearest
give me a hand
An hourglass tipping-tipped
Sand slippery, too real
Which direction does it spill?
ill watch it; ill watch it


Damper
allow me a smile
against all the laws
A hollow thumping sound
The key is under the pillow
Hot and dangerous


Darling
throw me away
A book without letters
Useless to discover
Run fast to your treasure
go seek the great find

Black ink
runs smooth
down the pages
into my cupped hands
for clean washing


A stain on your blue shirt collar
runs down
the front buttons
I don't care


smooth it does glide
but broken it will spill
I sense the clock
one minute late



the pavement is chipped
at the crossroads
of right and left
do you doubt me?



My dirt road
My dark breeze
My dead log
My black hand



do you doubt me?
I doubt you
I doubt the red stain
on your high pocket



it dripped on my shoe
I just bought
now might you explain
your lifeless stare?



I dare you to sit by me
touch my fall coat
and i'll hand you a leaf
red as the stain
on your high pocket